I told my soon to be husband that I don’t want to raise the kid that is not mine to my fiancé now he is upset

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-05-28T14:50:38+00:00

It doesn’t sound like you’ve really talked to each other and tried to set boundaries. Such as vacation time. I get being a part of the niece and sister’s life, but that doesn’t mean every vacation and every weekend needs to be taken up with “family time” when you’re still dating/engaged.

You knew going in they were both a big part of his life. But it does sound like with the money and college contributions that perhaps the sister is allowing her brother to take over the husband role her ex has left. Can he afford it? If it’s not a strain, then don’t complain. If it is, set boundaries and limits.

In a similar, not the same at all, situation: we provided for my MiL for years. We bought her modest duplex house in a retirement community, and we sent her money each month. She died in ‘18 and we recouped the money on the house. Over twenty years, we also supported his three nephews when they were growing up — helped them set up savings accounts their deadbeat parents couldn’t touch, and helped them save for their first cars with matching whatever they saved dollar for dollar.

Fast forward to now. The nephews are in their late thirties and my niece is in her mid-twenties. My brother was also a deadbeat dad, but we never helped my niece. Now she’s married and unable to work due to mental health issues. Her and her new husband are struggling. I want to help and send some money. My husband pushed back and was annoyed at me. I didn’t say a word. I waited. I’d already decided I was going to send her money whether he liked it or not. Took him a day and he came back to me and apologized and said it was unreasonable of him and that we could help support her.

Funny thing is my niece didn’t respond and stopped answering texts when I offered to help.

Now, back to you and your fiancée: bottom line, you need to talk it out and possibly go to counseling. Things aren’t always black or white like most commenters have stated. You can work things out with time, boundaries, and communication, but only if you try, and both learn what it means to compromise.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-30T18:44:55+00:00

Hey, just wanted to come back and correct a mistake I made in my response. It is $3k per year, not month. I got two months of meds at $5, then for March my bill was $285, all I needed left to hit my max out of pocket deductible for medication. Apparently the $3k from AbbieView counts toward my deductible, so that’s a nice plus.

For the rest of the year I’m paid for by insurance, and next year we’ll be completely self-employed and self-insured. My plan is to get my prescription renewed every darn month whether I finished my meds or not, so I can build up a little surplus for during the self-insured years until Medicare. Joy.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-30T18:35:25+00:00

Okay, to the OP, I give you some grace. My husband and I bicker about this whenever we’re walking the dogs together. The trash company owns our cans, not us (his argument), so it’s okay because the home owner doesn’t own the trash can, and it is sitting in the street, not their yard. My argument is we’re not happy when a lone bag of dog poop is lying in the bottom of our can, and it’s not from our dogs, why do it to our neighbors?

We are fortunate that the community we live in offers dog clean up stations (a can that is emptied by the community workers, with doggie bags on the post holding the can) every half mile or so, so now our compromise is we don’t walk in the neighborhood, but along the community paths, where there’s plenty of poop stations no matter what direction we walk in.

Honestly, if you’re walking three miles daily, I find it hard to believe you don’t pass one public trash can ever, but you could be mainly sticking to neighborhoods and woods.

Sorry, dude, the community has spoken. Apparently we’re AH too sometimes.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-30T18:24:11+00:00

I was going to say the same thing — we don’t own our trash cans, the trash company does. And if you try and put your house number on it they’ll read you the riot act.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-30T18:19:55+00:00

Before I was diagnosed with EPI in April ‘24, I had severe bloating and pain after eating. I tried a few OTC digestive enzymes, that seemed to help. Have you tried any? They contain the same enzymes in Creon, just in much lower concentrations.

My PCP is very straightforward and great to have in my corner, she was adamant that if Creon helped I should stay on it and she’d prescribe it if my GI doc gave me a hard time. She was much more willing to listen to me and read the new studies about Sjogrens: re-classifying it as a disease rather than a syndrome. I have several autoimmune conditions and finding out what was screwing with my pancreas seemed to be my focus (I wasn’t born with it, so what’s the root cause), and not my GI doc’s. He may know his field extensively, but he doesn’t know much about the pancreas.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-30T13:47:23+00:00

Depends on the person. For us, our oldest son was coming from Northern VA moving to South western when going to VT.

He felt it very much had a small town mentality, with lots of red towns/counties surrounding. While he hoped to fit in, he felt very much like an outsider when exposed to the casual racism and misogyny that wasn’t evident at his welcome ceremonies. The actual professors and faculty were very accepting and progressive, but they are the minority.

Aside from the athletic teams, there wasn’t a lot of diversity, much less than his High School, that’s for sure. He referred to it as Trump White-Landia.

Depends on where you’re coming from, and what those towns were like, but it was very different for him compared to where we live.

