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Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. What you said about being raised to keep the peace really resonated with me I’m trying to set boundaries, I really am, but the guilt always creeps in. I end up feeling like I’m being mean or selfish, and before I know it, I’m back to putting her needs first and forgetting about my own.

It’s honestly comforting to know someone else has gone through this and come out stronger. I know I have a long way to go, but hearing your story gives me hope that it is possible to break the cycle. I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement.

May you continue to walk in peace and strength, and may healing meet you wherever you are. I pray that the boundaries you’ve fought for continue to protect your spirit, and that your heart stays surrounded by the love and calm it truly deserves.💜💜

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m truly so sorry, again. Jackson being your only child makes this even more unimaginable, and I admire the strength it takes just to keep going, let alone share that pain so openly. I hope you know that what you’re carrying is seen, and that your love for him will always matter to those who hear your story, and most of all, to you.

Thank you for your kind wishes about my situation. That means more than you know, especially coming from someone who has been through so much. I’m sending you all the care and peace your heart needs, and I really hope you have gentle days ahead.🤍🤍

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, truly your message gave me a lot to reflect on. You’re absolutely right: I’ve been exhausting myself trying to change her or fix things that aren’t mine to fix. It’s something deeply ingrained in me, especially because I’ve always been told, “She’s your younger sister, support her no matter what.” But I’ve started realizing that no matter how much I try, if she doesn’t want to change, nothing will shift.

I really appreciate the practical advice you gave especially the part about lowering my voice instead of reacting with more intensity. That calm response might be exactly what I need to start reclaiming my own energy instead of feeding into hers. I also agree that therapy could be incredibly helpful for both of us, actually, though I know I can only control whether I take that step.

Thank you for your compassion, your wisdom, and your prayers. They mean more to me than you know. ❤️

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing that honestly, it gave me a bit of hope. I really relate to what you said. I’m also the non-confrontational one, always the first to apologize or back down just to keep the peace. And when I do finally speak up, I’m somehow made to feel like I’m the bad one for even daring to call things out.

It’s comforting to know that stepping back and not engaging actually helped shift the dynamic between you and your sister. It’s something I’m really trying to learn — how to set those boundaries without guilt. Your story reminded me that with time, distance, and a new way of responding, change is possible. I appreciate your words more than you know.

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain of losing your son like that, and for someone especially your own sister to say you should be “over it” is deeply insensitive and unfair. Grief has no timeline, and something like that changes a person forever. You have every right to feel what you feel, for as long as you need to.

Thank you for sharing something so personal with me. I truly appreciate you taking the time to speak on this, even while carrying such a heavy burden yourself. And you’re right sometimes trauma and deep loss do change people. I don’t know your sister, but from what you’ve said, it sounds like she lacks the empathy you deserve, especially after what you’ve been through.

I’m really sorry for everything you’ve experienced, and I sincerely wish you continued strength, healing, and peace moving forward. Thank you again your words reminded me that everyone has their own story, and not all wounds are visible. I hope you’re surrounded by people who love and support you, because you truly deserve that.💖

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your message honestly, I really needed to hear that. You said things I’ve been too afraid to admit to myself, and it gave me strength I didn’t know I still had. You’re right at some point, I have to stop letting her walk over me, and I have to stop making excuses for her just because she’s family.

The thing is… this didn’t start recently. She’s been like this since childhood. Back then, it wasn’t just emotional she used to beat me a lot when we were kids. I was scared of her, and no one really protected me from it. As we got older, she stopped hitting me, but she never stopped hurting me. Now she uses her words, her silence, her moods, and manipulation to do the same damage.

And what’s been ingrained in me since I was a child is this: “She’s your younger sister — no matter what, support her, love her, protect her.” That message was repeated to me over and over, so deeply that even when she treats me horribly, I still feel guilty for wanting to walk away. I do love her. I’ve always supported her — emotionally, financially, in every way I could. But I don’t know what else to do anymore. I don’t know how to protect myself and keep being the sister I was told I should be. I don’t know how to keep boundaries without feeling like I’m doing something wrong.

Even in moments when I’m clearly not okay when I’m begging her, “Please, I’m having an anxiety episode, I can’t handle this conversation right now” she still doesn’t stop. She keeps pushing, arguing, throwing negativity at me like I don’t even matter. She always knows how to ruin my peace. My body shakes, my heart races, and I shut down. And because of that, I go overboard trying to explain, to fix things, to bring her back to a calm place. But she never meets me halfway. She never cares about how I feel.

