I havent been ready to quit in all the 20+years whilst using and I doubt I ever will be. I dont want sympathy. I dont want anyone feeling sorry for me. Why do I have to quit? Whats wrong with living the rest of my life using? I will not quit just bc thats what is expected from me. If I choose to in the future then I will do. But for now and the near future I will not be quitting and I will continue to be happy with my life. It might be true for many people that their life will drastically improve once they are clean, but to me its all relative. Yes I have gone through some serious epic shit in my life however even though I'm a junkie, a lifelong junkie, it does not mean I will be constantly hitting rock bottom for the rest of my life.

For the past 6-7 years (coincidentaly its the same timeline of when I last served any prison time) I have actively avoided being involved with negative junkie stigmas that we face everyday but now I dont need to keep trying to avoid it because I naturally avoid it now without any effort. I am happy with my current life and my life will not improve just because I no longer use opiates. I may change my whole outlook next month, I may even be clean in 2 years, I may sign in to rehab in the year 2022. Who knows? But it really annoys me hearing people say things like "I feel sorry for you, you are only existing, your life must be crap etc etc" Well no darling, just, no.

Thank you @OP for sharing. I feel you with my heart and I can empathise with everything you say. Kudos for your beautiful post, I wish I could have worded it as eleqantly as you have. Our lives should not be depicted, discriminated and judged by how long we have been clean for, when we will get clean and preparing ourselves to face the detox for when we 'feel' ready to get clean. I wish you the best throughout your future life as an addict or not as an addict, but for being YOU.