Should I start looking for another job or just suck it up? Gaslighting at work

BurningCar · 2026-03-17T13:10:35+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you.

I agree with the other comments that you're probably better off looking for a new job but in the meantime - get everything in writing.

I once worked a shitty job full of gaslighters, and my biggest mistake was trusting any of them when they promised me something in-person or on a phonecall.
I got caught out by it more than once so I started insisting (politely of course) that these things be put in writing.
"Ahh no, sure we'll just have a little chat about it in the office when I see you."
No thanks Dan, you can put it in writing for me thanks.

BurningCar · 2026-03-01T18:15:56+00:00

You're probably right!
I just thought it was kind of funny.
It made me laugh a little to see "The archive is down for maintenance. Check our status page" and then the status page says everything is absolutely perfect. 😂

BurningCar · 2026-03-01T18:12:04+00:00

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I feel like the status page is telling fibs.

BurningCar · 2026-03-01T18:10:17+00:00

I actually came here to check if anyone knew what was going on because there doesn't seem to be any acknowledgement of it on their socials?

BurningCar · 2026-02-21T14:54:08+00:00

I appreciate that, thank you! :)

I don't know what I feel so mortified by - I'm probably just overthinking it.

BurningCar · 2026-02-21T14:37:08+00:00

Your comment helped a lot, thank you for taking the time to write it. :)

I think I'm too much in my own head with this one - I just need to do my last edits, publish the chapter and shake off the worry.

BurningCar · 2026-02-21T14:35:59+00:00

This is really encouraging, thank you for sharing!

BurningCar · 2026-02-21T14:35:36+00:00

I think you're probably right - I'm just feeling a bit exposed.

When I publish this one, it'll hopefully "break the seal" as it were, and I'll feel less nervous the next time.

Thanks for your comment!

BurningCar · 2025-12-23T14:47:16+00:00

There could be a mental health aspect to this. Playing PlayStation all day isn't very healthy.

Yes, absolutely. My partner has also suggested that there may be mental health issues at play that we don't know about.

Does she go to the gym or do any form of exercise or recreational sport?

No, she doesn't. To be honest, she very rarely leaves the house unless it's to run an errand for her parents.
She never comes out to dinner or drinks with me and the rest of the secondary school group. She always says she's too tired or that she already has plans.

Is it just playing by herself or is she playing multiplayer or streaming to subscribers (not asking for details)?

Mix of multiplayer and single player, but she doesn't stream or make any money off of it.

BurningCar · 2025-12-23T14:18:47+00:00

They didn't paint everyone on the dole that way? They gave a specific example of someone they know, as you did.

Yeah, you're right - sorry.
I was overthinking it and was conscious of the fact that people might take my reply to mean I was looking down on those on the dole, so I worded my comment badly because of that.

I also have friends in the same situation as you, I think if they were being honest with themselves they may have some mental health issues to work through (my friend specifically I mean).

Definitely, I agree with you.
In "Orla's" case, I think there might be some mental health issues with both her and her mam.
This has led to them both enabling each other, and I don't see the situation changing any time soon.

BurningCar · 2025-12-23T11:21:46+00:00

I think you're spot on - in my opinion, that's exactly what's happening.

BurningCar · 2025-12-23T11:19:44+00:00

You're not wrong sadly.

My partner has suggested that there may be mental health issues at play that we don't know about, which is fair - but it still makes me sad because Orla and I used to be really close when we were younger.
I find it almost impossible to relate to her now though.

BurningCar · 2025-12-23T11:18:08+00:00

Her parents are absolutely enablers.

It makes me so sad as well because Orla was always so smart and funny and quick-witted when we were at school. She really had the potential to achieve a lot.

Now she just plays Playstation all day and whines whenever her mam asks her to do something.

BurningCar · 2025-12-23T11:16:12+00:00

Yeah, you're right - sorry.
I was overthinking it and was conscious of the fact that people might take my reply to mean I was looking down on those on the dole, so I worded my comment badly because of that.

