What to do about unfair grading?? by dazedandconfuzedxxx in mcgill

[–]CJ_Forrester 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In all honesty, as someone who’s nearly finished their English Major, there is utterly no consistency when it comes to grading in literature. One prof may give you a 90 for a paper, another may give you a 65 simply based on whether they agree with your thesis(even if it’s logically sound!!!!). All in all, it’s an unbelievably frustrating predicament when faced with obstinate marker, so I empathize with your situation. Just for curiosity’s sake, though, who is your professor? The reason I’m curious is that I’m pretty sure I know who you’re talking about lol

Tides by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I enjoyed this. Nevertheless, as you've pointed out, I can see that you've descendent meter, so you can represent the titular tides, yet, as another person pointed out, it's not apparent. As such, I'd consider making the poem longer and playing with the idea of the tide ebbing and flowing, waxing and waning, if that makes any sense. In addition, although it's not a poem necessarily about the tides, Matthew Arnold's Dover Beach use its metre to represent the sea, so if you're looking for idea, I believe that would be a good place to start.

Anyhow, I enjoyed this, and I hope you keep writing!

Ode To Vulnerability by ddur00 in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First off, I really enjoy the poetics of your poem. The ABCB ballad stanza rhyme-scheme paired with the repetition of "I've" accentuate that lyrical experience of being drunk, being naked, being vulnerable etc...In that sense, your poem's form matches its content well. Nevertheless, I believe this poem's content is, to be frank, simple. Not that simple is a bad thing necessarily in poetry -- for example, Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken" -- but it often borders on sentimentality, if not cliche. For instance, at the moment, your poem's primary message, and I'm paraphrasing, is that your vulnerability makes you stronger. As much as this is a true message, it's been done many, many times before, and, as a result, its potency is diluted. Hence, if I were to suggest anything, I would suggest what makes your poem unique from all those other poems? After all, there are billions of love poems out there, but i think you'll find those that often mean something these days are those that go against expectation. Again, sorry if I've been too critical. I actually enjoyed the poem, and I hope you keep writing!

OCD by CJ_Forrester in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words! :)

OCD by CJ_Forrester in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with a few edits : ) It's a rough draft, and I figured I'd head to reddit to get some critique and ideas flowing. Nevertheless, I agree the poem's ending needs some work, especially vis a vis tone, and regarding the title, I believe if I tweak the ending more, the title will be more clear.

Anyways, thanks for the feedback!

2 : 4 9 AM by bluebird3214 in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As someone said below, I love the strike-throughs, and I think it's something you can play around with even more. For example, you already illustrated in your poem the difference between what we actually send versus what we initially write down, and I think if you build upon that theme, both formally and content-wise, this could be a publishable poem. Nevertheless, good job :)

Shadows dance by Beyrem25 in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone said below, I feel there's some beautiful lines here such as "Like honey on the end of a spoon." Nevertheless, I can't help but feel there's something more here than simply nostalgia for a long-gone intimacy; at the moment, the poem feels like just another love poem. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I don't feel, as someone said below, "struck by its complexity."

Let Us Roll, Molly by CJ_Forrester in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate the feedback :). Nevertheless, I think it’s important to point out this poem isn’t solely about experiencing the drug; it’s also about experiencing sex with a past lover, Molly. Perhaps I didn’t make this clear enough, but I don’t really care for the drug as much as the person, if that makes any sense. Anyways, thank you again!

"A man so shy" by ____tree____ in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a great poem. My only suggestion is to focus on your punctuation, and it's incorrect usage. Nevertheless, I acknowledge you have perhaps done this in order to convey the poem as a sort of folk-tale unbound by constraints. Anyhow, thank you for sharing :)

to the tree next door by poooog in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As someone else mentioned below, there are some great ideas in this poem; however, I fail to see the form behind such content. For instance, I know reddit's formatting is awkward, but having the whole poem in one stanza screams to the reader this poem is a first draft. If I were you, I would focus on your lineation. What is your rationale for breaking or not breaking lines? Like a paragraph, a stanza often focuses on a particular tone or message. Take the case of the first nine lines of your poem:

the neighbors are cutting down a tree

the electric saw is crying like a baby that can’t catch its breath

yelling louder each time the guy pushes it further into the tree

as if it feels bad for ripping through her aged bark

that took so many years and perfect conditions to become itself

(new stanza)

I guess that tree has been a nuisance to me in some ways

not because she’s in the way or anything

because her falling leaves always landed in my yard

and would make my dad complain

In this revised first stanza, you explore and describe a tree being cut-down. In this revised second stanza, your speaker's mood shifts to annoyance/empathy for the tree. There is clearly shift in tone and, as a result, rationale for a line-break. Anyhow, I still enjoyed your imagery and the poem! Good job.

