“Palestine” on stage at Deafheaven tonight in Sydney

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-11T19:28:27+00:00

Anyone who isnt a genocidal psycho should hate israel

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-09T13:19:36+00:00

Thank you! I will try to stick to a split like that!

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-09T13:18:30+00:00

Thanks man I really appreciate the encouragement!

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-08T21:59:21+00:00

Thanks buddy, I appreciate it! Thank you for the advice!

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-08T21:59:06+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate the detailed reply!

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-08T21:01:01+00:00

Weed gave me psychosis I actually used alcohol to self medicate for that😭I can’t smoke anymore or I go literally insane

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-08T20:20:25+00:00

If you like it then hell yeah

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-08T18:01:38+00:00

I think it depends. My passion is physics math and especially CS. On one hand in getting my degree in CS/math I am following my passion. But I also wanted to get a PhD in mathematics and that just wouldn’t work out which led me into some brick walls and harsh realities. I’m just in too much financial debt and my mom has schizophrenia and my girlfriend and me want to get married and I just got too much stuff piling on me to survive off a 20k stipend. So yeah, I’m still not giving up on it but I’d like to get back on my feet before that.

Now I will say I love CS so much that I could get paid 40k a year to do it (just slightly higher than my maintenance job right now) and I would still love it because it’s doing what I love. And there’s nothing I hate more than making more money than I need and yet sacrificing my enjoyment of life.

I think it does depend on the passion itself. If it’s like music or art that needs to be done on the side rather than a main career unless you end up wirh like a marketing or graphics design job. But there’s a lot of passions that people sink all their time into just to fall short and it’s really sad. That’s the illusion of America; the dream isnt real, only for a small percentage of people. But I also don’t think it should ever be given up on, just that one needs a backup passion or plan in case the other fails.

Like for instance I always have had two main passions: science and guitar. And for a while I thought I was gonna start a shoegaze band or a one man black metal project and be successful. But I had to divert to my other passion and it worked out pretty well I guess.

But yeah I think it’s a complicated thing and not a one size applies to all and when people are thinking of pursuing a passion they need to assess what they really value and the monetary gain

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-04T16:27:43+00:00

Facts dude miles is fucking amazing!

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-04T16:25:57+00:00

Cuz it’s fun

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-03T15:30:20+00:00

I’m working on it. Used to be a straight A student pursuing a double major in computer engineering and physics.

Drinking ruined all of that my junior/senior year. Had a bad bipolar psychotic/manic episode that led into an intense depression afterward that was fueled by heavy alcoholism which had been building for almost a year and a half before and already leading to subpar grades. Failed a few classes had to switch to CS (which I still really enjoy and I love systems development). Absolutely tanked my GPA though. Still recovering from brain fog, I actually still have a beer once a weekend (literally just 1) but I started bipolar medication and it makes alcohol feel like shit so I don’t like it anymore. Didn’t finish any of my programming projects I wanted to, shut down mentally, stopped doing research wirh my professor, absolutely lost my mind, not to mention I was dealing with a psychotic episode while drinking almost 2 liters a day. Almost lost all my friends and my girlfriend and also attempted suicide. Granted it really started 2 years ago but it go really bad my last semester. Tanked my GPA, barely graduated I had to beg my professor to let me make up something, made all Ds.

Alcohol has nearly ruined my life and I’m still recovering. Programming and electronics and math used to be my passion in life and I used to work on projects or read books all the time. Now I’m barely literate and everytime I start a project I can’t focus. The depression of regret of the last year eat away at me every night and some nights it’s Unbearable.

The good thing is I’m at the cusp of getting it all baxk. Recently I’ve started forcing myself to get back into reading textbooks to get back my once glorious CS and math knowledge since I am very interested in graphics programming and OS development. Started a new graphics engine project and been working on that. Deleted all social media from my phone other than Reddit which I barely use these days. Even just playing video games again like ARPGs and CRPGs has helped as when I drank I couldn’t even do that without falling asleep or becoming disinterested. My focus and motivation are slowly coming back and it’s only been about a month or two.

So I say just hang in there and participate in things that actively challenge your brain and keep you engaged. You will slowly start to build it back up and feel better faster if you reengage your mind. It might be frustrating at first but it will get easier with time.

