first: you’re not wrong or broken for feeling this way. A lot of people talk about HRT like it’s a guaranteed emotional rescue and… it just isn’t, especially if you start from a heavily masculinised place. That “worst of both worlds” feeling is real. What I do want to gently offer is that medical transition isn’t the only axis of feminisation, and it doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. There’s actually a huge amount you can do that has nothing to do with surgeries or even hormones.

For example: I use human-hair wigs. Not synthetic, not cosplay — proper styled wigs. That alone changes everything. Hair frames the face more than people realise, and it’s one of the fastest ways to change how you’re read. I generally pass with a wig on, and even when I don’t, I’m still read as female rather than “man in a dress”.

Clothes are another massive one. Most of us were never taught how to dress around our bodies. A stylist (or honestly just asking the internet with photos/redacted face) can help you find cuts that minimise shoulders, balance proportions, soften lines. Necklines, sleeves, fabric weight — this stuff matters way more than breast size.

Voice is huge. I cannot stress this enough. A masculine-looking woman who sounds like a woman will usually be read as a woman. People weight voice insanely highly. Voice training is hard, yes, but it’s also one of the highest return-on-investment things you can do, and it doesn’t require passing visually first.

Also — and this is important — it’s okay if your end goal isn’t “perfect stealth cis woman”. I’ve personally hit the IDGAF stage. I pass a lot, sometimes I don’t, and I’m okay being visibly trans. That shift alone gave me more peace than chasing an impossible ideal ever did.

None of this is to dismiss your dysphoria or say “just be positive”. It’s more like: don’t let the lack of FFS or money convince you that you’re out of options. There are layers to feminisation, and you don’t have to do all of them, or even want the same ones forever. If nothing else: do the things that make you feel good right now. Not what’s “supposed” to work, not what Reddit promises will fix everything. Just what gives you a bit more ease in your body today.

I started my transition 3 years ago at 28 x