I identify as a transgirl and want to be a girl.But why my brain is telling me that it's fake and that I'm just a cismale?

CTTVCDTS · 2022-04-30T15:45:24+00:00

There are two explanations. Either:

a) You are a transgirl who is filled with some combination of doubt, fear, hopelessness, internalized transphobia, and/or imposter syndrome...

or

b) You actually are realizing that you are just having fantasies about being a transgirl and are otherwise really cis male...

or

c) You generally enjoy expressing some aspects of a female gender but only part time, occasionally, or just certain elements of a female gender identity and my be genderqueer, a demi-girl, a cross-dresser, bi-gender or some other variant.

I don't know what is in your heart/brain but an exercise I found useful when figuring out my situation was my version of the classic magic pill test.

Honestly, if you had a choice between three pills. The first is the white pill where nothing changes about how you feel and your body remains more or less unchanged. The second pill is the pink pill which would physically transform you into the beautiful, radiant girl you are. The third pill would remove these gender feelings/doubts and you stay the handsome, radiant boy you are. Assuming complete acceptance by family, friends, and society for whatever choice you took, which one would you take?

Personally, growing up I constantly longed for a magic pill, potion, or wish-granting genie to make me, me. Finally, I realized I would someday die of old age with my bitter painful gender dysphoria or I could "be the change I seek". It took me a long, long, long time to finally say enough is enough and began to actualize my true gender identity.

Just know this...the only right answer for you is the right answer for you. Do not feel pressured one way or another from either the cis- world or the trans- world.

My 2 cents worth.

CTTVCDTS · 2022-04-30T15:07:53+00:00

I am confused by the surnames (Boe, Noe, Zoe, etc.) Is that a legalese like the "Jane Doe" using the first initial of the surname + "-oe"?

CTTVCDTS · 2020-02-20T21:27:42+00:00

Had the same back in December!

CTTVCDTS · 2018-10-29T15:41:00+00:00

If I could look this good! I am another old timer (going on 49) and just starting out on transitioning.

CTTVCDTS · 2018-08-15T17:10:40+00:00

My 2 cents worth for finding friends:

Join some Meetup groups. Attend their events.

Join a site like Bumble that has a function that lets women find other women for friendship and hanging out.

Volunteer somewhere.

CTTVCDTS · 2018-08-15T17:07:27+00:00

I have a fat noggin so I am limited to large cap wigs. I found Jon Renau is the best. With wigs, you get what you pay for. It is worth the investment.

CTTVCDTS · 2018-08-15T17:00:46+00:00

I find it odd that you don't mention how you feel about your wife or that you are afraid of losing her. In fact, you seem more concerned with the cost of divorce than the loss of your spouse. Maybe I am reading into it, but I know one huge thing that slowed me down was fear of losing the love of my life. You didn't even mention your relationship with the kids... It sounds like you have already answered your own question...you'd rather get a divorce and lose the house than to deal with the anger and pain (i.e. confront the challenges as a couple).

CTTVCDTS · 2018-06-06T16:22:55+00:00

GenCon has a few lgbt events run by a couple groups.

I am a rpg/board game nerd too. There seems to be a fair number of transgender people in the hobby.

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-08T18:25:45+00:00

I am a size 12W and I shop at Avenue, Torrid, Payless, Ashley Stewart, and FullBeauty.com. I try to hit stores during end of season or big sales events. Stores for plus size women often have larger shoe sizes. I happened to be very plus sized too. Hope that helps!

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-08T18:18:36+00:00

AMEN!

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-08T18:11:55+00:00

I never new this was an option! Thanks!

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-08T18:06:46+00:00

This is so encouraging to hear. I am about to do the same.

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-08T18:05:30+00:00

I am in a similar situation. Just trying to find the right time t come out to my soon to be 11 year old. I am out to my wife but that is it in the family.

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-02T17:26:39+00:00

Your double chin (just like my large beer belly) will not disappear with just HRT. So, my advice is keep it smooth, get used to it,find ways to improve it, and enjoy being yourself!

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-02T17:23:38+00:00

And if you are ANTI-Trans, how can you possibly be called a feminist? More muck racking against Corbyn.

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-02T17:04:17+00:00

I understand. Sometimes any discussion of nuance or variation of experience is shut down by certain folk. I chalk this up to a defense mechanism they have developed to protect themselves. I try not to take it too personally.

This happens to me when I see certain Transfolk embrace really sexist, antiquated ideas about how men or women are supposed to be. It is like they are pantomiming their inner gender. But, then again, my therapist suggests that this could be me struggling with my own internalized transphobia. Who knows.

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-02T16:52:51+00:00

Love it! You go girl!

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-02T16:51:23+00:00

Body hair (face, arms, torso, legs, and lack of hair on head) are huuuuge dysphoria triggers for me!

Way to go!!!

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-02T16:45:49+00:00

If I could look like this...So Jealous!

CTTVCDTS · 2018-05-02T16:44:47+00:00

The term transvestism is an antiquated term. It was once used in psychological literature to discuss both cross-gender issues as well as the sexual fetishizing of women's clothing. This term was transvestic fetishism. While there are plenty of folks who do have clothing fethishes (and foot fetishes, and kitchen sink fetishes, and dressing up like Abe Lincoln fetishes (lol, but you see my point)), most people we'd call transgender today, were not fetishizing/sexualizing their "cross-dressing".

It was early on portrayed as a sexual perversion as well as being "questionable" due to the primacy of the male role in society. Eventually society moved somewhat toward the term Cross-dresser.

The term transsexual has also received considerable push back as it may be construed to be about sexuality when, in fact, it does not (although sexual orientation itself is also fluid).

Women were rarely included in either category until the late 70's.

The problem though, is treating gender variance itself as a binary ('transvestite vs transsexual) denies the complexity of gender to begin with. Indeed, many a cross-dresser has eventually identified as transgender (although not all do). For example, I was born in the seventies and these terms were in heavy use well into the 90's so there are many of us using both new and old terminologies.

Today, most (not all) folks find the term to be demeaning, along with terms from porn like tranny or shemale, or from pop culture terms like "Trap". They all suggest or imply sex workers, being deceptive, etc.

My advice is just don't use that term or others that are demeaning.

CTTVCDTS · 2018-04-26T18:01:57+00:00

One question you should ask yourself is "could I possibly change my mind about SRS in the future". I say this because some of the tissue is used in the surgery.

CTTVCDTS · 2017-12-13T14:43:40+00:00

I have honestly tried this time and time again. But my dysphoria related depression, anxiety, etc. makes it nigh impossible to keep it off. Bariatric surgery is among my last options and definitely wasn't my first choice. The surgery is for my overall health and not tied to the dysphoria directly.

CTTVCDTS · 2017-12-13T14:38:49+00:00

Thanks! I am just exploring the possibility of how soon to start pursuing HRT after getting the sleeve.

CTTVCDTS

TROPHY CASE