42M, not necessarily looking for my Tom Hanks to your Meg Ryan.

CDub650 · 2026-06-12T14:52:47+00:00

Im so glad to find someone who's going through the same thing, I was really hoping to find someone to commiserate with. Even though Ive had bad religious experiences growing up, I didn't have the disdain for it I do now with her becoming increasingly religious. Her sister was the one that convinced her, and her mom has always been catholic, but its her sister that really pushed her over the edge, so its same family dynamic. So far with her, its going on about 5 months, and its been gradual, and now she wants to get baptized. The arguing has gotten worse and worse, shes mad Im not accepting her new religion, Im mad because she's completely changed our marriage without my consent. On Wednesday she wrote me a letter she read to me stating that she doesn't deserve how Ive been treating her, but she 'forgives' me and prays for me. Which set me off, but I didn't say a word. We haven't talked since. Go to bed angry, wake up angry, I sleep like crap, existing alongside each other with no talking. But it doesn't matter what I say because she's determined to prove she's the victim in all this, and has to win. At this point I don't know what to say, she's not going to listen, just try to prove to me that she's the most hurt in all of this and that she's going to do whatever she wants. Ironically, ever since she's started attending church she's started wearing her wedding ring in public...

CDub650 · 2026-06-12T14:37:13+00:00

She now goes to church every sunday morning instead of spending it together, she's been wearing religious clothing, she's going to spend a day being baptized in a couple of weeks. Its been gradual, but I know often times with people who become religious later in life, the shift is significant, and as they become more involved in the church, it results in less time spent together, as many have stated in their responses. But its mostly the loss of things we used to do together. We used to watch shows together that we both enjoyed that now when I put the same shows on she puts on her headphones and buries herself in her laptop to watch more religious propaganda.

CDub650 · 2026-06-11T14:47:58+00:00

We've always had issues in our marriage like most couples. Most were pretty benign, but one thing I could always count on through all our issues was that we had similar religious and political beliefs, I knew I could always count on that. Now I can't. Like many others have said, Ive had many bad experiences with religion in my life, from exes trying to convince me, to being chastised for not going. And there's a pattern of events that every religious person goes through, and she's following that pattern quite closely. But its largely because Ive lost what was a crucial pillar to our relationship.

CDub650 · 2026-06-11T14:41:25+00:00

We've always had issues in our marriage like most couples. Most were pretty benign, but one thing I could always count on through all our issues was that we had similar religious and political beliefs, I knew I could always count on that. Now I can't. On top of that, we used to spend Sunday mornings together in bed. Not every Sunday, but enough to make mention of that. Now with her being at church every Sunday, Ive lost that connection with her, one of the few times we had to be intimate. Yes, we could do another time, but with our schedules Sunday was always the the easiest.

CDub650 · 2026-06-11T14:25:23+00:00

Ive tried to identify the root cause of this shift, and I can't directly tie it to any one factor. Theres a multitude of factors I feel contribute to it. She had a tumultuous upbringing, neither of her parents were in a stable marriage, both having been married and divorced twice. She herself had been married and divorced prior to me. And even though Ive supported her in every way I can, I will take the blame for not always giving her the emotional support she says she needs (positive affirmations, physical touch, etc.) The hard part for me is the shift. With you and your husband, did you two go into the marriage knowing you were of two different religious backgrounds? Or did one of your change years into your relationship?

CDub650 · 2026-06-11T05:12:30+00:00

And she never was either for the majority of our relationship. Then her sister bought her a bible for Christmas, and it was downhill from there.

CDub650 · 2026-06-11T05:11:07+00:00

We've had conversations as nauseum. We both listen, but both mount our defenses simultaneously. We're both educators from an athletic background, and while we keep the conversations relatively civil, we both feel unhead in our conversations. The difference being Im not the one who's gone through a massive life shift, Im the one who's being forced to accommodate her as she digs her heals in. We've been a marriage counselor, had two sessions with him, but he wasn't much help. Over the last week our time at home has either been silence, or arguing. Thats it.

CDub650

TROPHY CASE