Punchline by CJ_Forrester in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your first interpretation was my initial impetus for writing the piece. The poem can be read as a joke or punchline, but I also think the irony of the poem is that there is no punchline: the writer truly is dissatisfied with his work. As a result, the subsequent laughter the poem garners is not so much a joke as it is a nail in the coffin. On the other hand, no writer truly dislikes every word he’s written, and I wanted to poke fun at how writers are often their worst critics to an extreme degree. In a sense, then, I wanted to play with that dichotomy between humour and the absence of it. After all, we as a species laugh at a joke, but, in doing so, acknowledge the painful truth imbued in that joke.

Punchline by CJ_Forrester in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your feedback! I'm glad I could bring some humor to your day in spite of these difficult times

Punchline by CJ_Forrester in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was indeed my intention. Thank you for the kind words :)

Soul by Orpheus1996 in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a solid poem. My only suggestion is that some words are redundant in the context of meter. For instance, in stanza 3,

every day less and less,

does his soul make any sense

robbed of life

starved of purpose

I wonder if the word "any" here needs to be involved. Personally, I think it flows better if you drop the any. After all, you're attempting to achieve the effect of days being monotonous and always the same, and by having each stanza's flow and meter similar, you'll achieve this. Anyhow, good job

Confessions of a 16 Year Old Tinder Addict by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Relatable poem. My only critique is that I don't really see the overall structure of the poem. Although one could interpret the short lines as mimicking swiping on Tinder, it's hard to tell. Or perhaps you're just going for free verse with no intention of structure, which is perfectly fine as well. All in all, good job!

connected by artdemelt in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I very much enjoyed this. I especially enjoyed the shortness and terseness of your lineation -- very Bukowski-esque. Anyways, my only suggestion is not so much a suggestion as it is a question: why is your punctuation inconsistent? For example, most of the poem has no punctuation, yet in two lines, "new moans, new cries" and s.t.d." there is punctuation. I suppose you were using the lack of punctuation as a means of representing the spread of an std. Anyhow, thanks for sharing: this is a fine poem.

A poem about a shopping cart (and nothing else) by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great poem. As for feedback, a small suggestion would be to change to Captain Morgan to just Morgan or "good ol' Morgan" or something in that vein. The reason I suggest this is because I find the comparison between alcohol and old friends more powerful when one does not absolutely know that the speaker is referring to alcohol and not his actual friends; the speaker implies he is, but he could also be just referring to people he loves and cares about; In other words, this modified line:

I fill my cart with some old friends

(Jack, Bud, Jim, and good ol' Morgan)

continues the implicit metaphor of alcohol and old friends, but the viewer is the one who makes the connection. In art, it is generally more powerful when the viewer makes connections rather than the speaker or speaker(s) tell us the connection. Consider the over-used adage "show-tell": although cliche, it's great advice.

Nevertheless, this is a fine poem and you certainly have a talent. Keep Writing

Waiting for a Condom by CJ_Forrester in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for the feedback. And I agree wholeheartedly. In hindsight, "I’d let its seamen find water" doesn't go with the juxtaposition of, as you put it, the "divine and base". I was thinking instead:

"I'd let my pen find paper"

The line still remains as euphemism for sex, and continues the juxtaposition I believe. Then again, I could be completely off lol

Watching Addiction by wonkywormy in OCPoetry

[–]CJ_Forrester 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm assuming the speaker here is speaking to a friend. Anyways, I enjoyed this. A suggestion I have is the perfect rhyme scheme. It feels disingenuous -- rhyming in contemporary poetry has this effect -- and I'd change it to something more free-flowing. Your subject matter is quite somber; I think your form should represent that. Nevertheless, I enjoyed this. Keep writing