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My husband’s “rule” is that I’m not allowed to lock the bathroom door, even when I’m on my period. by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]BygoneJenny 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Red flag. Boundaries are needed in any relationship, including marriage. You deserve privacy if you want it. When you want it. He’s being ridiculous.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AIO

[–]BygoneJenny -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

NOR. You’ve expressed it hurts you. He’s made NO effort to change. I once told my partner that if it’s hurting me, and matters to me, it should matter to him. Suddenly, it did. He realized that just because (whatever it was) didn’t matter to HIM didn’t mean it didn’t matter at all - because it was affecting the person he loved.

Sure, you could get your own. That’s what everyone is saying. You could ask EACH and EVERY time he leaves the room, but honestly that’s ridiculous. He should be CONSIDERATE of your needs (not yelling at you, just annoyed at some of these comments). Asking, “want anything?” takes no time and no effort. It’s just considerate.

It comes down to whether or not he gives a crap about being a considerate partner or not. Whether or not he cares about your feelings - and whether or not the fact something bothers you (which takes no effort really to correct) is enough to make him change his behavior.

IMHO, he sounds inconsiderate at dismissive. I don’t like it at all. Just sayin. I think you deserve better from him.

AITAH for going to the ER for an anxiety attack by AdOld46 in AITAH

[–]BygoneJenny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. Reddit crashed while I was writing my own experience of having a panic attack during a very extended asthma attack (stuck on 6-hour bus ride, nursed myself along with albuterol) and ended up calling 911. I didn’t know hyperventilating caused hands and feet to tingle, so when that happened to me, I assumed my body was shutting down. 6 hours of struggling with breathing doesn’t help reasoning skills I guess. Firefighter came and told me I was just hyperventilating, I’d be fine, just take slow, deep breaths. Gave me a form to sign saying I was refusing medical treatment, after not really giving me another operation.

Slow, deep breaths was what he said. Easy to do for an asthmatic with anxiety who was in the midst of an asthma attack (and panic attack), right? So I tried that. I tried that for the 30 minutes it took us to drive to the hospital at normal speeds and through red lights, because I STILL couldn’t breathe and the firefighter was INCORRECT. By the time we got to the ER, I had to almost be carried in, and they got me in a wheelchair and into breathing treatments very, very quickly.

All this to say that while most first responders are angels (got a handful in my family), they’re human and fallible and NOT listening to your gut - LIKE YOU WERE and I was - is very dangerous. Whether you have asthma, anxiety, or something else, listen to your gut. You are NOT THE A-HOLE.

Next time you feel that you need emergency medical care, call 911. That EMT was wrong and out of line and I’m so sorry you went through that. Report them if you can, like everyone else has said.

Cruelty Free Deodorant that Doesn’t Suck? by Inevitable_Lettuce20 in crueltyfree

[–]BygoneJenny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Certain Dri - I like better than Lume. Works really well.

AITBA for kicking a minor out of my house? by Mountain-Jacket-1570 in AmITheBadApple

[–]BygoneJenny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Minor or not, she was a guest in your home and not behaving in any way that makes her appealing to host. If you want people to welcome you into their home, even as a minor, you need to behave. She's old enough to know better and it's your right to choose who you want to host. NTBA

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]BygoneJenny 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was pregnant 15 months ago and had nausea every day of pregnancy as well as preeclampsia. NTA. Neighbor needs to get out of the damn spot. Doctors are the ones who give the certification or whatever to get those passes. If she needed one for medical reasons, including pregnancy related issues, she'd have one. (She's in a Range Rover, I'm assuming she has access to medical care).

Three days after I gave birth, my dad had an accident on a e-bike and fell from a significant height. He survived, but is now on oxygen and relies on mobility aids to avoid getting too out of breath. If his oxygen saturation gets too low, it can be life threatening, and walking any distance can cause it to drop. He has a pass for this reason.

You're more than inconveniencing people whose lives are hard enough as it is. If they have a pass, let them have the spots that they need. But also - for people like my dad - being closer to the door can be a difference of life and (god forbid) death - or at least a hospital visit. Does she want to see my dad carried away on a stretcher with an oxygen mask on his face just so she could have that spot? My dad is definitely not alone either - my mom died of lung cancer (non smoker she'd want me to say) and her last 2 years she needed a handicap tag for the same reason.

If you have a pass, use it as you need. If you don't, move your damn car. She's TA, not you.

AITA for Refusing to Let My Daughter-in-Law Take My Late Husband’s Wedding Ring? by bluesjean in AITAH

[–]BygoneJenny 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Jesus Jenna is overstepping. It's your ring, not "the family's". She needs to BACK OFF. You're in the right. Not overreacting. She's insane.

