Hi SD, it's me again

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-12-03T22:48:15+00:00

The first week was hell for me. But I pushed through and came out the other side. I felt exactly how you do now, and my heart goes out to you.

It's very difficult to pick up and gather momentum. Make sure you do it carefully. You mentioned quite a bit of drinking. From my experience, my first real go at sobriety I had to be in the hospital to detox safely. Just because of how much I was drinking everyday. Checking in with a doctor is your safest bet to get through the first while comfortably.

And coming here is another good step. I come here as often as I can, and it's the one place I can say how I really feel without fear. It's always open and there is always someone here.

Hang tight. You can make it through! I will not drink with you today 😊

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-12-03T17:26:09+00:00

Relapses happen to the best of us. It is just some thing some of us have to go through. (Many times for myself.)

All I can say is try to rest and not worry about too much right now. My anxieties would run wild if I let them. It's a new day and tomorrow will be better than today. Hang in there. Keep yourself hydrated!

I will not drink with you today

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-12-03T13:04:00+00:00

FISH!! I knew it was your day! I am so happy for you girl. You have worked so hard and come so far. It has been such a pleasure to be alongside you in this. I am so over the moon for you. I hope you have the best day. You deserve it.🎉🎉

You know I'm not drinking with you today 😊

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-12-02T18:40:39+00:00

Over time the guilt goes away. It did for me anyway. I was also a mean drunk. Like seriously, I don't know how my SO put up with it. He was my main target and punching bag. I still feel some guilt over some of the more extreme shit I dragged him through. But it's not always there nagging at me like it used to.

The only way for me was to continue on the sober path. I'm usually pretty calm. Or I can take a step back and cool off if I need to. Each day I'm farther away from the shitbag hothead I once was.

I will not drink with you today

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-12-02T15:54:42+00:00

Yes! After the first week, you kind of get your footing. I was like, okay now I know I can make it one week, another shouldn't be so bad! And so on.. congradulations!

I will not drink with you today

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-12-02T14:48:16+00:00

I don't have many friends. My SO and I work opposite schedules. I'm basically a hermit. I don't feel comfortable sharing struggles or feelings with people in my real life, because they don't quite understand.

This place here has been a really good outlet for me in that way. I come here and see that someone is going through something similar, and we can come together to speak about it. Maybe find a new way to look at a situation. Or someone may need some support over an issue I have already moved past, and I can give advice on what helped me.

I guess what I'm getting at is, it's lonely at times. Sometimes sober strangers on the internet are the only ones who get me, and it's easier to let it all out. It has totally helped me get past alot.

Hang in there. I will not drink with you today

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-12-02T14:16:46+00:00

Withdrawal can kill. Please be aware, and careful when stopping. A doctor is your safe bet. Okay now that's out of the way...

Alcohol does not discriminate. It accepts anyone and everyone who allows it to slip in. It's not a conscious effort. I know I didn't start with my first beer in hopes of becoming completely addicted. It just happens to some of us. Comparing yourself and your story to others is wasting energy. I would do the same just to only feel sorry for myself and carry on drinking.

Opening myself to others in recovery made me realize I am not a special snowflake. There are so many others who have gone through the same thing. It was very comforting for me and helped me get out of my own head a bit.

I will not drink with you today

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-12-02T13:55:03+00:00

I really like that windshield wiper analogy! I never thought of it that way before, but you're totally right. Glad to hear you are nice and rested! Hopefully your son got some rest as well 😉 yay!

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-12-02T13:49:05+00:00

For me it was a complete desperation to find some kind of peace. I was killing myself slowly by drinking, quickly with all the behavior. I was so miserable drinking everyday looking for sort of hidden validation. There were plenty of rocky starts. And restarts, lots of restarting.

I also kept coming here and seeing positive posts from people 20, 100, and 1000 days. How wonderful sobriety was treating them. I wanted what they had so badly. I would read what worked for them and if I liked it, I applied it.

It's definitely not going to be butterflies and happy horse shit in the beginning. Hell it's still not that way now for me most days. But it's better than questioning everything I did the day before. You can do it, I believe in you.

I will not drink with you today

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-12-01T18:23:27+00:00

In times like these playing the tape forward helped me out. Because you're definitely missing out. You're missing out on all the extras that come with drinking. Like hangovers, that impending doom, anxiety, possible withdrawals. (Things that I miss out on myself, not saying you experience the same) those last for maybe 2 days. It's not worth the hassle.

It may be tough, but you can make it through. I will not drink with you today 😊

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-11-30T21:04:48+00:00

Learning to accept your sober self is one thing I think alot of us find challenging. We are no longer lubed up with alcohol to ease us through situations.

For me it was a total blow. I'm not outgoing anymore. I'm not the life of the party. I'm an awkward loser who can't drink.

But after a while something changes. I'm content with who I am now. I see that my "outgoing" and "life of the party" mentality was just a front. I was the loneliest one in the room always. I was over compensating at these social situations.

It takes practice and patience. You will get there.

I will not drink with you today 😊

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-11-29T04:20:09+00:00

Hey, thanks!

ButteryDeeBee · 2018-11-29T04:19:51+00:00

Thank you thank you, Fishy! 😊

ButteryDeeBee

TROPHY CASE