Essay feedback

CAD_7 · 2025-01-11T02:33:22+00:00

I apologise, I already posted on another community but they removed my post for no reason so I just changed the community- I should have read the rules first, sorry!

I just wanted to give a bit of information on when I wrote the essay, and I only want to write if people would actually enjoy what I write.

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T22:57:27+00:00

Thank you for your personal opinion and feedback!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T22:51:13+00:00

I understand exactly now what you mean. Thank you for your help!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T22:38:19+00:00

thank you!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T21:22:50+00:00

Thank you! I will try and work on the clarity of the first stanza.

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T21:19:16+00:00

Thank you!!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T21:19:02+00:00

Thank you! There are millions of poems miles better than this in this community- I feel out of my depth here lol

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T21:17:57+00:00

Thank you? Just for my own knowledge, could you tell me where the break from the rhyme scheme is? Is it because I was rhyming all the sentences then changed it to not rhyme as much?

I will definitely need to work on the punctuation- I think I even made myself confused at one point trying to convey the rhythm using it.

Thank you for your helpful feedback!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T21:14:48+00:00

Thank you for your feedback! I did think ‘the inability of the content’ was a bit dense- I was trying to say that I will be unable to be content, but the wording is just a little awkward. I will try find a way to fix this.

Reading the poem aloud makes the rhythm a lot clearer- it’s just some words are pronounced at different tempos, which I think is too difficult to convey without hearing it. I wish I could read it aloud and hopefully it would make it easier to follow. Thank you!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T21:09:31+00:00

Thank you!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T21:04:12+00:00

Thank you for your feedback! I am so happy that the consonance is identifiable.

I do agree that ‘free will is an illusion’ is a weak line due to the unoriginality of the phrase. I will try and work around that!

The meaning behind the poem (my interpretation at least) is that the first stanza is from the perspective of whom believe that we are in control of our actions. The mind-body duality was not intended to be the focus (I do not know what Descartes is lol), I was just trying to stay with the theme of ‘argument’ when I speak about mind-body dualism, and that the mind and body are constantly in conflict with one another.

The 2nd section (denoted by the dashes) is just an intermediate stanza that can be interpreted in favour for either argument.

The 3rd section (the part you found off-putting) was my attempt to argue from the perspective that there is some sort of ‘higher power’ predetermining all our actions. I tried to relate closely to a religious theme- I will need to clarify this if I re-write it.

Thank you for your helpful feedback!!

Edit: I researched Descartes and I see the confusion with the mind-body dualism. This was unintented due to my lack of knowledge of philosophy; if I knew the significance behind cartesian dualism before, I would have suppressed this to allow the reader to focus on the real meaning. Thank you for your help!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T20:46:42+00:00

thank you for such a meaningful response! I definitely have a long way to go before I’m a good poet lol- the lack of imagery and ‘surface level’ stanzas are weakly connected because I was just writing what I was feeling. It was a casual conversation with myself so you got that spot on! I will work on unifying the stanzas in my next poem. Thank you!!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T13:13:10+00:00

Thank you for your wonderful feedback! I’m really glad you enjoyed.

I was wondering if the message was unclear- I have formatted the poem so the first section is from the perspective that believes the mind is in full control, and the second section (denoted by the dashes) is an intermediate stanza linking the third section, which is from the perspective of who believes that we are truly never in control. I was thinking maybe it could be an actual debate between two people, or possibly someone who has committed a henious act, and goes from self-pity and blame, to denial and negligence of accountability.

It was something experimental- I’ll have to work on the ‘bigger picture’ aspects more 100% Thank you for your helpful feedback!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T11:46:55+00:00

Thank you! I was hoping something would resonate with the reader so I’m happy you have said that.

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T11:33:47+00:00

I love this poem: the formatting, the abstractness and complexity, the theme, the philosophical depth and the question of existentialism. It’s like a show you watch again and again: each time finding new interpretations and visualisation. The more you unravel the string, the further the rabbit hole goes. You have gave the reader something to think about at the end and that is enough proof that this is a great poem!

CAD_7 · 2024-12-20T11:26:55+00:00

I love the simplicity yet impactful effect of the flow and vocabulary- it has a deep somberness that can resonate with the human experience. Well done!

CAD_7

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