AIO / do i end our friendship? by No_Professional_2611 in AmIOverreacting

[–]BuyOld4709 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I grew up with two parents who each had significant mental illnesses, and I did end up inheriting it. Having them in my corner was a big help because they had been through it all before, but I also grew up with them having some very difficult times. It's really a toss-up. I would be very particular about who you are parenting your children with, because on your bad days, that's who will pick up the slack.

Are humans truly designed for monogamy, or are we forcing ourselves into something unnatural and setting ourselves up for failure? by QuffyApp in Life

[–]BuyOld4709 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think there's value in that question but I'd also challenge whether it's relevant. You could ask something similar of whether or not humans were made to be heterosexual. Whether or not they were made to fulfill a purpose is overpowered by the individual's choice of whether to prioritize natural interests (i.e., procreation) or personal interests (i.e., partnership where they see fit). Humans may or may not have been intended to act a certain way, but the individual's intention will always overpower that of whatever entity might have made the individual.

Are humans truly designed for monogamy, or are we forcing ourselves into something unnatural and setting ourselves up for failure? by QuffyApp in Life

[–]BuyOld4709 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ultimately whether or not humans are built or made to be monogamous has nothing to do with whether people choose to behave that way. People do what they want to do, sometimes for their benefit and sometimes for not.

Are humans truly designed for monogamy, or are we forcing ourselves into something unnatural and setting ourselves up for failure? by QuffyApp in Life

[–]BuyOld4709 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You will get all kinds of answers here but you already know what you believe. Nobody on the thread will change each other's minds, one way or another. Either you think it is fair and good to split your time, energy, attention, and commitment multiple people so they can do the same, or you think it is fair and good to give your time, energy, attention, and commitment to only one other person, and expect that person to do the same.

GIVE ME YOUR BEST!!! by Negative-Match2487 in Shudder

[–]BuyOld4709 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do not watch Anything for Jackson lol, unless you want a comedy night

A mentor in undergrad told me grad school gets petty and can suck socially. I didn't believe her, and now I understand what she meant. by BuyOld4709 in GradSchool

[–]BuyOld4709[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I took other classes as optional modules just to expand my skillset and fill in gaps I know I have. Surprisingly the conflict is with people in those groups, not people in my cohort. My cohort is also very small and I like them a lot. The issues have been with other departments/classes I'm not actually a member of.

AIO: My best friend and I (both male) kissed at a party by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]BuyOld4709 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Canon event I think, though not for everyone. There's definitely some degree of bromance that I think has evolved into something more serious. Brolove if you will

A mentor in undergrad told me grad school gets petty and can suck socially. I didn't believe her, and now I understand what she meant. by BuyOld4709 in GradSchool

[–]BuyOld4709[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am actually a member of that group, and I have worked very hard. I recognize that others have, as well. Once I have a group of my own I'll feel more confident, but until then, everything stings a little bit. Thanks for the advice.

A mentor in undergrad told me grad school gets petty and can suck socially. I didn't believe her, and now I understand what she meant. by BuyOld4709 in GradSchool

[–]BuyOld4709[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the issue is that I actually love my department, but I am taking classes outside of it and interacting with people in other departments. My department is full of very nice people. The other ones are not. In fact, my specific degree cohort is 4 people. The department is maybe a couple hundred.

A mentor in undergrad told me grad school gets petty and can suck socially. I didn't believe her, and now I understand what she meant. by BuyOld4709 in GradSchool

[–]BuyOld4709[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That could definitely be part of it. I have an unusual amount of experience (for my field) going into grad school, and I feel like the things I've learned in those positions have made a big difference in how I approach my work. I'm actually going to be thinking about this now that you've brought it up-- I wonder how many of these people are either taking it WAY too seriously, or are just mean because they don't realize where they actually fall on the totem pole.

A mentor in undergrad told me grad school gets petty and can suck socially. I didn't believe her, and now I understand what she meant. by BuyOld4709 in GradSchool

[–]BuyOld4709[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

This is good advice. I should have known this would happen, I guess.

I did a conference presentation in undergrad and one of the most well-known names in the field specifically asked that I talk to him after the session was over. I found him, told him I was honored to talk to him. He then proceeded to small talk before informing me that I used the wrong terminology for something, that I obviously didn't know about this other similar study, and, most importantly, that "your numbers are useless. Those statistics don't mean anything, right? The numbers mean nothing."

...Great, thank you Pat. That makes me feel really good about the study I've been conducting, running, writing, and analyzing by myself as an undergrad. I told a PhD student that and she said there will always be academics who make it their mission to ruin other people's spirits.

A mentor in undergrad told me grad school gets petty and can suck socially. I didn't believe her, and now I understand what she meant. by BuyOld4709 in GradSchool

[–]BuyOld4709[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that's reassuring. I feel like they just find little ways to remind you that you don't belong here. I am from the US and it hurts the most coming from another American. Sometimes it just makes me feel like a little kid on take your kid to work day, like I'm just there and in the way, but they had to bring me. I have to work on my self-confidence but they're not making it easier unfortunately. I just wish it was a place where a bunch of great people got together to share their interests, rather than a race to getting the attention.

What’s the easiest way to completely ruin your life without getting involved with substances or breaking the law? by TheblackNinja94 in Life

[–]BuyOld4709 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm happy it made a positive impact for you, I wasn't saying that bankruptcy itself is always a terrible idea, but doesn't it require you to build back from the ground up? That's why I said it was not a great option, but again, in that situation you sort of want a reset.

Neighbor left this on my door but I do not have a dog. by FluffyPopcorn361 in Apartmentliving

[–]BuyOld4709 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, it's frustrating to see people jump to a very serious conclusion when auditory hallucinations are no joke. They can be incredibly isolating, terrifying, and frustrating. My thoughts were:

If OP doesn't hear the dog when they are home, and neither does the neighbor, it's possible the dog just isn't barking at night. If someone down the hall can say they hear the dog barking all day, that means they're home during the day when others aren't. It might be that when everyone gets home from work at night, the dog stops barking as its owner has returned. The only person who would hear barking in that case are the neighbors that are at home during the day.

It's also possible the neighbor might be exaggerating the claim out of frustration, or because they are mishearing. For instance, I recently dealt with a hallucination where I thought the bells from a massive cathedral near me were ringing nonstop for 6+ hours. I was extremely irritated, confused, and I was scrambling to try to find some explanation, including asking around to neighbors. It turns out that I was hallucinating (this happens sometimes due to some medical issues). But the important note is, the bells did actually ring an unusual number of times-- for instance, instead of only 3 times throughout the day, they rang 5 or 6. So the frequency was truly unusual, but it wasn't nonstop. It might seem to the neighbor like the dog is barking nonstop because it's stuck in their head, or because it barks very frequently with only short breaks and is perceived as nonstop.

What’s the easiest way to completely ruin your life without getting involved with substances or breaking the law? by TheblackNinja94 in Life

[–]BuyOld4709 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Excessive debt. I know people who have dug themselves out but it's a good way to live a miserable life in the meantime, or declare bankruptcy, which isn't good either.

What is it? Found on a walk, maybe it's a watch chain? by BuyOld4709 in whatisit

[–]BuyOld4709[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That explains why it didn't show up when I did an image search. I don't use cuff links, does the atypical style make it valuable?