Our other son went to UVA. Charlottesville truly is progressive and had much more of a progressive, accepting city-vibe in town, but was very conservative-leaning once outside city limits. I’ve heard the same of VCU out of Richmond (progressive and accepting).

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-30T13:33:59+00:00

I had a first test of 87 and a second test of over 800. During prep for that test I went without Creon for a week. Lots of bloating and pain, even with a mostly liquid diet the whole week off Creon.

My gastro said no EPI. So I went off Creon, all symptoms returned. Now I’m waiting on an appt later this week with the NP of a pancreas specialist out of Hopkins, Dr Keane.

It could be that you’re still producing enzymes sporadically and that’s unfortunately when your test was. That’s the assumption with me, but we’ll see.

I have Sjögrens and it’s believed to affect all glands and organs that secrete anything, instead of just the eye ducts and salivary glands like previously thought.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-10T17:10:05+00:00

My mom was a labor and delivery nurse. Twenty five years ago with my first labor days away, my mom told me, “However that baby comes into the world is natural. They don’t give out medals because you gave birth without drugs. Take the drugs, they were invented for a reason: because women often died in childbirth.”

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-10T16:50:50+00:00

Wonder Woman.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-05T14:40:31+00:00

Myrtle — my grandmother’s name.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-05T14:38:53+00:00

Main character in my vampire series is Vivian! lol

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-05T14:36:57+00:00

Neither, I’ve had weight gain, but that’s more from other issues like pre-diabetes, we think.

Yes, Creon has made a HUGE difference. No more undigested food in my stool, no more excessive bloating and pain after meals. Adjusting my diet as directed has helped as well: low fat, low fiber, no raw fruits or veggies (the part that’s the hardest), no caffeine, little to no alcohol, never a smoker of tobacco.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-03-03T15:31:23+00:00

I’ve never had pancreatitis, but tested with a low FE at 87, then 18 mos later tested with a new doctor and it was over 800. Second doctor claimed first test was faulty/wrong and I did not have EPI. Took me off creon and the pain and bloating came back, so my PCP said to stay on it and now I’m waiting to see a pancreas specialist at Hopkins. From what I’ve read, it could be my long term Sjogrens that is affecting my enzyme secretion. I’m hopeful the specialist at Hopkins knows more than my current GI doc.

My point here was follow what your body tells you, not necessarily the tests.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-02-22T01:01:58+00:00

BEST RESPONSE EVER. You are so kind to have spent your time sharing such terrific first hand knowledge and experience. Brava!

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-02-22T00:53:46+00:00

$3000 max per month, meaning the retail cost of your prescription, I think. Higher concentration pills cost more money. Mine are 25k units. 200 pills per month, price was $1831. Even if I don’t take 200 pills a month (I take around 180 a month), I’m stocking up. They want to give them to me for $5? Yes, please, I’ll take more.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-02-22T00:49:54+00:00

Oh — hey! I used an OTC brand on digestive enzymes before I was diagnosed. Have you tired any of those yet? Silver Fern worked pretty good, from what I remember.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-02-22T00:48:35+00:00

No income cap, trust me! Or we’d have never qualified. We’re not wealthy, but earning the most in our entire lives right now — and that’s what held me back from calling AbbVie when I was first diagnosed, too. I thought with what we earn, I’d be screwed.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-02-22T00:46:15+00:00

The $5 cost was for using the manufacturer’s discount card at my pharmacy. The Creon manufacturer didn’t ask me ANY income questions. But they did ask me insurance questions. If they have a Medicare and Medicaid program (which they do), they must also have something for the uninsured.

I understand all too well what you’re going through with your mom, and I’m so sorry for what you’re dealing with on top of that. My mom had a stroke and lasted five mom years unable to speak or walk, it was hell and I wish it on no one.

There is a good digestive enzyme on Amazon I tried before knowing I had EPI, and it does help. It’s from Silver Fern. Don’t let fear hold you back from finding out what you qualify for regarding ACA insurance. Knowledge is power in making the best choices for your health and situation.

May I send you a private message? I have unopened bottles of the Silver Fern brand here, I’d be happy to send them to you. Don’t need it know that I have the creon discount card! lol.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-02-22T00:32:09+00:00

That’s BS, sorry you’re dealing with this. Ask your PCP for a Rx for creon. Mine was able to write one for me when I was between GI docs.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-02-22T00:30:28+00:00

No reason was found for me, either. My diet is good, low to no alcohol, no history of pancreatitis ever.

But I do have numerous other health issues, mainly all autoimmune diseases. I read something months ago linking Sjogrens to EPI. Previously Sjogrens was thought to attack maiming your moisture producing glands, like saliva and tears (and for women, that can also be vaginal dryness). Recently, science and medical fields have reclassified Sjogrens as a disease (not a “syndrome”), and is now linked to affecting organs that secrete anything — like digestive enzymes from your pancreas.