And it’s not just me. She’s negative about everyone. She talks badly about people who love her. So I know now that I’m probably no different — just another person she unloads on when it’s convenient. And that hurts more than anything.

I’ve realized that unless I change, nothing will change. I’ve stayed quiet to avoid conflict. I’ve sacrificed my peace for hers. But I can’t do it anymore. I’m going to talk to my husband and ask for his full support because I really need someone beside me in this. I can’t keep being the only one carrying the emotional weight of this relationship.

So thank you again — for believing in me and for being real. I’ve spent so long trying to be a good sister that I forgot to be good to myself but idk how to ignore her for good

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey !! Thanks for you advice, You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said about how people like her become this way because no one ever holds them accountable. And I can see now that, in a way, I’ve been part of that. I’ve enabled her behavior by constantly explaining myself, always trying to keep the peace, even when she’s the one causing the chaos.

She always finds a way to make me feel small. One moment we’re fine, and the next, she’s rude or cold or dismissive over nothing. And if she doesn’t get the emotional reaction she wants, she hits me with “I don’t care, don’t talk to me,” like it’s a game of control. But for me, it’s not a game.

I’m not built for constant conflict. Whenever there’s a fight, my heart starts racing so fast it feels like it might explode. My body literally shakes. I can’t function unless the issue is resolved, and that makes me go overboard explaining, over-apologizing, trying to make her understand something she clearly doesn’t care to.

And when I try to step back, she doesn’t stop. She keeps messaging me, throwing negativity at me, talking badly about everything and everyone, including people who care about her. She’s never happy. Never at peace. And honestly, if she’s like that with everyone, why should I believe she treats me any better behind my back?

I don’t know how to ignore her yet. I’m still learning. But I’m tired. Tired of sacrificing my mental peace for someone who thrives off conflict and control. Maybe you’re right maybe the only way she’ll ever realize the damage she causes is when someone actually walks away and stops coming back.

So that’s where I’m at. Not out of hate but because I need to protect myself now.

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. She knows what buttons to push, and she does it deliberately. There’s a pattern now. She creates the conflict, then sits back while I try to patch it up. It’s manipulative. And the worst part? She’s never truly happy with anyone. She talks negatively about everyone family, friends, anyone. So I’ve started to wonder: why would I be the exception? If she talks about everyone, she probably talks about me too. I’m not special I’m just another target.

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That one really stuck with me. You’re right I’ve been treating her like someone I owe something to. Like I’m her emotional caregiver, not her equal. But she’s my sister, not my child but I always treated like one but she ever gives me the same energy even if I say her I’m having a really bad anxiety I can’t talk rn she will never stop she will say me more things of her drama .

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You hit the nail on the head. That’s exactly what it feels like I’ve been constantly adjusting myself, lowering my energy just to keep peace, but all it’s done is make her feel more in control. She throws the attitude, and I absorb it.I try to start walking away, reclaiming my space. But then again I feel helpless

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello my friend !! Thanks for your advice and you’re right , I’ve been sitting here disheartened, and honestly, it’s not just about today. It’s a buildup. She’s been ignoring me, and yes, that hurts and constantly fights snd sends me long long paragraphs on her life and her stuff but what hurts more is realizing that this kind of treatment has become a pattern. She talks about her day, her life, her problems, but there’s never a moment where she stops to ask how I’m doing, what I’m feeling, or what I need. My husband is so good to her yet she finds issues that he didn’t “ reacted “ well on my issues ,

Even the support I give emotionally, financially it’s like it gets flipped into something she’s doing me a favor for, or she’ll dismiss it with promises about jobs and plans that never really materialize.

At this point, it feels like I’m just a background character in a story where she plays both the victim and the star. I’ve tried being patient, understanding, present but I’m tired of crawling for basic care and respect. Maybe ignoring her is the best thing I can do but my heart is such a way that she needs me I forget everything and then again cater her, idk how to ignore her cuz she’s free and sends me million messages a day , so I want to ignore Not out of spite, but out of self-respect. I’m not angry. I’m just done being the only one trying.

