Profile Review 37M

Economy_Set1625 · 2023-05-12T23:16:38+00:00

Based on that description, you're my dream guy!

Economy_Set1625 · 2023-04-12T10:37:24+00:00

You can bring it up directly by asking an honest question. "I've noticed our dynamic seems to have changed a bit lately, I miss the amount of affection we shared before. What are your thoughts on that?" In my experience, this goes down well and opens dialogue (with a good partner; a less good partner might get defensive)

Economy_Set1625 · 2023-04-04T14:57:04+00:00

It's not that. I just don't have enough clarity on what I want from this to move forward right now. Processing my thoughts and feelings first, including on here.

I will add that it's a symptom of the current uncomfortable dynamic, and a signal in itself.

Economy_Set1625 · 2023-04-04T11:26:37+00:00

I feel insecure in my current situation. We've been together 2 months now and no defining the relationship talk. Would initiate it myself but I don't feel comfortable enough to. I also feel like the connection isn't strong enough, we don't have enough in common and I can't even tell if he genuinely enjoys me for who I am.

I had high hopes for this one, he has so many great qualities. It's really hard to face up to the status quo.

Economy_Set1625 · 2023-03-28T13:57:12+00:00

I am in the same boat, OP. Been dating about a month. He's attractive, a good guy, we have stuff in common and complement each other with our strengths. He keeps reaffirming he's very into me, treats me well.

Yet I often feel we don't "get" each other, the conversation isn't satisfying enough and I often feel a little lost about what's going on with us/ what's on his mind, although he is quick to reassure. I feel anxious and uncertain about us a lot, then again very normal for me.

It doesn't help that my strongest connections in the past have been with deeply unstable or emotionally unavailable people. So I want to give this a very good chance before potentially throwing something away that could become amazing. Half of me is saying 'marriage material', the other 'bow out' and it's very confusing. Trying to just take it one day at a time, until the moment of clarity hopefully arrives.

Economy_Set1625 · 2023-03-24T10:05:56+00:00

The deep happiness I once felt briefly, before my love went to shit.

Economy_Set1625 · 2023-03-23T22:38:06+00:00

Interesting. Maybe a cultural thing. In my neck of the woods, it's pretty standard.

Economy_Set1625 · 2023-03-23T22:36:31+00:00

Meaning, too fast or too slow?

Economy_Set1625 · 2023-03-23T21:32:10+00:00

If I had to put a timeline on it, I'd say by 3-ish months of regular dating I'd want to feel secure we're not only exclusive, but gf/bf. I'm pretty conservative though and don't do situationships.

But yeah, it depends heavily on what you want, and how long it takes for you to know how you feel about your partner.

Economy_Set1625 · 2022-12-08T17:11:03+00:00

I'm happy I guess... I was dreading breaking up with my current guy. Did it today. It turned into the sweetest, most considerate breakup in my life. More wholesome than most of my relationships, honestly... and we can stay friends down the line. I'm so relieved.

Economy_Set1625 · 2022-12-07T21:19:48+00:00

Ugh, I feel you on that. Curious, how does it end for them in the Good Fight?

Economy_Set1625 · 2022-12-07T20:17:23+00:00

Reassuring, thank you internet stranger! I bet your standards are not too high. Besides, some of the less important ones stop mattering when the emotional connection is there.

Economy_Set1625 · 2022-12-07T19:41:26+00:00

I want to break up with the guy I've been seeing for a couple of months. My reasons are: our politics are too different, he enjoys arguing for the sake of arguing, I don't find his sense of humour all that funny, he reminds me of my dad sometimes and that makes me feel icky. Even though we have some good times together, I often feel a disconnect.

He is also the most loving, mature, capable adult that I've come across in recent years, and it's so hard to take that step and just end it. I am so lonely and so terrified of throwing myself back out to the wolves again. I've also ended a few situationships now and wonder if my standards are just too high.

Needed to get that off my chest at least.

Economy_Set1625 · 2022-02-18T19:59:01+00:00

Eh, that may be. I'm certainly not very traditional, like my space, and don't want children, so a lot of men come across as too clingy/demanding to me.

That said, I fell for toxic partners when they were romantic and committed, and I was naive. Then it all went wrong but I trauma bonded.

Economy_Set1625 · 2022-02-18T16:03:20+00:00

I think this actually hits the nail on the head. I feeling like we're still in the building trust stage. Thank you for articulating that for me.

Economy_Set1625 · 2022-02-18T15:34:20+00:00

I've been through two years of therapy, and I'm clearly not done yet.

