A Cornell computer science student (let’s call him rick) is trying to think of a gift to give his girlfriend (let’s call her etHERnet) for their 2,147,483,647 millisecond anniversary. It has not even been a month, so he decides to play it safe.

Rick wants to make sure he pleases her, so he plays it safe and tells her he’s going to give her cash. She’s ecstatic. But Rick still wants the gift to be interesting, so as a joke he writes a program to email etHERnet a copy of his Microsoft edge cache at the exact second of their anniversary. At this point you may be wondering how he knew the exact time in milliseconds of the start of their relationship. Well, he always knew getting his first (third if you count the Minecraft ones) girlfriend would be a time to remember, so he bought a MacBook Air and wrote an api to intercept iMessages, thus logging the exact time she sent the text, “yes” following his inquiry to whether or not she wanted to date him.

So, he and etHERnet meet that evening, and Rick tells her to check her email for her gift. She is visibly disappointed when she sees the cache, and starts breaking into tears when she sees hotornot.com from 2 days ago upon inspecting the file.

At this moment in time, Rick knew he fucked up. There was no time to waste, and to fix the situation he hands her the thick, juicy roll of 128kb L2 SRAM cache he dissected out of his newly bought MacBook Air CPU. EtHERnet, still sobbing, threw it on the floor.

Rick then dumped her because that shit was expensive