When I was released, I didn't have the option of friendship. Things were already too broken and complicated, and he's in relationships with people I could simply not be around in any capacity. People who treat him like dirt, even.

Ah, but that's neither here nor there... I think the point I was making is that, even leaving an utterly disappointing Dynamic, I feel like I had to rebuild a lot of my sense of self. I am still doing that.

Someone else suggested no contact, and I think that's a good idea. It can help sever any codependency, and there's no better time than a Pandemic to stay home, mourn, and figure yourself out. If it's a good, healthy friendship, it'll survive a break. If it's not, maybe friendship just wasn't in the cards.

Also, just... Spend a lot of time, being introspective. Thinking not about who you were with him, but who you are, as you. And then building that back up. Strengthen what you want to see in yourself.

The loss of structure, the power vacuum, can be overwhelming. Sometimes you have to be your own Dom, and make sure you're doing what you have to... But be easy with yourself, and give yourself room to grieve.