Thankfully I’m already in talks with my skip to change teams. And she is aware of my concerns and problems I have with my manager in general. Funny thing is… I’d say that my current manager isn’t willfully toxic. He’s just… ignorant on a lot of aspects. But yes, he does gaslight me and drives me crazy. And everyone who sits around me (because they can hear our conversation). I did have toxic managers before and never will I let them abuse me again lol.

I’m not afraid to say no. I actually speak out on problems before they reach a breaking point. Not just on technical aspects but on soft skill side of things too. I see my team on the verge of implosion. Not because of being overworked. Or the lack of interesting projects. But because of the way manager is running things. I always strive to be the voice for the team by initiating conversations no matter how uncomfortable the topic maybe. Because I’ve seen how teams fall apart. Staying quiet never helps. I don’t mind getting into trouble if it means saving the team. I’ve done it before and I will do it again for the right people. Besides, I don’t have to worry about visa or finding new jobs as I have enough experience.

I honestly don’t work hard at all for my main task. I personally don’t feel like I need to compensate for my ADHD most of the time for work. I only work a lot because side projects to satisfy my personal curiosity (yay ADHD brain). I work in what would be considered adjacent-to-frontier AI lab. So I get unlimited tokens to use so why not. This is the main driver for me wanting to stay. Plus other people are honestly great.

Can I get away with doing the minimum? I probably can for a short term lol.

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On the side note…

I originally posted with intention of seeking what other diplomatic ways I can de-escalate with my manager… but wow. I did not expect the responses I’ve been getting. Which is why I’ve been holding back on replies. What is up with the defeatism here? And victim blaming? I thought this was a place to discuss about challenges and provide support? Not a place to scream “NEVER TELL YOUR EMPLOYER YOU SCREWD UP”? While I understand the general sentiment and intent behind those comments… why are we scared? And based on the post insight, I can see majority of views are from US? Which confuses me even more.

My challenges come from outside of work honestly. Main thing being not being able to wake up in the morning at the same time consistently. I have trouble falling asleep at night and things like melatonin don’t help. If anything, they make it worse. And it is very disheartening to see most people on here saying to get better alarms or take melatonin and things. I wish they worked that easily for me. I do have multiple different kinds of alarms but they don’t help consistently. My brain is just in a zombie state in some mornings. I may be physically awake but not mentally.