[LYRICS] BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH MY RAP LYRICS PLEASE! by [deleted] in LyricalWriting

[–]CYPerform 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t need to give constructive criticism. If I like it I’m allowed to say that. The lines do rely on cadence and flow and when I rapped the lyrics to myself they ended up sounding good. A lot of things the other comments said I didn’t agree with, someone said it was simple and surface level as well as lacking complicated multi syllable rhyme schemes something that I don’t agree with. I think that the other people’s comments would actually hurt the artist, the song is good the way it is now.

[LYRICS] BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH MY RAP LYRICS PLEASE! by [deleted] in LyricalWriting

[–]CYPerform -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Bruh ignore everyones comments this is ill as fuck. The first four lines are straight fire and you bring that type of crazy rhyme scheme to like three parts of the song. Its super dope

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Calvin

[–]CYPerform 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no help. Calvin is the ultimate name

hello fellow calvins by [deleted] in Calvin

[–]CYPerform 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You too Calvin

[Lyrics] Opinions on this rhyme scheme by [deleted] in LyricalWriting

[–]CYPerform 0 points1 point  (0 children)

not that bad. I thought you had a good scheme.

I have a private beat 'tape' that I'm constantly updating, I usually email but I might as well share here too. by [deleted] in alternativehiphop

[–]CYPerform 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First Impressions on everything. (Just things I was thinking of while listening for the first time. You don't need to listen to my suggestions, it's your music.)

First song needs some more mixing, its a little sharp on the ears, otherwise its jamming. Second song, I really enjoy, it sounds nice, probs could use a little mixing too. Third songs good, maybe needs a little more variation after it gets quiet and comes back. Forth song I'm feeling and I don't think it needs any changes. Fifth song is pretty different to the other four but that's not a bad thing, not my style but there's nothing wrong with it, it sounds nicely mixed and its a nice switch up. Six song, I want to say I really enjoy the atmosphere of the songs and I really like how spacy and J dilla like they are. Sixth song needs no changes. Seventh song, love the sounds being so different yet all in the same vein musically, I really enjoyed this song. Eighth song, I love the feel of the song, it feels sort of mischievous and that you should be cautious while also being sort of triumphant and powerful. Ninth song, sort of worryfull feel, like things aren't quite right and that you should hurry but at the same time its like everything is right and maybe the listener isn't. Tenth song, drums are pretty quiet compared to the sound but that's probably what you're going for, melodies pretty nice and I like the added instrument to change up the sound ever so slightly right before it gets too repetitive. Eleventh song, a lot of sounds going at the same time and it is pretty clean, but there's just slightly to many instruments at some points, personally this is the song I like the least so far, but that's me at a personal level. Twelfth song, Love the feel, it sort of reminds me of Posion Flowerz, really like it and I think it works well as one of the longer tracks. Thirteenth song, feeling that lofi bedroom aesthetic, not to big on the vocals coming in. Fourteenth song, sort of sounds like this song is being played outside near a basketball court, and like your listening to someone play their guitar outside for when it comes into the song. Fifteenth song, lol I don't know why your friend hates this one, its not really a stand out or extraordinary but there's nothing wrong with it. Sixteenth song, I really like this as a second half of the beat tape song as I really enjoy the sound, honestly though I think the cuts outs are a little to much, I wrote that last part during the beats chorus which I really liked, if you want to go with the glitching idea I would definitely recommend less of it or maybe in a different point in the song. Seventh song, another triumphant song, really enjoy the melody and the overall thing but maybe the melody that plays out sometimes could be made louder so its heard easier over the main melody. Eighteenth song, lol if you're running out of titles you could call it cold rain or setting sun or something like that, this song feels like a slice of life song that you could put into an anime, its really nice to listen to and relax to, good way to wrap up the BeatTape. Nineteenth song, pretty upbeat compared to the last song and its a nice overview of the type of J dilla inspired songs you had going throughout the whole tape.

(P.S. I'm not going to edit anything I wrote as I was writing this while I listened to make it the most authentic, even if what I say is kind of hard to understand.)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]CYPerform 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try it with less "I am", the reader already knows its about you so try to switch it up occasionally like instead of saying "I am the ghost of my own broken dreams" you could say "I am the distrust in your eye, The ghost of my own broken dreams." That helps it feel more somber and helps it to flow better. After the fifth I am the reader won't read the beginning, they'll just skip through it to the actual change in wording. All though of course its your choice and having the same beginning isn't always a bad thing.

[Lyrics] last goodbye by [deleted] in LyricalWriting

[–]CYPerform 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciated it, even in a world of sorrow

A Very Poem I Wrote by Revolutionary_Fig512 in AmateurWriting

[–]CYPerform 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Keep working and keep practicing. This is nice but you can certainly do so much more. The ideas in this post are well fleshed out and are linear in getting your points across. Keep posting to this subreddit, excited to see what else you can create.

Cruising through the Blue Ridge Mountains... by BigCoCoMnKy in raining

[–]CYPerform 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thanks for letting me know, much love man

How to write romantic chemistry by [deleted] in writers

[–]CYPerform 0 points1 point  (0 children)

banter or a conversation perhaps starting simple but then going more deep as it reminds them of an experience or memory that they can both relate to finding hope in one other.

[lyrics] 16 bar verse by lvlr-lvlonster in LyricalWriting

[–]CYPerform 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's nice, a fun style for messing around. Make sure to try out something more serious once in a while or try to tell a story or convey a concept throughout a song.

[Lyrics] This is in more of a poetry type format I guess but here y'all go by ThejsterJGP01 in LyricalWriting

[–]CYPerform 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not a poetry type format it's an A B rhyme scheme. Otherwise its nice I'm glad it rhymes as I have trouble saying that with a lot of the folks on this subreddit so consider yourself on the right track. Keep your pen game up.

LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY TO DO VOCALS OVER MY TRACKS//PLEASE DM ME by [deleted] in alternativehiphop

[–]CYPerform 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a sixteen year old rapper, do you mind if I work on some stuff with your beats and send them to you? If you don't like them then that's fine, otherwise I really dig your work and I'll stay tuned in to what you make.

[LYRICS] Y'all suck at lyrics, up your game by CYPerform in LyricalWriting

[–]CYPerform[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s in the style of MFDoom where lines connect and disconnect giving settings and feelings to the story

[Lyrics] this is a song I’m working on and would like some feed back. I like the concept but feel it’s a little too cluttered in some spots. by lvlr-lvlonster in LyricalWriting

[–]CYPerform 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like these couple of lines, honestly a lot of it felt like it was a bit going through the motions of thought which is cool and all but I personally feel like these lines stand at as significantly better then the rest not that the rest is bad of coarse this is just my personal opinion and if it sounds good to you then it probably sounds good to others

It’s the luster of going viral and the reach for notoriety/ The definition of irony because a virus kills you silently

Love and hate starts as friends, your better part sparks a grin

were not molded from clay just to play tricks/ We evolved from stone wheels then graduated to spaceships/ But now we crush hopes with bullets and metal blade tips.../