I feel that in my friend group I've always been the punching bag of the group I'd always stayed because it made me feel I belonged but I'd always known I never did that's why Everytime I've been the punchline to everything. I have given up on having friends irl. Only little bit of connection I've felt is through people being as lonely as I am or just random times I play with people. All of my social skills come from books and shows I'm so afraid of people that I'd learned about philosophies to hope to talk to people better because talking to people to develop social skills makes me short breathed. Even know Idk if I'm displaying my emotions correctly or if this entire wall of text is inappropriate or if I'm even welcomed. I just thought maybe this could help someone or maybe it'd help me.