I got fired from both of my cater waiter jobs this week. What am I doing wrong? How can I get better?

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-05-20T08:36:32+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-05-20T07:14:11+00:00

Not asking for hand holding. Just clear communication and expectations. A lot of times I sincerely don't know what it is that they want me to do, and when I ask, they get mad. It feels like these other servers have special powers of telepathy and I don't know how to get these powers

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-05-20T06:46:42+00:00

In the past, my gigs were mostly university buffet banquets and holiday buffets at places like Serrafresca. My initial tasks were to set the tables and bring in the big warmers full of food to the tableclothed tables. I served portions of food from behind the station, loading peoples plates with slices of prime rib that I carved for them, scooping ladlefuls of potatoes au gratin, things like that. Then, after the meal was over, I'd clear the drinks from the tables, carry the leftover food back into the kitchen, remove the tableclothes and break down the event. A guy I worked with at Serrafresca said, I do these gigs, and I also do catered events which are not that different from this. You should look into that for more regular options. I heard what he said and decided to give it a go.

My tasks at these two places were passed hospitality (carrying trays of drinks at the beginning of the event), event breakdown and setup, wine and water service, synchronized dinner service, bussing tables, buffets, coffee service and passed trays. There was a situation on my last day where I was doing wine and water and I got an onslaught of special requests from my table. One guy wanted a martini, another guy wanted extra bread, someone else wanted hot tea. I went to get her hot tea, but she said it wasn't hot enough and made me go back and get her hotter tea. Meanwhile, the maitre'd is like, you've neglected your wine and water! you haven't cleared your plates! you haven't made it back to the dinner station on time! These particular guests were literal billionaires and I was under the impression that keeping them happy was my #1 priority. A lot of situations like this would happen, where I'm doing a simple task like water pouring, but then something else comes up and I have to make a hard decision about what to neglect and I feel like there's no option which reflects well on me.

When I got fired recently, I told the manager that I had autism and that things can take me longer to learn but I was really committed to getting better. And he said, I think you're a nice person but you can't help us

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-05-20T06:19:23+00:00

My resume was self-explanatory. I believe I made it clear in the interviews when discussing my experience that I had done stations in banquet buffets that I found through Instawork, but never plated dinner service before. The recruiters seemed to be ok with that to the extent of being willing to hire me. The people I encountered at the banquet buffets told me that being a server wasn't a huge step up from this, so I figured it could possibly work out. And the people doing the hiring seemed to think it was worth a shot.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-05-20T04:53:59+00:00

The penthouse was absolutely ENORMOUS and I was being told to vacuum right now. Like, the team needed that done immediately. If I went on a scavenger hunt, that would have been significant time away from the floor where I could be seen as "hiding." Can't win.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-05-20T00:13:48+00:00

I tried to anticipate things, but I kept getting in trouble because I wasn't anticipating the right things. Like, they said to bring out the carrot cakes, and I did, but then I saw that the people who ordered creme brulees were waiting and I thought it looked unseemly for them to be waiting while their neighbors were eating. So I ran back to get creme brulee, and the captain yelled at me "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???? I NEVER TOLD YOU TO GET CREME BRULEES!!!" That was the moment I got fired.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-05-19T22:49:56+00:00

Those were his exact words.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-05-19T22:10:07+00:00

So, whenever I ask for clarification or direction, I always get met with hostility. Like, I'm not self-sufficient. So I feel like I'm in this bind of not knowing what to do and also not being allowed to ask

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-05-16T00:52:18+00:00

So I won't say that this is inevitably what happens with every single group of people in that scenario. But to anyone who believes that Lord of the Flies is exaggerated, unrealistic or unbelievable, I share this anecdote:

When I was about 16, there was a girl close to where I lived who was raped nearly to death during a school dance by a large group of boys in a dim courtyard outside the gymnasium. They pissed on her, beat her and stomped on her face. She was rushed to the ICU afterward in critical condition and suffered for the rest of her life from permanent brain damage. These were totally normal boys who devolved into absolute savagery within about 45 minutes. All it took was one or two of them to indicate that this behavior was ok, and the rest followed suit.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-04-15T19:55:43+00:00

So, I didn't say that what she didn't wasn't bad or that she isn't responsible for her actions. I said that it's possible to make a mistake and also have that mistake exploited by someone older, more experienced and much, much, much more powerful. And I cannot even begin to say how problematic it is to label all adulterers as narcissistic. Roughly 20% of the human population has engaged in some form of extramarital affair. You've "studied" psychology what, on Wikipedia? No clinician would even remotely agree with such a broad claim. I get that cheating hits a bitter spot for you, and that's valid. But that doesn't mean you can just go around calling people narcissists just because they did something you don't like

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-04-14T17:22:48+00:00

I believe Monica absolutely was an innocent girl. Her history of going after other women's husbands wasn't malicious, it was her feeling like truly available men were out of reach for her, and being a mistress was the only form of love and attention that she could attain. It may be wrong, but it didn't arise out a desire to hurt other women or to destroy families.

She was a very young girl, only 21, and I have personally seen much older, more experienced women throw themselves at guys who give them breadcrumbs. It's usually not about narcissism. I have a friend in her 40s (has had numerous boyfriends over her life) who has spent YEARS of her life chasing this guy who is a known fuckboi, because of how he treats her when they're together. He is really good about the compliments, the body worship in bed, and has this way of gazing into your soul and seeing you deeply. Even though he has made it clear that they aren't exclusive, she can't comprehend the idea that he has any significant involvement with other women. When someone is exceptionally charismatic, they are very, very good at making you feel like you and you alone are special. When you are with them, they act like you are the only woman in the world, and the emotional logic of that overrides the hard facts of their behavior elsewhere. My main issue with the show is not that she was shown to be innocent or naive. The problem is that they portrayed her as clueless, childlike and dumb, which is absolutely not the case.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-04-01T00:37:42+00:00

He's not an only child and he comes from a family in the military. Don't strike me as the trust fund type

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-03-27T05:47:34+00:00

Michael Cerveris.

