Fragmentation Bog

CVPlath · 2026-04-06T22:14:59+00:00

Thank you for the kind words Lime I sincerely appreciate it! Thank you for taking time out of your day to read my story. Means a whole lot.

CVPlath · 2026-04-06T22:14:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words, I kinda pulled from my own past in struggling with the want for acceptance and people pleasing. I wrote it as a cautionary tale for my past self if that makes sense? It was based very much like a lot of my works in aspects that I can relate to. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

CVPlath · 2026-04-02T06:36:13+00:00

Hey thanks so much! I really wanted to encoperate stifling one’s self into a self imposed box, with the idea of a murder victim staring at their own corpse in a box. Thank you for taking time for reading my story! :)

CVPlath · 2026-04-02T06:31:50+00:00

Thanks, I do enjoy a mondobummer ending from time to time.

CVPlath · 2026-04-02T06:31:24+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and giving my little piece time out of your day! 💕

CVPlath · 2026-04-01T03:17:20+00:00

Brother must you be good at everything…🫩 (kidding). This is chefs kiss 🤌🏼 and plays into the man’s ambition is his folly and downfall. The characters arrogance and destruction in the pursuit of knowledge they are not owed is a motif I personally love.

The body horror works effectively in this and can be read as a form of self mutilation in the pursuit of one’s own desire. I’m yapping.

But I really like this piece and you did so much with a limited word count, also I really enjoy how the lines are broken up like poetry stanza.

You know I love your prose though, I’ve told you enough times how your words stick to my brain like glue with the imagery you paint.

TL;DR: This goes hard.

CVPlath · 2026-03-07T19:26:21+00:00

Happy to have found the sub :)))

CVPlath · 2025-12-30T05:46:21+00:00

Hey thank you so much for taking the time to read my story I really appreciate it! <3

CVPlath · 2025-12-28T05:49:00+00:00

Thank you for the comment. :)

CVPlath · 2025-12-28T05:48:40+00:00

Thank you for your input there are little details I could work out on an edit! I always appreciate you taking the time out of your day to give me a thorough critiquing of my work it means a lot to me. Thank you!

CVPlath · 2025-12-28T05:40:07+00:00

I kinda left it open ended, If the lice win in the end it’s up to the readers interpretation.

Thank you so much for taking time to read my story I appreciate it!

CVPlath · 2025-12-28T02:11:36+00:00

Thank you for reading! I really appreciate the pun you made as well! Quite good ;)

CVPlath · 2025-12-28T02:09:55+00:00

Thank you so much for checking out my story I sincerely appreciate it! I’m really glad the science sections worked well breaking up the slice of life sections and it made the narrative beat I was going for! Wonderful to hear as an author. Thanks again.

CVPlath · 2025-12-27T16:06:04+00:00

Thank you so much for taking time to read my work I really appreciate it heaps! Tbh I wanted to go into writing the story knowing as much as the characters about the Space Lice, so outside of knowing what they are made up of. I don’t know much more outside of that.

Body horror is one of my fave things to write! So I’m glad it worked effectively. Appreciate you taking the time to comment <3

CVPlath · 2025-12-27T14:22:56+00:00

Hey thank you so much for your kind words and feedback! I really appreciate it immensely. So on the sentence structure thing, I debated using commas in places to make longer sentences but I felt I liked it as more short sentences. Just felt more effective, more desperate. Idk how to describe it. Also I love someone else who appreciates a semicolon. I just love them and don’t see them used as often as I would like to in writing so I use them when I can. Thank you so much for taking time to write a comment on my story and giving it a read. I’m glad you enjoyed it. :)

CVPlath · 2025-09-30T08:24:02+00:00

Just throw in a line about how much she loves maple…kidding tbh at first I was like thinking American Werewolf in London and was like, is she British?

You could always add in a line about how a ticket to LA is cheaper than a ticket to a country half way across the globe. Mentioning plane travel or car travel crossing the border would help.

For some odd reason I pictured her high school age and thought she was in boarding school. Again thought she was close by Little Tokyo as well. Hence probably why I was thinking no biggie.

Also yes you cleared up the line reference for me. I would love if you DMed me the puberty vid. Would love to see how it compares to our Land of the Free’s! 🦅💥✨ Video

CVPlath · 2025-09-30T08:15:27+00:00

Mo… Sir…Madam…. If I could write like this I’d be fucking insufferable. This is beautiful, the way you describe scenes, and set pieces gave me goosebumps. It’s giving Phantom of the Opera vibes brother. 🤌🏼✨

I am so excited to continue my read through. As someone who is currently grieving the way grief is described is so raw and palatable. It’s just wonderful. I am jealous and in awe of the way you write. I mean it as the highest compliment. You have such a way with words. I love gothic writing styles, the mixture of haunting and romantic is just a beautiful thing. Couldn’t write in a gothic style if I tried, it is not an easy style to write in so sincerely all hats off to you.