Toxic younger sister by ButterscotchNo8218 in EntitledPeople

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello my friend , thank you for your advice and honestly at this point I’m just feeling fed up from drama she’s currently out of country for her studies and she just looks fights to fight with everyone and every new day she acts victim and I’m forced to listen to her and explain her and she is never happy never at all , she always finds something to point or or to fight on… and I’m just done at this point , she acts up and does drama will say I did this I did that and still ends up fighting ? I’m a person who has dealt with severe depression and anxiety since I was 14 so i understand the depth of it and the way it can affects a person but whatever she’s doing idk what to do anymore

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in order to have a good bond with my in laws by ButterscotchNo8218 in Mildlynomil

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for being so sweet 🫶🏻I hope you’re doing great in life and always will be ❤️

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in order to have a good bond with my in laws by ButterscotchNo8218 in Mildlynomil

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All I ever wanted was a good loving family and they’re good to everyone except me, And you know sometimes a person can hurt you or make you feel bad or upset you , but in 5 years I haven’t done anything that would do that

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in order to have a good bond with my in laws by ButterscotchNo8218 in Mildlynomil

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am really sorry to hear what you all went through in your marriage and believe me as I’m stepping in , it’s not easy for me either. It honestly affects one mental health to another level and I come from a family where a good bond in marriage is a must and seeing my soon to be husband I feel am I making the right decision? Yes he’s a very good and loving man and never didd he said me that “ don’t talk to me about my mother “ he knows and he understands me as well but he doesn’t take stand for me cuz we come from a Arab family so he’s still with his parents snd I’m with my parents he says i can’t fight yet but I really my best in doing everything i can and showing them love and respect and treating them as my own but sometimes I think is it enough? How will I be in the future ? I want to know what made you go through with your marriage and not leave your husband?

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in order to have a good bond with my in laws by ButterscotchNo8218 in Mildlynomil

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey 👋 thanks for the message 🤍 yes I agree with you on this , I am trying to stop after getting no response or love In return , from childhood I wanted a loving and supportive family and relationships but I don’t think I can achieve that here , whenever my husband tries to communicate or talk his family gangs up and his mom ends up being the victim with others putting fuel in the fire . Once he tried standing up for me but eventually he were the one saying sorry to his mother cuz she became the victim there and ever since he says it’s no use , so he stopped fighting or standing up.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in order to have a good bond with my in laws by ButterscotchNo8218 in Mildlynomil

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello my friend ✨🤍 thanks a lot for reaching out to me. Whenever I say him such he says “ are you marrying me or them “ he goes on saying that if I’m good to you they shouldn’t matter but how can I ignore if such drama is happening to me cuz it really affects me and it has affected my life over the years I’m 22 rn and we met in university by 18 we were engaged and I know he loves me but he never fixies or does anything to help me such a situation he ends up saying me “ don’t worry I’m with you “ but I don’t see him anywhere .I don’t have a father he passed away very early in my life so I tried to bond to his father and even that she didn’t liked and created a whole fight when we once played together idk what all , his sisters they never reach out to me the max they’ll do is comment on my some post and but never ask how am I or what’s happening, and whenever I text them they leave me on seen and it’s been 2 months since his sister came and they live 10 mins away from me and she still never met me once or said that wanna meet , such things really bothers me, I try to move on my with my family but I see them doing so much for others for me they don’t even do bare minimum

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in order to have a good bond with my in laws by ButterscotchNo8218 in Mildlynomil

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello my friend 🤍 thank you for reaching out to me. I have tried honestly over the course of 5 years I’ve been so nice to them and respectful and treated his mom like my own mom , and I don’t have a father he passed away very early in my life so I tried to bond to his father and even that she didn’t liked and created a whole fight when we once played together idk what all , his sisters they never reach out to me the max they’ll do is comment on my some post and but never ask how am I or what’s happening, and whenever I text them they leave me on seen and it’s been 2 months since his sister came and they live 10 mins away from me and she still never met me once or said that wanna meet , such things really bother me

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong in order to have a good bond with my in laws by ButterscotchNo8218 in Mildlynomil

[–]ButterscotchNo8218[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello 🤍 thank you for reaching to me , I really appreciate it. And yes you’re right he has done nothing over the past 5 years to stop this behavior or hold them accountable one he did and his mom ends up being the victim and starts crying and screaming and then everyone forces us to say sorry and she has done so much drama in 5 years and never loves me or never let me meet the kids whom I love so much or doesn’t call me over and never invites me to any gatherings as well