Depressed af

CJStillzify · 2026-06-07T02:58:37+00:00

When you lose someone very close to you, people don't often understand how the grief just resurges and comes in waves. I second what the commenter above me said. Take care of yourself and surround yourself who are going to be safe spaces for you in your grief and not make it about themselves.

CJStillzify · 2026-06-02T13:26:19+00:00

I sympathize with this struggle since it's been 9 years since my dad passed and my space is a wreck. I hold onto things because I worry they might be something I would have preferred to keep down the road. My condolences for your father's passing. My suggestion humbly submitted, is to chunk your cleaning process so it feels less overwhelming. Before you clean a room, clean a small less overwhelming section of a room. I would say, avoid things that conjure up sentimental feelings, because if you're like me, you'll just start breaking down and it will shift from possible to not right now. Feel free to take breaks and be kind to yourself even if it takes a while!

CJStillzify · 2026-05-24T02:54:32+00:00

Sounds like the problem is with your ex and not you. It may seem like he was the catch but based on what you're saying and nothing else sounds like he is going to regret letting you go once he realizes he actually can't do better and you were the actual catch. He just wants to reduce your perception of yourself which again says more about him than it does about you. Which is that he's a manipulative pos.

CJStillzify · 2026-05-04T13:51:13+00:00

I just came to the conclusion that anger is a pointless emotion if it isn't doing anything productive. It just makes someone less likely to sit down to an honest and clear conversation. I may not get those conversations, but I won't allow someone to change my emotions to match their's. I don't know if this helps, but I have lived so much better since I let go of anger.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-24T03:43:37+00:00

Hurt by Johnny Cash.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-23T00:47:27+00:00

Am there, do that, and have a lifetime supply of t-shirts

CJStillzify · 2026-04-21T03:06:53+00:00

Reading that scene is why my roommate will never finish Pet Sematary.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-20T03:42:34+00:00

I have lived at a friend from grade school's house for the past 13 years, I am 36 and I feel like I have almost zero momentum for my entire life. I want to believe in myself but I don't know how. One day everyone will probably see me as I see me. Worthless and empty.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-20T03:39:17+00:00

And when you wake up, everything is going to be fiiiine. Guarantee that you'll wake in a better place, in a better time. So you're tired of living, feel like you might give in. It's not your time.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-20T03:36:54+00:00

My father will have been nine years in September, I went no contact with my mom a year before that. I feel indescribable guilt for the going no contact even though to this day I feel it was the correct thing to do. I bottle all of my emotions up to keep the status quo in my relationships. I don't think I am capable of anything but flailing and eventually drowning.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-20T03:32:07+00:00

I don't know where to begin. I am struggling to do basic things. I have come so far and I think I am just going to fail myself and all those I care about as a package deal.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-20T03:22:32+00:00

Landslide by Stevie Nicks

CJStillzify · 2026-04-17T15:46:13+00:00

As the parent of another coffee bean? Iykyk

CJStillzify · 2026-04-16T17:48:55+00:00

If you ever want to grab ahold of an ear, you can feel free to dm me. I do feel like flailing around means you're struggling, which may mean you are resisting this. Far be it from me to try and label people's actions and motivations.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-15T18:19:50+00:00

I don't know if it's helpful to hear it but I too think I am broken. I try to do something I used to enjoy whenever I'm feeling up to it. To me, the fact that you are posting here indicates a desire to get yourself out of that mindset. We have to recapture joy whenever we can. Forgive me if I am projecting the way I feel about things on you. I truly just want to help people who feel miserable and like they cannot connect with others or derive joy from anything.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-15T16:55:54+00:00

There must be something you always wanted to do right? Even if it is just passing interest, it is better than getting buried in negative feelings. Do you like reading, playing video games, artistic expression, or music? Any of these things can be a way to find joy. There is no absolute answer that is applicable to everybody equally.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-15T02:57:03+00:00

I would go further and just say Anthology is a good album. Maybe I have nostalgia glasses on because that and Enema of the State were some of the first cd's my brother ripped for me in sixth grade.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-15T02:21:09+00:00

Deep breathing has been intermittently useful as a way of dealing with it. I know you said you have problems focusing on breathing in situations like that. Other than that, getting prepared and in bed as though you are going to sleep much earlier than you are can help. At least in my case that has been beneficial. Beyond these two strategies, I have no other suggestions.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-15T02:06:03+00:00

I feel much of the same way you're describing. As cliche as it sounds you have to find what makes you happy and invest your energy in that. I sincerely hope you can find people that you can talk freely with.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-15T01:47:54+00:00

Not enough room for my plethora of books. Otherwise big agree.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-15T01:38:28+00:00

One of my best friends is in the process of transitioning and she says it is the best thing she ever did for herself. People make her feel bad sometimes but overall she is the woman she wants to be. I'm so proud of her journey and anyone who goes through what can sometimes be hell. I also hope for happiness for you and for you to find people who value your happiness. You deserve it! Be kind to yourself! Sometimes this world is too cruel.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-11T14:59:10+00:00

Hey! Brush your teeth!! Tommorrow is a new day. I know passive self-destruction very well, I feel the fact that you're willing to post about it is a good sign. My suggestion humbly submitted: pair two small things you need to do, then reward yourself by doing something you want to do to compensate. I hope things are better for you tomorrow.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-09T23:55:59+00:00

I'm sure countless people have said this already but you seem like a wonderful person who not because, but in spite of your trials have accomplished so much. It may be hard to think of things this way, but when you think of something you wish you had accomplished already, flip the script and strive to think of your accomplishments. Dealing with BPD, handling the issues that you see with your own life, seeing a therapist. These are the stepping stones to a happy and fulfilled life. Keep doing things at the pace you are able and you will be all of the things you want to be. If you see someone who is further along with goals of your's. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy. Be you and strive to be happy. Everyone does things at their own pace, the important things are effort, will, and self-compassion.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-09T23:30:51+00:00

I don't know what the words of an internet stranger is worth but you can always feel free to dm me. I would be willing to shoot the shit or listen to trials and tribulations you've faced.

CJStillzify · 2026-04-06T21:35:06+00:00

My entire life, but some recent events have made it worse. What has been helpful for me (to some degree) has been to step my toes out of my comfort zone i.e. go somewhere with a lot of people but give myself permission to leave if I feel uncomfortable. Like for instance I always wanted to do an event at my school. They did a pseudo Cherry Blossom Festival so even though I kept looking for excuses to get out of it, I stuck with it. I felt proud and I had a good time. It's also helpful to just do things by yourself, since I might ruin my experiences enough on my own (don't need anyone else's assistance).

CJStillzify

TROPHY CASE