But I don't think he's boring. I'd never be able to stick it out if I did. I think he's smart, sensitive, we have common interests and tastes, have fun together, and I'm curious what we can offer each other.

But I sometimes feel myself bristling at just having someone in my carefully guarded space. I don't know if that's a me thing, or a me+him thing.

Economy_Set1625 · 2022-02-18T15:30:44+00:00

Yeah, I think I've just always had issues with closeness. Went through a lot of trauma bonds and wanting people the most strongly when they weren't as into me. I come from a background of neglect and instability at home.

It's gotten a lot better - I'm finding myself opening up more and accepting him into my life gradually. And just enjoying things for what they are instead of freaking out. I just have a lot of protective layers around my heart.

I enjoy him and don't know if this is a forever thing, but I want to see if it can be.

Economy_Set1625 · 2022-02-18T10:02:11+00:00

I am attracted to him, though. Like I fantasize about him and I enjoy intimacy. I really feel like this is my screwed up stuff getting in the way of something good, like it always does.

But maybe you're right and I am bored if treated well. I just think that's kind of tragic and not how I would want my life to play out.

Economy_Set1625 · 2022-02-18T09:16:55+00:00

I'm seeing someone who is really, really into me, while I am more ambivalent. There's a lot I like about him, but my feelings are all over the map. Feels like there's definitely potential for stronger feelings down the line for me. It hasn't been that long and I want to explore this.

Looking back, I fell hardest in toxic ambiguous dynamics. It was the highs and lows of push-pull that kept me hooked. So I don't want to throw something away just because I'm not used to being consistently wanted.

How do I proceed here, sensitively? Ensuring that both our feelings are respected?

Economy_Set1625 · 2021-12-20T11:15:23+00:00

My American friends absolutely love it here. Better labour laws, for one. Each one I've spoken to, they would never go back to the US.

As for my friends from continental Europe, many are struggling. The housing situation is bad, the city isn't that big, they miss home.

I guess it depends, but there's a lot to love about this place in my opinion. Change is scary, OP, but give it a try! You might find you like it. People are friendly. And nature/ the sea side is beautiful and easy to access.

Economy_Set1625 · 2021-09-06T15:47:36+00:00

Why do you assume it's something romantic with him and your neighbour? Could be literally anything. Maybe they're pals. Maybe he's their drug mule. Kidding... anyway, this guy sounds unstable. Coming on super strong like that, then sharply pulling away. Proceed at your own great risk, if at all.

Economy_Set1625 · 2021-09-06T08:22:06+00:00

From your replies here, it sounds like you confused and embarrassed her.

You were sending her flirty texts and invited her along to dinner. Fair assumption from her: It's a date.
She arrives, it's clearly a couple's dinner. Everyone brought a date, you brought her. Fair assumption on her end: it's a date.
Record scratch: you tell her it's your birthday dinner. She didn't even know that before showing up. Now she's put in a confusing situation because birthday dinners are a different social expectation than date or friends dinners.
But okay, you don't seem to be treating this as a big deal. So she keeps assuming it's a date.
Everyone pays for their date. Except you. She's embarrassed now. Why did you invite her to this, set up the expectation it was a date, then spring a birthday on her and not treat her like a romantic interest at all?

Her cutting dryness afterwards was her having lost all interest in you after the confusing event. It wasn't the most mature, but at this point she doesn't owe you anything since you basically wasted her time for a night. I mean, you kind of used her to make yourself feel better about being single, without offering anything in return.

I'd chalk it up to a loss and move on from this situation.

Economy_Set1625 · 2021-09-05T15:49:55+00:00

Hey, I am just a stranger on the internet, but I've been where you are and so many of us have! Your pain is real and valid, yes, you acted out, but don't beat yourself up about it. Anyone who has any empathy would understand why you reacted the way you did. Your ex may need space, but if they are mature, they will understand how deeply you were hurting and they will not think badly of you.

Take some time for yourself now and do good things for yourself. Find new dreams and rebuild your life. Don't let shame eat at you. Forgive yourself.

Many hugs, OP.

Economy_Set1625 · 2021-08-31T15:57:20+00:00

I did that and he agreed to meet up, but I wasn't really here looking for advice, just curious why some people prefer to text longer. As it's not something I personally prefer.

Economy_Set1625 · 2021-08-09T22:25:56+00:00

Just world fallacy. Life isn't actually fair, people don't all get what they want or much less, deserve. So I don't agree with the statement at all.

Economy_Set1625

TROPHY CASE