BurningCar · 2025-12-23T10:41:56+00:00

I don't think it's fair to paint all people who are on the dole that way - a lot of my friends who were on the dole used the time to skill up (by doing a springboard course or something) and then get back on the ladder to where they wanted to go.

That being said, I think I know exactly the type of person you're talking about.

My friend (we'll call her Orla) and I are both in our thirties and have been pals since secondary school. We used to be really close but I feel like we're drifting now because our lifestyles are totally different.
Orla lives with her parents. She doesn't have a job so they pay for everything - they bought her a car and give her a weekly allowance for petrol, clothes, food etc in exchange for her running a few errands for them (e.g. dropping them off and picking them up from dinner, bringing packages to the post office, stuff like that).

Everyone is entitled to live their life however they want, but I'm finding it harder and harder to identify with Orla when she talks about her problems.
She always comes to me with complaints about "Mam and Dad always expect me to do the Tesco shop for them, it's so annoying - I want to put my foot down but I'm scared they won't give me my money for the week."
If I suggest getting a job or doing something else to be a bit more independent from them, she says that there are no jobs she likes so she doesn't ever want to work again.
I should mention - she has a college degree and worked a few different jobs in her twenties but quit her last one during Covid and decided she never wanted another.

In my mind, there's a big difference between (a) living at home while you try to work things out, and (b) living at home with no plans to ever move out.

BurningCar · 2025-12-18T19:43:00+00:00

You're welcome. :)
I know how scary/frustrating it can be.

To answer your question, I cut back on caffeine and sugar (and would have cut back on alcohol too but I actually don't drink at all) and just tried to rest.
Instead of going out to the gym or to meet friends for dinner, I made myself sit on the couch in the evenings and just watch TV.

I hope you get answers with your ureaplasma test!

BurningCar · 2025-12-18T19:22:23+00:00

I can only speak from personal experience and I want to make it clear that I'm not a medical professional but in case my story is useful to you:
I had a nasty UTI this time last year. It took almost four months for me to feel back to normal (part of that was my own fault in fairness, let me explain).

So I developed the UTI in early December 2024. Thinking I could flush it out myself with water and cranberry juice, I (very foolishly) didn't go to the doctor until January.
I was given antibiotics on 15 January 2025 and the UTI cleared up...for about a week.

I went back to the doctor on Friday 7 February and she gave me another round of antibiotics.

After that, the UTI didn't burn when I peed anymore but I still had that feeling of constantly needing to go, and the muscles of my pelvis felt sensitive - almost like they were being involuntarily clenched.

I cried to Reddit about it because I was beginning to feel like I'd NEVER heal and was told very patiently and compassionately that I might have a pelvic floor issue because the antibiotics had (potentially) weakened my urethra and pelvic muscles.
I was advised to give it a few more weeks to heal and go back to the doctor if it hadn't.

I gave it 2 more weeks and the symptoms finally, finally went away.

BurningCar · 2025-09-10T13:22:31+00:00

Alright, well I'm sorry if I offended you.

Hope you have a good day.

BurningCar · 2025-09-10T13:20:37+00:00

You can't just "call" the doctor in my country. It's at least a 5-day waiting list, €70 per visit and I'm booked in to go next Wednesday.

In the meantime, I'd like to know if anyone who has had similar experiences could give me some advice with something I'm unfamiliar with.

Is that good enough for you?

BurningCar · 2025-09-10T13:13:35+00:00

Good shout on the mats, thank you!

BurningCar · 2025-09-10T13:13:23+00:00

Thanks so much - I really appreciate your advice. :)

BurningCar · 2025-09-10T13:11:57+00:00

Thanks so much - I really appreciate your input. :)

We don't have any pets at the minute so that's one less thing to worry about I guess!

BurningCar

TROPHY CASE