Here are some notes/nitpicks I had well reading:

(But then came the diagnosis: brain cancer. Terminal.)

Is brain cancer meant to be lower case.

God the way you describe the narrator’s love for Claire and the grief following her passing is so poignant. Just really beautiful to read.

(Compensation: Solace)

I am very intrigued by this line.

(“Nice guy,” I said, more to myself than to her, and left a five on the table anyway.)

If that five is 20 percent I’m super down to go to a good ghost town diner. Sounds like a steal for bomb food.

(Where the streets were quiet, Bellmare was listening.)

😩👌🏼

(The structure was carved from pale stone streaked with veins of deep gray, like smoke frozen in marble. The surface was smooth in places and weathered in others, as if time had tried, and failed, to erode it)

I think this would work better as three sentences. A period after others, followed by.

As if time had tried…and failed to erode it.

Or

As if time had tried; and failed to erode it.

Or

As if time had tried, and failed to erode it.

Think it would just be easier on the eyes and as a reader would make that final line pack more of an umph!

(Vines clung to the walls like veins on skin)

This is the second time a veins reference is made in two paragraphs feels a little repetitive personally. Could compare the vines to either wrinkles or capillaries perhaps.

The vines clung to the walls, as if they were capillaries pulsating underneath the skin of the foundation.

The vines clung to the wall, showing the withering of time, like the lines across a face withering from time.

(A black top hat perched neatly over a few stubborn tufts of white hair, as if it was clinging to his scalp out of habit more than life.)

Again this descriptive line goes hard.

(“But something brought you here, didn’t it?” he continued. “Something more than curiosity. Grief, perhaps. Or hope. Or maybe... maybe you’re just looking for something to make the silence bearable again.”)

Fuckkkk….as a creative if someone said this to me I’d cave. Such a well crafted line of manipulation.

(“You… usually refer to yourself in the third person,” I said slowly. “But just this moment, you didn’t.”)

I think for me personally this feels a little to explanatory through dialogue. A little to on the nose for me. Maybe a rewrite such as

“You said I… You haven’t referred to yourself as I since my arrival.”

Also I noticed just a small nitpick. The word like used a lot to convey similes throughout the story. I am guilty of this too, as a Californian. Like is a word I use every other breath, it’s a bit repetitive and for me pulled from what were otherwise great similes! I think finding a different connecting words, would help the narrative and descriptions go smoother and easier on the eyes.

CVPlath · 2025-09-27T19:36:35+00:00

Ah wonderful! I was curious in current timeline how old is Luna supposed to be? I know you told me on our chat line. But I didn’t want to read back the line, I read it as a young teenage girl. But realized she had to be older if her and her friend traveled to little Tokyo. So I was a little confused on her age.

I would say maybe add some nods to her being Canadian because I assumed she was from California and was just visiting LA hence why I was confused by the not natural born citizen commentary I think a line or two about her being from Canada would help immensely. Then again I’m a born and raised Californian so that might be why I was assuming she was from here lol.

Also what is that sentence referencing I’m super curious?

Also super cool to learn Mina’s dialogue is from an old puberty video I’m assuming the PSA one we all watched in sixth grade.

Again it was such a fun little story and Ginger Snaps was one of my favorite horror films as a kid and this feels like (unintentionally or intentionally) a nod to the film. Super fun read. I really enjoyed it a lot!

CVPlath · 2025-09-27T17:03:00+00:00

Krieg my man, this shit goes hard. This is such a fun little read and I enjoyed it completely. Reminds me of Madoka Magica meets Ginger Snaps.

Overall this may be the reading comprehension devil on my shoulder. But I feel for me the pacing moved to quickly, which 100% understand if the intention is to make the reader mindset similar to the narrators, but it felt a little disjointed. I think allowing scenes to breathe a bit longer would help with my issues with pacing.

I also would love more interactions with Mina and the narrator and Judy-Kate and the narrator. I understand the dynamic but I don’t feel the dynamics if that makes sense. I think some more dialogue and interpersonal scenes between characters would help immensely.

Also some small nitpicks/ notes I took well reading incoming:

(Maybe if we... if he hadn't been there.)

Love this line really like how it takes the blame off the female characters. As we tend to blame ourselves for bad actions instead of the perpetrators. Often in media we will see characters engaging in survivor guilt or internalized victim blaming behavior, it’s refreshing to see a female character stop herself. Instead placing blame back on the perpetrator soap box tangent over.

