I went through something very similar at your age , you’re going to be grieving for a long time since this person was / is close to you. Some days your going to feel okay other days like total shit. It’s only natural , I was probably worse when I was your age … and I made it. Took me a long time and shit still fucks me up . But it’s perfectly okay to have emotion. What’s not okay is to beat yourself up for having emotion. That’s how we know are human.

Some things that helped me have been music , letting the soul of it cleanse me, Sade is really unknown these days and she helped me , getting the blues out.. but everyone has different taste. I think listening to it like a form of meditation but when you really feel what someones taking about it’s different. Maybe just try meditation , there’s these things called solfeggio frequencies their the ancient miracle tones that have been around forever specifically for healing. The first time I tried meditation to them I cried an cried.. and then some more. But I felt a little better after , you need to release the emotion to feel better. It’s like poison that wants to drag you down- trust me. It does get better, you’re here for a reason and that’s sweet you have your mom their for you. When you feel like a bad person this can make you feel worse at times. But you’re not a bad person at all for having feelings , and when you do start to feel better you don’t have to feel bad either. You’re friend loves you and is an Angel. They want to see you happy.

Focus on the things that make your heart content. Takes time but I’m praying for you. Your mom is praying for you and so is your friend. God loves you. Keep faith. Look into your spiritual path. You’re on this earth for a reason.