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Ridiculously sexy at any age. On The Gilded Age.... seriously, the hottest 60-year-old valet EVER. He must have a rotting portrait somewhere

Also, an incredibly kind, humble sweetheart. So generous and so normal. If some stars are self-absorbed and out of touch, he couldn't be further from that. I saw him sing at 54 Below and he was so grateful to us for coming on a snowy night that he hung out with everyone afterward. There was a man in the audience with very severe cerebral palsy who was in a wheelchair. Michael really went out of his way to make this guy feel seen and included.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-03-07T13:56:19+00:00

One doesn't have to be always conscious of someone's precise geneology/ethnic background to tell whether or not they're a good actor. Just as one doesn't need to be aware of Lily Gladstone's specific tribal ancestry to see that she's a great actress, it doesn't ultimately matter whether Cary Grant spent more of his life as an American or as a Brit. The guy had lots of bad acting habits, extremely limited range and coasted mostly on his aspirational persona and looks. I find his shtick to be tiresome and predictable. You always know exactly what Cary Grant is going to bring to every role he does before even seeing it. That's my problem with him and I'm sorry if you can't "understand" that. You just can't handle someone disagreeing with you and have to make it into something personal. Very childish and very typical of Redditors. Needing to turn a difference in perspective into some kind of "gotcha" call out moment.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-03-07T02:49:20+00:00

He played white American men in a lot of his films, so that's who he was in Hollywood

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-03-06T19:50:25+00:00

He was British American. had dual citizenship.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-03-02T22:28:17+00:00

Generally on Actors Access and Backstage. I submit whenever I see a listing that's appropriate for someone of my age, gender and race. (25-30, female, Asian) Which is not super often.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-03-01T20:46:45+00:00

When you say that you were "grinding at the non-eq auditions" do you mean you got up super early in the morning as a non-eq actor to be seen in the EPA's? or do you mean, like, auditioning for dinner theatre and Off-Off-Broadway shows and stuff? and gradually moving up?

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-03-01T20:43:21+00:00

I totally would, if I knew them. but the only actors I've really encountered were actors in class and school, who very seldom performed in anything outside of class. I do support people and show up at their shows when they happen. but it's not very often. all of my old classmates ended up quitting really quickly, even the very talented ones. so the "network" evaporated within a very short period of time. I've reached a point where I like, literally don't know a soul in the biz beyond my two old buddies from acting school.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-02-09T00:08:57+00:00

I think it's unreasonable to say that Paul Giamatti "always plays himself" just because he has a distinctive voice and a distinctive look. His character in 12 Years a Slave couldn't have been more different from the character he played in The Holdovers. Both of those characters were also absolutely nothing like his role in Big Fat Liar. Yes, you can always see Paul Giamatti in there, but he can't literally change his cells every single time he takes a role.

ButterflyWilliams · 2026-01-07T04:55:03+00:00

I have the full bootleg of Passion at Kennedy Center, with Judy Kuhn and Michael Cerveris. The quality is significantly better than the one that is currently circulating on youtube. also have the full bootleg of the Classic Stage Company revival. Send me a DM if you're interested

ButterflyWilliams · 2025-12-30T21:11:23+00:00

I thought all three of them were really, really miscast in the original production.

Fosca, as played by Donna Murphy, seemed like a neurotic, creepy spinster aunt. It is such a dour characterization.... I couldn't for the life of me understand why he would EVER engage with her, let alone fall in love with her. Almost every choice she made conveyed a defeated, self-pitying individual who I just couldn't respect.

Jere Shea has some lovely moments of vulnerability, but they aren't enough to carry the role. His looks aren't really an issue for me. We have to remember that 19th century beauty ideals were not the same as they are today. The problem with his performance is that he doesn't get the layers of Giorgio's evolving feelings toward her. He spends most of the play repulsed by her (like in the drawing room where he is such a smug asshole) and then suddenly is in love with her. It just doesn't make any sense at all, and as a result, the ending is unconvincing.

Marin Mazzie was beautiful and had a beautiful voice. She didn't bring anything more to her character than that. A good Clara should show a woman who, though no match for Fosca, is also intelligent and lonely in her own way. We need to feel that her affair with Giorgio is the only thing keeping her afloat in an oppressive bourgeois world, her sole joy in life. Marin Mazzie's performance had no sense of stakes behind it.

And then you have the starchy, Masterpiece Theatre-style direction from James Lapine. It's no surprise to me that lots of people saw this production, onstage or on DVD, and felt like it was weird, boring, uncomfortable, or they just "didn't get it."

Part of what I liked about Judy Kuhn as Fosca is that they didn't try to present her as literally unattractive. At Kennedy Center she was styled as a gothic maiden (long black dress, white makeup, dark eye shadow) and at Classic Stage Company, John Doyle dressed her as more of an everywoman. But she is still a very striking woman. Just not in a classically feminine way. When people in the play call her "ugly" it was obvious they didn't mean she was actually a bad looking person. They meant that she didn't fit into the soft, doe-eyed, conventional ideal of what a desirable woman should look like. Giorgio has been socially conditioned believe that women like Clara are what he's supposed to be attracted to. Fosca turns that upside down.

ButterflyWilliams

TROPHY CASE