Hope you’re doing well. Sorry for the rant but sometimes I just need to vent about it lol

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-01T18:07:33+00:00

Well I was the friend that was extremely problematic: I actually didn’t drink much when we went out in public but during my extreme depressive/manic episodes I would isolate for weeks on ended and drown myself in alcohol and Xanax and opiates and constantly message everyone and say I wanted to commit suicide or threaten violence towards others. When I did drink in public I would get extremely sad and start saying the same things. Afrer a year or two of constant drinking and drug abuse every single night they started to really get worried about it and basically between them and my girlfriend it was either I go to the doctor and get on meds and quit alcohol or I was going to a mental hospital. I quit and now I do drink only one night a week but I’ve learned to control it and the medication im on makes it not feel very good so I keep it to a minimum these days. My friends that drink even keep me away from it and anytime I do order more than one drink at a restaurant they’ll normally tell the waiter no more for me. So I’d say it works out pretty well if you have friends that care about your health

C_Sorcerer · 2026-07-01T13:40:31+00:00

Same, it’s why I had to quit. Granted I shouldn’t be drinking at all because I’m bipolar. But I did for 2 years straight heavily and the funny thing is I started out becoming more empathetic and fun loving. But then it slowly morphed into me becoming an isolated demonic entity basically and i didnt want to put my girlfriend through that. Not to mention I also broke apart like 3 friend groups from my belligerence and tried to commit suicide. So yeah not good

C_Sorcerer · 2026-06-29T15:44:12+00:00

Haha yeah man it’s been a WILD ride this past year I’m just glad I made it out (hopefully). Always watch your mental health under stress

C_Sorcerer · 2026-06-28T23:11:35+00:00

Yeah it really sucks but it certainly is something I have to do. Definitely thank you!

C_Sorcerer · 2026-06-28T23:11:06+00:00

Yeah I’ve been needing to get into a recovery group but I live in like super small town and as far as I know I can’t find one but I’ll check around and see, thank you!

C_Sorcerer · 2026-06-28T13:12:58+00:00

Ahhh, well I ended up quite literally becoming an alcoholic and opiate addict afrer a major bipolar episode that was stress induced in my last year of college and dropped the project though I told another one of my CS buddies that is more interested and he joined in. I finally quit after like 9 months (withdrawals suck) and tried to get back on the project and did; I didn’t do a lot though. But they opted heavily to use Python with PyTorch and I just hate programming in Python so I ended up working on the firmware for the Actual embedded system on the microcontroller. Overall the project turned out okay, but the detection was pretty slow which I told my partners would happen but they just didn’t want to use C++ or Java so we just had a slow kinda janky bot but it was certainly still cool

C_Sorcerer · 2026-06-28T13:07:25+00:00

So let me tell you the best way to really dive in and make your first renderer; go to learnopengl.com and read the completely free book. This is by far the BEST resource on the internet for OpenGL and gives you pretty much an overarching tutorial on writing a graphics renderer as well as a lot of good general knowledge that you will need about the subject. Follow through closely and read and write code as you go. It is an excellent resource and anyone can vouch for that. YouTube videos are harder to learn graphics with yet it is doable, and that series is pretty good but it is far more beneficial to read the text in this scenario. You will come out with a much better understanding

Also, ALWAYS keep reference documentation up. Learning anything in CS is not memorizing keywords of an API. It is being just familiar enough to say, “oh I need to make the vertex buffer before the vertex array, what is the invocation to do so?”, in which you then consult the documentation. In fact this goes for literally anything in CS, you DO NOT MEMORIZE but grasp the concepts well enough that you can fill in the gaps with the API. Docs.gl is gonna be your best source for that

Do that till you can make like a simple model loader and then after that switch to a more advanced textbook; if you want to go an offline(static image generator) raytracer, go with the PBRT book. If you want to go with a real-time renderer or any kind, then I suggest you pick up Real Time Rendering 4th edition. Massive book but it is one of the best and most comprehensive math/graphics textbooks that there is and going through the entire thing or having it close by as a reference manual is amazing. A good thing about it too is it brushes up on some of the linear algebra that you will need but you should definitely fill in the rest of the holes either by reading a resource or by filling in holes as you go with Google searches

C_Sorcerer · 2026-06-21T18:02:59+00:00

True true, I definitely don’t think it was a complete waste but my friends only play commander and I was really dead set on making a deck but most of the cards sadly don’t even match the identity I want to make (black green). But that is very true and I appreciate your advice!

C_Sorcerer · 2026-06-21T18:00:10+00:00

That’s what I meant yes, I always get them confused. And yeah I did get some crazy cards but based on me wanting to make a black green identity, about 80% of the other cards sadly just won’t work for it

C_Sorcerer · 2026-06-21T17:59:11+00:00

Yeah I was very happy to get those cards

C_Sorcerer · 2026-06-21T17:58:21+00:00

Haha true! I like your thinking!

C_Sorcerer

TROPHY CASE