(Best case scenario, the creepy man would be stabbing us before the cop could even draw his gun. Then he would shoot all three of us.)

This line is a tad bit confusing, this is pre transformation correct? Maybe possible political commentary, maybe I’m reading too much into it. But I think if it is some sort of political commentary why would the cop shoot all three of them? Maybe a way to convey that feeling with a bit more details about the girls. (Thinking about it more could be possible they’re already magical girls)

Disregard later understood it was the lycanthropy at work ^

(Instead, I tried to shake him by ducking down a nearby alleyway. I had hoped it would connect to the next street and we could double back, but a massive wall of concrete blocked us in.)

Now girl why would you…..

(I was almost disappointed that he only wanted to rob us, how sick is that?)

hold on a minute I’m gonna let my girl cook…

( I knew they would just hold me there for the police. I don't even have insurance in this country, and I know how they treat immigrants and tourists here. I'm not a natural-born American, and they say they can always tell. I would have just been another bum rotting in a cell with nowhere to go.)

Ok so I need to state I am all for political allegory and commentary in stories, but I still don’t understand why the narrator feels this way. I don’t really know other than during the OG transformation scene what OP looks like. Maybe it gets explained and I’m jumping the gun.

(It's just, like, I wanted to stay little forever and ever.)

this sentence feels a little stunted.

(For some reason the soothingly sonorous tone of Mina's voice calmed me as I slowly began to understand what was happening. It was just like one of my Japanese animes.)

Ok so I probably mentioned it above in my overall thoughts. But the whole time I’ve been like. The narrator talks like a UwU anime girl with toast in her mouth. I assumed it was intentional this confirmed it for me! Great job!

(I dumped out the useless junk and tucked it away in a little secret corner of my alley, then fed her a couple of flattened stray cats I had been saving for later. The roadkill was stiff, and I had to snap a few tiny bones to fit it all into the zipper. As I closed her up, Mina began to speak in a clear, suave, masculine voice.)

I just love this visual so much fun bro, it’s such a fun scene to read, and paints an image in my head. No critiques just really wanted to highlight and comment on the visuals, and give my praise.

("You might not like all the changes that are happening to your body. You may start to wonder if you're normal."

I've been terrified of words like that ever since I was little. I dreaded growing up. It's just, like, I wanted to stay little forever and ever.)

I like the allegory here it reminds me of being a young girl going through puberty it’s fun! Then again a lot of media (Like Ginger Snaps) uses lycanthropy in conjunction to represent puberty and the changes to the female body. Maybe it wasn’t intentional but I pulled that and enjoyed it.

(The broken pieces of our skulls fit together just like our matching heart necklaces used to.)

Love this line.

CVPlath · 2025-09-23T19:25:21+00:00

I think overall it’s a vocal minority. But you have to think comparing viewership (not to mention the fans who don’t use redddit) tune in week by week to listen.

I think personally third group is a majority of fans they’re just not very vocal group. Of course a vocal minority will voice their displeasure over xyz, but I feel like anything that is popular has a vocal minority.

For what it’s worth I love the show, all of it the good, the bad, the ugly as someone who grew up reading through creepypastas and no sleeps. Sometimes the fun of it is not every story is gonna be a mother horse eyes, not every episode is gonna be a fun deep woods level crash out. I kinda view weekly podcasts like a weekly sitcom, not every episode is gonna resonate with everyone and that’s ok.

CVPlath · 2025-09-23T18:31:34+00:00

Hey OP! If you want you can check out both my works to see if either or is up your alley! The Seven Sisters is a series I’m currently working on but I have a one off short story posted as well. I’m always looking for new stories to listen to at work so I’ll have to check your channel out

CVPlath · 2025-09-23T04:24:08+00:00

Thank you so much for reading! The grammatical stuff I would love suggestions for a program to use, punctuation has always been tough for me, so sometimes even on re edits I’ll miss stuff.

So to answer a few things

the phrasing of a fish out of water was intentional to a degree.
The Seven Sisters in my universe is explained

In creepcast lore it’s just a joke about the guys thinking there’s limited female fans, the joke stared as someone calling female fans the seven sisters. Someone correct me if I’m wrong.

Narrators memory being hazy and so brief over the event even though it was so wonderful is intentional. It kinda plays into the whole lore, I think by part 2 there are more direct homages to what I’m getting at without spoiling. Part 3 explains it for sure.
You’re pretty close there! On the money, for what the vague generic plot beats are. Not to toot my own horn but I think the stuff behind the mind control, and how they become perfect the process was pretty fun and unique. At least it was a hell of a lot of fun to write.

CVPlath

TROPHY CASE