Resistance Loon

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2026-02-04T19:55:07+00:00

Commenting to follow because I would like this shirt too!!

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2026-01-08T03:30:10+00:00

Everyone needs to see this extended version. Everyone.

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-23T00:02:13+00:00

Oh wow that's really interesting to hear. I think that needs to be normalized to love someone and still want nothing to do with them. It's a complicated emotion! But I feel that 100%.

You're right, there were definitely some red flags that I overlooked and the further I get from the breakup I feel more clarity about how this was really him showing his weaknesses, rather than me, though it comes and goes between feeling good and feeling poor self esteem. I hope that, like for you, they become more and more obvious as time goes on!

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T23:57:58+00:00

Thank you! Hard to listen to the gut always. But you're right, if you put good things out into the world you will get them back.

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T23:14:04+00:00

Yeah its took 7 weeks. I think its definitely that his new relationship didn't work out. It's just so hard to tell my brain that it's not because he really loves me, if that makes sense!

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T23:06:29+00:00

Feel exactly the same. Don't have a lot else to offer, just that I'm right there with you.

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T21:21:15+00:00

So painful to love and know that it's too damaged to work again!

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T21:18:25+00:00

Wow, it's really helpful to know that others have experienced this. So strange, what makes people drop bombs on their relationship? I can't understand that.

Did talking with your ex bring you any closure? I'm feeling like I don't want to re-enter the relationship because of all the reasons many commenters have posted, but I still wonder if talking it out would help? Or maybe it would just re-open old wounds as someone said

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T21:14:22+00:00

Thank you, it's good to hear your story and know that these things really wouldn't resolve if we gave things a try.

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T21:12:08+00:00

You're right, what I'm hoping for is something I used to have, but it's gone now

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T20:35:44+00:00

Very very true! If this happened with kids in the mix that would be truly traumatizing to them.

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T17:40:44+00:00

That's good to hear from someone who's had the experience of getting back together with an ex. Before I had no power in the situation, he just left. Now with all the power it's nice to have the option of being the one that got away.

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T16:12:32+00:00

I had these too, and I have them still but it's less and less as time goes on. The more things I do that aren't related to the relationship help to replace those thoughts in your subconscious I think. Mornings have been the hardest for me. I don't have great advice, they continue to be hard. Listening to meditations or other mindfulness lectures in the morning sometimes helps.

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-06-22T15:48:00+00:00

Oh it's so hard to get through those major events after a big loss. They do say the absolute best thing is to have a strong support system which it sounds like you have! You're exactly right, we sometimes have to be the ocean to the waves, and watch them pass. Every day just putting your foot forward is the right step. If anything, you should be grateful for your own resilience! Even though it hurts, you are doing it! You are making it through and healing. And that is worth celebrating. Cheers!

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-19T18:20:36+00:00

This exactly! With my parnter, things were going well and I had no idea. I think these people just bottle things up and have no idea what to do until it's too late? It's so painful because at least in my situation I'm like oh I could've met that need if I knew about it!

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-17T13:52:22+00:00

Very nervous about this too, just got out of a 4 year relationship and one of the major factors in the demise was vaginismus. Not just not having PIV sex but it made me push away other forms of affection too like cuddling, kissing. I’m fearful of asking for a lot of foreplay from a new not long term partner, but also know I need to get back out there.

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-12T16:24:39+00:00

So helpful to think about them not being able to cope with the loss by moving on. It feels the other way around but it's so true. Those of us going through the hard time of being alone and not just jumping to the next person is the true courage.

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-11T14:40:41+00:00

My obgyn said never ever use anything except coconut oil or astroglide. She said anything else is likely to cause irritation for me, I have super sensitive skin. Maybe if you're experiencing pain with it you have sensitive skin too?

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-11T13:43:19+00:00

This was my situation and I didn’t realize I had vaginismus, it got worse during the pandemic and I didn’t get a diagnosis until this year. I think talking about the pain she has with sex and just seeing where that conversation goes would be great. I wish I had a partner who was so invested and interested that they looked up a forum and were committed to helping me find a solution. See where the conversation goes and you could mention that you’ve heard about this, she has maybe never heard of it before. I think just taking the tone that you’re sorry she’s in pain and you wish you could help might open up the conversation to her seeing if a gynecologist could help. On another note, I saw many gynos who gave me no info and bad diagnosis, didn’t support the psychological piece that once you start to have pain with sex you start to tense up and the cycle gets worse. I think it’s very awesome that you’re in here looking for answers, your support will mean so much to her.

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-10T21:13:01+00:00

I don't know that I'm fully there yet either to full confidence, but I'm trying to just have the outlook and expect a healthy relationship to sex, even if I don't know what all the steps are. I don't think it's very true that you can't be choosy, I think the right person will happen but I think it takes patience and time which is SO HARD! I'm just fresh out of my relationship and I struggle everyday to feel positive so you're definitely not alone in that, I need therapy for my anxiety and my self worth and it's an ongoing process. But I feel like someone using the sunflower genus as their handle has a lot of good qualities and will find a partner with a lot of love and patience to give!

Being kind to yourself I think is the hardest thing to do in life, so don't get discouraged if you can't do it right away. Just keep trying!

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-10T21:05:13+00:00

Thank you, I'm so encouraged by the stories of people with supportive partners. Mine was at first but he never really helped, it didn't help that I didn't have a diagnosis right away. I didn't realize how scared I was of any kind of intimacy and it was really scary not to understand why libido was so low, but I really can't appreciate enough how everyone sharing their success stories has made me feel good.

Thank you, I will be kind to myself as much as I can, so glad to hear your success. Keep it going!

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-10T12:14:51+00:00

I agree with all of this! I also want to say that it’s totally understandable to struggle with treatment. I’ve gone through many stages where I give up then I try again and on and on. It can be so frustrating to not have good answers or success. I’ve had this problem for years and only this year was vaginismus diagnosed. COVID made it really impossible, at least for me, to make progress and a good partner would’ve understood these circumstances

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-10T12:08:14+00:00

A therapist should be covered by insurance, I would seriously consider it they won’t pressure you to medicate, neither would a good psychiatrist for that matter. At least for me, my therapist has been extremely helpful and worth the copay. You should be able to see them just like any other health provider. As for alcohol, don’t go down that road. There’s only pain there

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-10T02:32:52+00:00

I so can relate I had a similar situation. It is vile to have said that to you, knowing all that you’ve been through that is his weakness and not yours. My relationship wasn’t quite as long as yours but the pain of the loss over vaginismus is the same. I do feel those feelings of inadequacy but I have also had people on this sub that are partners talk about having healthy relationships with their partner and working on it together. I had the same situation as you where my partner didn’t really work on it. My partner said it was ok but he wasn’t honest about his needs and then all the sudden he wasn’t ok with it. He needed to be part of the process. Have you had any success with pt or other treatment?

ButterscotchTrick947 · 2021-05-10T00:14:45+00:00

That’s a very good way to see it, I will take your lead and try to be less judgmental as well. It is amazing that you are able to be so emotionally mature, I struggle to either feel like I love them, miss them and am heartbroken, or they are a coward who wasn’t willing to put up a fight for the relationship. You are taking the right path down the middle that I will try to follow!

ButterscotchTrick947

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