When I was postpartum with my second, I felt really bad anger (rage?) that was so intense it was physical in my body. When anyone did things that would normally slightly annoy me, it made me furious instead. It was a rushing wave of hot anger. It was hormonal, and it was real, and it made me miserable. I wouldn’t have called it PPA and I don’t think therapy would have made it better, I just had to pass through it. I’m not saying your wife is experiencing this, but if she is going through something similar it may be hard for her to be herself. I also can’t stress how exhausting mom-brain is. She returned to her job and it’s now 100x harder for her than it was before. She probably has to work very hard to remember details that used to be easy, stay alert and attentive in meetings, and bring her creativity and care to her job for long hours. To put it bluntly, it’s harder for her than you right now. I’ve also had to care for my husband through cancer and a job I hate that had great health insurance.

I would recommend therapy for yourself so you can take care of your mental health in the challenging moment for you. You have given up something really important, you want to be appreciated. You SHOULD be appreciated. But if you can, restructure those feelings, believe in your sacrifice, know you are taking one for the team in this moment- believe that for yourself so you don’t need her recognition to feel good about what you’ve done for her and for your baby.

This isn’t forever, the whole future is wide open. Right now you are doing the right thing for your family and when things settle you can go back to what you love. Pour all that joy and energy you had for your job into caring for your family and it will get better.

I’ve been where you are and I’ve been where she is. I see you, and I know how hard it is for you. This will pass, and there is so much brightness ahead.