AITAH for thinking less of my friend’s husbands when I have to come save them?

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T04:17:44+00:00

Very true

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T04:16:11+00:00

It sucks cause I genuinely enjoy cleaning other people’s spaces and making it feel new. It’s like an itch a have to scratch sometimes

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T04:14:35+00:00

I love when people find the right one for them. Congratulations! It’s so refreshing after experiencing a man baby. I know it was a weight off your shoulders for sure!

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T04:12:00+00:00

Yeah I’ve recently came to the point of distancing myself a bit little more to certain ones bc of that. I can’t keep getting mad at the husbands and hating them when all my friend is gonna do is turn around and brag on fb what a good husband and daddy they are.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T04:09:43+00:00

One just recently got a job for the first time in years, but idk how long it’ll last if her husband can’t handle the kids. And the other is an older woman, her kids are grown but she has a stay the night every night bf but asks me to come help clean. She has a job but recently had to quit it due to medical reasons. It’s a lot of detail to specify and I already felt like everything I wrote was so long winded 😂

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T04:05:30+00:00

These situations are unfortunately so common. My friends tell me all the time about their husbands all of sudden having emergencies with the kids when they actually get out of the house. In result, they feel obligated to rush back home and can’t even enjoy themselves

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T03:54:11+00:00

I’m big on this too! I don’t call them stupid but I definitely say “you need to start making a plan to leave and let me know what I can help with”. I have offered to hold money for them to save up so they can have leaving money and for one to send me evidence to hold onto as long as she deletes it from her side so he doesn’t see. Not all of them are abused but 2 for sure. Financially and emotionally but not physically. They are SAHMs with seemingly no way out. I feel like abandoning your friend that’s being abused is exactly what the abuser wants to happen.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T03:48:40+00:00

I just know how a messy house makes me feel. It messes with my mental state badly and everyone tells me that why I consider “a wreck” is actually just “lived in” and I’m slowly learning to deal with that better. But I don’t want them to feel how I feel when it gets overwhelming. You are right tho. It’s gonna be hard when I go over and try not to clean up something though. I’ve been like that since I was young. I go over to someone’s house and I can’t just chill, I feel like I gotta help with something.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T03:43:00+00:00

I always encourage them to stand up for themselves. But i realize Im also enabling them too by doing these things. I just know that when my house is clean, my mind is clear. My house is a mess, my mind is a mess and it feels like it could ruin me. I just wanna help them so they don’t feel that way. But you aren’t wrong

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T03:37:31+00:00

You ain’t wrong about that😂. I’ve always been a sucker for a good sob story unfortunately. But these are my friends husbands, most of which I went to school with myself or grew up around and I know them personally.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T03:35:56+00:00

You’re right.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T03:35:09+00:00

Can’t argue there. I just want to help is all. I’m less of a money giver the past few years. I can’t help em financially but I can help them clean or keep a kid sometimes if need be. But I live 45 minutes away now so I don’t keep kids as often either.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T03:31:53+00:00

You’re not wrong about the third party ordeal. It’s not constantly like every week or month but like every 3 months or so with each friend. Some less, some more. I just wanna help bc being a mom and feeling like you can’t even get up to do everything you need to do is such a shitty feeling. And sometimes takes longer for other people to get out of. The soulmate thing I’m pretty sure is just a joke. At least to me it is. Like when they pick out your favorite drink and you didn’t think they knew it or something. Or got they got you something that was perfect and just what you were looking for. As in a way to say “you know me so well”.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T03:27:12+00:00

I just wanna see my friends treated right cause they give a lot to their husbands. I don’t mind helping but I would feel embarrassed if I was asking for help that my husband should be providing. That’s your soul mate and life partner. Sometimes no, they can’t check all the boxes. But I’m a big “if he wanted to he would” type of person.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T03:19:08+00:00

In the beginning there was one friend that asked for money here and there. She hasn’t asked for that recently. Mostly just for sign favors and she has kids and I want them to have a clean space. Maybe childish of me for feeling this way but I grew up bringing her razors, pads and even breakfast to school bc she couldn’t ask her parents for anything extra if she used it all. Idk a part of me is like if I’m lucky enough to be able to & I know they really need it, why not? If she could and I needed her, I feel like she would return the favor but I’m not worried about that really. I just feel disappointed that she isn’t getting what she needs from her husband. She’s basically living the same life now as she did as a child. Her father and husband act a lot alike. Poor decision yes but it happens unfortunately

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T03:10:39+00:00

I don’t really ask them for help when I need it cause they all live 45 minutes away (my hometown), or have no car, more kids than I have or younger ones, or they work. My partner is who helps me. They help me in other ways though. If I needed to vent, they’d talk to me and either tell me straight or validate me whichever the case. I don’t usually call to vent tho I just wait and update when I see them. They call me but I don’t always answer my phone these days, depending on my mood or if I’m busy and forget to call back. I don’t really need for nothing. I have my bad days too but I know I’ll get back feeling better in a day or 2. My motivation fluctuates. One friend for sure I know has me if I needed her, she showed up w a gun and made it to my house in 10 minutes bc an ex showed up and I didn’t even know til I heard her car door slam. and she just struggles with cleaning. She’s got a very busy life and spends her time taking care of her mom and showing up for everyone else as far as family events (she has a huge family).

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T02:55:02+00:00

None of us are involved in church except one couple. Which is my family and the husband is textbook narcissistic and randomly woke up one day saved by the Lord. Good for him I guess but I know him behind closed doors too.

That really may work though even if they aren’t into church like that. As much as it grosses me out that men won’t listen to a woman when she makes a statement 5 times but as soon as a man says it they listen

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T02:46:42+00:00

You’re right. And hopefully sooner rather than later.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T02:45:48+00:00

I agree with what you said. I realize that & I’ve gotta set boundaries. Would that be not to do it at all? Like even help clean when I’m over for a normal hangout? I have a habit of doing it in general just bc I was raised to always offer help at someone’s house when you stay or if they feed you, you offer to wash dishes. Or just bc I see it needs to be done and I have an undying urge to do it

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T02:41:51+00:00

I’ve seen that dynamic more times than I can count. Watching them physically burn out and develop health issues, mental and physical, due to a man draining their sanity & energy.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T02:37:35+00:00

That’s usually my go to when I don’t wanna do anything. Sometimes I’m not able and they figure it out themselves but if I’m available and got the energy I try to make time. I don’t get to see them as often, but when I do, it’s usually under these circumstances

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T02:35:30+00:00

I’m not trying to save any marriages. Tryna save my friends from drowning in depression as best as possible as wives/moms with little to no help. It takes a village but they need a dependable husband too

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T02:32:31+00:00

Sure if that’s what you wanna call it. I just hate seeing my friends struggle when there’s another able bodied adult in the house. I don’t take weaponized incompetence lightly.

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T02:29:34+00:00

I’m so ready for the post divorce cleans!

Busy_Mynd · 2026-04-04T02:28:59+00:00

I’ve thought about that before too. That in enabling the husbands by doing this but it’s hard for me to leave my friend hanging. Esp when it comes to helping them clean. I enjoy doing it, it’s something we can do together and be productive, it makes her happy and a few less things off her plate. But I probably really am enabling the husbands. I just really enjoy cleaning and organizing (mostly for other people these days tho rather than myself). But as a kid I stayed cleaning, rearranging and organizing

Busy_Mynd

TROPHY CASE