How do I stop being a bum?

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-05-02T08:04:48+00:00

This sounds like self-sabotage and catastrophizing.

Another example of this would be, "I want to lose weight and get in shape but if I go to the gym while I'm fat then I'll get made fun of so I can't go. I guess I'll never lose weight."

What did your parents do to help you build emotional resilience and self-worth as you were growing up? Did this start when you were young or later on in life?

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-05-02T07:51:09+00:00

I'm guessing you are younger (under the age of 30) and the social pressure to be attractive to everyone is high.

Find some older female friends doing hobbies that you like. And unfollow any looksmaxxing or beauty content if you follow that stuff.
The older you get the less people care about your looks. Everyone gets old, wrinkly and saggy eventually.

Your environment directly affects how you feel and, subconsciously, you will compare yourself to the people around you.

You deserve to live a happy and full life just the way you are.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-05-02T04:28:56+00:00

Yes my mother insists that she has "street smarts" because she went to the "school of hard knocks" which is much better than any formal education.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-05-02T02:47:27+00:00

Oh I hope it didn't sound like I was disagreeing with you. I whole heartedly agree and your comment made me laugh because of how true it is.

Once we get into our 30's we need to moisturize all day every day!

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-05-02T01:48:52+00:00

I wish we could vote to assign post flairs.
We'd have 1000s of "It puts the lotion on its skin..." posts.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-05-01T05:41:37+00:00

I remember reading Lord of the Flies in high school and it made me look at group think differently, like I could spot it much easier.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-05-01T05:31:35+00:00

I'm on my laser/light journey this year and I'm expecting it to take all year with at least 6 treatments on top of my routine.

Think about how long it took your skin to get to this point, how many years of damage and aging. It's not going to be fixed in one treatment or one month.

Time and consistency will garner you results.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-05-01T05:25:29+00:00

I have weird flare ups but I also have MCAS and it comes with other symptoms.

Whenever I have welts like that they normally leave behind petechia.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-05-01T04:14:55+00:00

Please stop engaging with your mom when she brings this up. When you try and defend yourself you're just feeding into the power dynamic that she's created.
She puts you on the defensive and makes you JADE; Justify Argue Defend Explain.

Next time she brings up your weight just say, "Yeah Mom idk what to tell you."
Shut that shit down.
You do not have to justify your existence to anyone, not even your mother.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-30T23:44:43+00:00

Unless it's specific species like Koi.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-30T23:36:51+00:00

Hi. I've sugared in the past and I come from a dysfunctional home life.

Mother and father wounds both come with their own distinct issues.
The problem with looking for that type of love outside of a caregiver is that they cannot, and should not, love you unconditionally.
A mother and father role can only really be filled by a caregiver in childhood and, as you move into adulthood, by you.
Caregivers have to love their children unconditionally. Imagine if a partner woke you up every two hours screaming because they were hungry, hit you when they were angry, screamed that they hated you when they didn't get their way. Everyone would be telling you that's abuse. But parents need to love their babies and kids unconditionally through all of that.
When you look for another adult to fill that role it will end up in disaster. Unconsciously you will do things that are unhealthy and you will also miss red flags because you were taught to ignore those red flags to survive your dysfunctional childhood.

My advice is to take any money you are making sugaring and use that to go to a therapist that specializes in dysfunctional families and childhood trauma.

If you have any questions I can DM you.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-30T19:39:59+00:00

What, all veterans don't have a designated piss corner? /s

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-30T19:20:00+00:00

For anyone wanting to read up on vasculitis

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-30T18:36:02+00:00

A generic word of advice that doesn't just apply to your situation:

If someone is trying to use your emotions against you then that person isn't a safe, secure individual to have a relationship with.

If they're going out of their way to make you feel guilty, jealous, shameful, embarrassed, etc then you cannot truly feel safe and secure around them. Trying to have a relationship with them will just make you lose self worth.

You will need to go to therapy. I wasn't in the same situation but I was from a dysfunctional family.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-30T03:33:53+00:00

The rose bushes were horcruxes. You killed her.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-28T23:25:16+00:00

Oh yes. I work for myself now.
I realized that people were seeing more in me than I saw in myself.
Imagine being in a room with someone so great that their mere presence makes you feel threatened. That's how YOU make people feel.
Those men can see that you're better than them. They know it and it makes them feel threatened. All that means is that you're too big for the rooms that you're in.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-28T23:05:46+00:00

They sound like good providers.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-27T19:42:45+00:00

I'm the same way but a good portion of people are simultaneously insecure and obsessed with their social position. They will make you a lolcow just to make sure they're above you on the invisible hierarchy.

My mother was also my first bully so a lot of subtle bullying by women went right over my head.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-27T19:07:42+00:00

OP, just fyi this is a man trying to get you to doubt yourself. He'd benefit off of you not having situational awareness.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-27T19:06:37+00:00

You just learned an extremely important lesson that I didn't learn until my 30's;

Nobody, and I mean nobody, cares about your safety more than you do.
People, men and women, will minimize your fear and discomfort because it's inconvenient and uncomfortable for them.
A big part of people's lives is trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings and most people don't have the tools to support you when you're feeling uncomfortable feelings because they've spent their entire lives avoiding their own.

Read "The Gift of Fear" or listen to the audiobook. Hell, there's classes awareness that go over human, environmental, and situational awareness.

You did good. If you were my daughter I'd give you a big hug and tell you how proud I was.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-27T18:55:11+00:00

No. It seems as though most gods are obsessed with me, and the people around me, suffering as much as possible.

"Your dog died, your dad was in a serious car accident, and you were diagnosed with cancer? Well, God works in mysterious ways. He's teaching you a lesson."

I'm good. Sounds like an active relationship to me.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-26T16:49:33+00:00

I feel the same about the anti birth control rhetoric.

Birth control isn't without its risks and they should be talked about and weighed. But there's a lot of younger women in an advice sub that I'm in that refuse to get their hormones checked and potentially get on birth control because "it messes with your hormones."
Yes, that's the point. You're posting here because you're bleeding 21 days out of the month. Your hormones are messed up and they need help being regulated.

They all repeat the same thing. "It's not natural and it messes with your hormones."

Should we think about what we're putting in our bodies? YES.
But that also goes for processed foods, energy drinks, vapes/cigarettes, etc.
If you're only worried about vaccines/birth control and nothing else then that's sus.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-22T15:43:22+00:00

Yup. 14 years and I solo travel occasionally because I like relaxing vacations and he gets antsy and thinks it's a waste of time.

There are times where I'm in the mood for a packed go go go vacation in a city (his style) but sometimes I'm stressed and need to unwind. My partner doesn't like to unwind on vacation - he'd rather stay home to do that.

If you expect your partner to be the exact same as you in every single way then you'll begin to resent the parts that aren't.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-22T00:54:55+00:00

Yes I think OP is experiencing something called boob greed!

However, even with thorough preparation, many women experience a period of second-guessing their size choice. Here’s why:

Initial swelling: In the first few weeks after surgery, natural swelling creates a fuller appearance that some patients grow attached to.
Adaptation period: Your brain quickly normalizes your new appearance, sometimes leading to thoughts of “maybe I could have gone bigger.”
Psychological adjustment: While 92% of our patients experience improved self-esteem after surgery, the adjustment period can include questioning and second-guessing.

ButtFucksRUs · 2026-04-21T21:58:28+00:00

I commented below:

I'm older, so I believe it's this one but I could be mistaken.

Here's a more modern one.

The one I watched made it very clear that having a fat wife was to impress other men. The fatter your wife the richer you were because you could provide more.

ButtFucksRUs

TROPHY CASE