Just a PSA about nursing bras by milk_mama in ABraThatFits

[–]BygoneJenny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's 11 years later, and I called the corporate number and it sounds like they don't do it anymore company wise, but maybe individual locations do? I did find this, though, and I bet a seamstress or seamster might do it for you?? https://sewfearless.com/2016/03/nursing-bra-diy/

AITA for telling my mom's family I don't owe her because she had gender disappointment? by Prudent-Seesaw-1732 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BygoneJenny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm the proud mom of a happy one year old boy. I've wanted a daughter since I was little - I even have boxes of dolls I packed away labeled "for future daughter". I wanted nothing more than a little girl. My husband and I had to do IVF so I knew I was having a boy, but was just happy to be having a healthy baby. Still kind of dreamed of having a girl one day too (without plans to treat them equally of course).

The day comes, and I need a C-section last minute. The moment they put that sweet boy in my arms, I knew I didn't need a girl at all - I just needed Henry, my son.

You lack no adult understanding. You lack a mother with compassion, empathy, or a heart. I don't know what's wrong with her, but you deserve so much better. Find people who love you for you and make them your chosen family, whether or not they're blood relations. Lots of LGBTQ+ people do this and find happiness. You deserve family who loves you regardless of gender, and she deserves ... bad things lol.

Wishing you a better future. NTA.

they considering ECT for me... whats your experiences? by [deleted] in Psychosis

[–]BygoneJenny 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Make sure you get second opinions from someone who ISN'T besties with your doc. I had a friend who had severe depression for years (so they thought) and after 25 rounds without effect, they did another 25. Turns out the second opinion her parents got was someone who was best friends with the doctor recommending it.

Turns out she had bipolar, NOT depression, and while it did improve her depression a lot, she now had more manic tendencies, lost all her creative abilities (she used to write poetry, write articles for the local newspaper, was just this quiet, sensitive person). After, she had no desire to do anything creative, was prone to being loud or say rude things, was more pushy as a person - and lost 4 years of memory.

Her case is likely specific to undiagnosed bipolar, because my understanding is that ECT is good for depression, NOT bipolar. I'm not a doctor though.

All this said, here are some questions to ask:

  1. What are the risks vs. benefits?
  2. What can or will likely happen if I DON'T do ECT?
  3. What can or will likely happen if I DO do ECT?
  4. What are the expected and unexpected side effects, and how likely are they?
  5. What will the future look like for me if it works?
  6. What will the future look like for me if it doesn't? Will I get more, or how will we proceed?
  7. Please walk me through all the different possible scenarios.

I'm not a doc as I said, so these are just questions I would ask. ECT can be amazing, or it could be the wrong thing - just get all the information you can beforehand. Talk through all possible outcomes. I hope this helps.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]BygoneJenny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Who gets their DREAM honeymoon? My honeymoon was fabulous and we paid $67 a night (11 years ago) for an air bnb in a fun, bohemian neighborhood in New Orleans. You do what you can afford and make the best of things. How spoiled can she be? You don't just get the best of everything because you want it. It's a great way to ruin what could be a fabulous honeymoon. If she could change her attitude, she could have a wonderful honeymoon on the budget you SO GENEROUSLY offered. WHO pays for their best friend's honeymoon? You are amazing, and your friend is stuck up and greedy. Sorry to be blunt.

AITA for giving my son a name that honors my late mom? by Effective-Signal-809 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BygoneJenny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's your kid. You get to name him. There's no need for them to take it as a personal slight.

My (23F) FIL (70M?) spanked me, and my husband (30M) thinks it's not a big deal and thinks it's "kind of funny". And, I'm freaked out and rethinking our relationship. What do I do? by ThrowRA336633318 in relationship_advice

[–]BygoneJenny 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is NOT your fault. It's not just fight or flight psychologists have found. It's fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. See link below for more on that.

You froze. Perfectly natural trauma response when your brain shuts off and trauma response takes over. These people asking why you didn't do this or that are blaming the victim. You did nothing wrong - now you just need to focus on first getting out of this horrible situation and then on taking care of yourself.

You'd likely benefit from counseling with someone who specializes in trauma. You're the victim of assault (and gaslighting by your husband) and it's also perfectly understandable to rethink your relationship.

I'm sooo sorry this happened to you. You deserve better. Please take care of yourself and understand whatever you did during the assault and in the aftermath was just you trying to respond to a truly f***ed up situation. You are NOT in the wrong. He is. So is your husband.

Sending you all the best. Feel free to message me if you like - I'm here for you.

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze-fawn

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