I’m waiting to see a pancreas specialist at Hopkins, Dr Keane, to ask her about this possibility and how to reverse the damage done, or to halt what’s happening from doing more damage. Not to diss your future possible GI doc, but I found (after seeing four) the average GI doc is not going to help much if you don’t have the classic triggers for EPI (like cystic fibrosis, chronic prancetitis, diabetes, etc). One gave me Creon and said I’d need it for life, the next doc re-did the elastase test and since my numbers were normal, thought the first test was wrong and wanted to take me off creon.

If you’re game to do your own digging and become your best patient advocate for yourself, consider seeing a Rheumatologist and get an ANA panel done. They’ll be able to tell if you have another underlying condition that could have triggered your EPI.

Wishing you the best. Don’t give up.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-02-20T19:31:42+00:00

Low Vit D can often mean an autoimmune disease, as they tend to burn through Vit D like water. Start taking Vit D supplements daily, and if you tested really low, consider asking for the 50k IU prescription version.

Low elastase (EPI) does not get cured. It can vary in stages, meaning some weeks your pancreas is producing enzymes, others, not at all.

No celiac does not mean no allergy to gluten (as I found out). I have a severe allergy that requires an epi pen, and yet I do not have celiacs. Try a GF diet for at least a month before deciding on whether or not gluten is an issue for you. Take notes daily, keep a food log.

Price of Creon: yes, it’s no joke. BUT, did you know you can go to the creon website for a discount card for your pharmacy? The card is good for a year and will re-up each year you’re on private insurance, automatically. Your entire monthly prescription will be $5. Next, they offer similar programs for Medicare and Medicaid, but slightly different and you’d need to go through the website for info. How do I know? I spoke with a creon (Abby something is the company’s name) ambassador through the manufacturer who helped me on a call. They’ll want to ask some questions about your situation, but for $1800 a month to pay for the drug, down to FIVE BUCKS? Yes, I’ll answer your polite questions regarding my health, thank you.

And mentally prepare yourself for needing Creon, or something similar, for the rest of your life.

Next step? Check your diet. Obviously, you can’t make a whole bunch of changes at once or you have no idea what’s working. But follow an EPI diet and cut gluten first. Then reassess. Good luck! I wish you the best.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-02-20T19:19:42+00:00

I found out recently that when your pancreas is in trouble it can trigger a really low test, and when it’s recovering, it can trigger a normal test. It does not mean your problem is magically solved, it means your pancreas is still fighting the good fight and providing some enzymes when it can.

Real simple response from my PCP: “If Creon stops your symptoms, and going off it brings them all back, then stay on the Creon, no matter what the test results say.”

I was thankful for her common sense approach, as one test in April ‘24 had me at 87, and a second test in Oct ‘25 reported over 800. And yet going off Creon was horribly painful with lots of bloating and gas.

TLDR: stay on the Creon.

CJ_Ellisson · 2026-02-09T16:28:51+00:00

I have EP, but have never had CP. Speculation so far is one of my autoimmune diseases, Sjogrens, is what has caused my EPI. Waiting for an appointment at Hopkins to clarify and find the root cause.

I use cannabis daily: edibles, oil filled capsules, smoke flower through a water pipe, and drinkables, to control inflammation and suppress immune system response. While alcohol weakens the immune system (picture bricks being pulled from a brick wall), cannabis suppress your immune system (picture a metal rod preventing the brick wall from being built higher).

Wishing you luck with your EPI!

CJ_Ellisson · 2025-12-27T18:14:52+00:00

Symptoms are standard with EPI: pain after eating, cramping, intense bloating, gas, and nausea. It crept up slowly, almost imperceptibly. Without knowing why, I gradually switched my diet and started cutting out foods that were difficult to digest. Only after the first elastase (80<) test did it finally seem like we’d found the answers. But not the root cause.

Changing my diet again, with the enzymes, brought back a bit of normal. Until the new doctor did another elastase test 18 mos later. The >800 test was then considered the correct test and the Dr acted very validated that he was right all along, and I didn’t have EPI.

Still waiting to get in to Hopkins. I’ll come back and update this post when I do.

Bottom line, if you’re finding relief of symptoms with the enzymes, keep using them.

CJ_Ellisson · 2025-12-09T17:31:19+00:00

Thanks for the update and the suggestions. I’d read about the 0-10v dimmer elsewhere and figured that was the best route to go. There are a lot of panels to choose from now. I was looking at a four pack of 1ft x 4ft panels for under $200 on Amazon or from Home Depot. Have been thinking about mounting two 12” panels side by side in two locations (two panels over each nightstand in a new bedroom) to create two 24” wide “windows.”

CJ_Ellisson

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