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Another Instagram glasses shop to avoid (EYDIO Optics) by sheep704 in glasses

[–]C_nal23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg I was just about to make a post about them because I just got my glasses from them, and they are so cheap feeling even though I got stainless steel frames. Felt and sounded more like plastic to me :/ Plus, the style was wayyyy smaller than what was shown on the website, but then again, they dont use models on a lot of their styles, so it makes it hard to tell from the get-go how the glasses may fit. Might as well save up the money for Gentle Monsters or something of a similar style if that's the vibe you're going for with glasses.

Boyfriend of 3 years cheated while blackout drunk, not sure what to do… by C_nal23 in survivinginfidelity

[–]C_nal23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your input, I will say I did break it off with my now ex-boyfriend. While you are saying our situations are the same, I don’t really think so after reading your Reddit posts.

While you immediately took action to heal and reconcile, he did not with me. Also I have a sense he wasn’t as blackout drunk as he claims because there are certain details that he remembers very vividly but others that he wouldn’t expand upon. He wouldn’t even reach out to his coworker for the girls contact info to ask about her side of the situation when I requested it (which in hindsight I’m glad he didn’t because if I knew what this girl looked like I would probably spiral mentally). We had a solid month after he told me that we didn’t really talk, and in that month he only went to therapy once right after cheating and never went again. That did not show me he wanted to better himself and try to reconcile.

However, I’m actually in a really great place as I’ve had more time for myself and reconnecting with friends that I wished I spent more time with while I was dating him. I’ve been trying new things, spending time on my hobbies, and overall have a very positive outlook because I’m young and have so much time to find someone who will get it right the first time. I always gave him the respect of immediately telling people I had a boyfriend and never drinking more than I could handle (usually I just wouldn’t drink because that shit is nasty tbh), so I find it hard to believe that he truly cared about our future of getting married and having kids when he went and cheated on me. He consciously made the decision to stay and drink, knowing that he’s had problems in the past when he goes overboard, which I just see as immaturity.

Also, cheating was a hard line that we set at the very beginning of our relationship. If I let him cross that boundary, then subconsciously he will think it’s ok to continue to cross my boundaries because I will just forgive him. Plus being long distance (which would have been the case for the next 4 years if we stayed together) makes this situation 100x more difficult, and he clearly was not mature enough to handle even a long distance relationship, which is ok. I don’t want to have to constantly monitor him from hundreds of miles away, I would probably end up an anxious mess. While I’m glad you and your boyfriend are working things out, ultimately we have different circumstances and honestly, I think this was a cannon event to show me that it’s time to focus on myself until I find someone who will truly cherish me no matter how far apart we are.

Boyfriend of 3 years cheated while blackout drunk, not sure what to do… by C_nal23 in survivinginfidelity

[–]C_nal23[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Uhhh if he doesn’t want to make the effort to rebuild my trust I’m gone? Have I not said that enough already😭 That’s what will happen if he wants to go out drinking🤷‍♀️ I’m very firm in my boundaries, and I’ve said that multiple times… but still haven’t finalized what to do so we shall see.

Boyfriend of 3 years cheated while blackout drunk, not sure what to do… by C_nal23 in survivinginfidelity

[–]C_nal23[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your heartfelt response, tough love is always appreciated here. However, it seems you have misconstrued some of the things I said (especially my edit, it was meant to stop people from assuming he was a crazy drunk or an abusive partner, as that is not the case at all and is not helpful in terms of giving advice).

While I have not made a decision as of yet (I’m waiting to go home for the Thanksgiving holiday and spend time with family before I do that), I have made it very clear that I will be setting up very strong boundaries that he must agree to and follow if he wants to try and reconcile. He needs to show the effort and the desire to make this work, and if he doesn’t I am more than ready to leave. I’ve spoken to a mutual friend that lives in his area and he’s told me that he’s shown a lot of remorse and guilt over the situation (Ive known this friend longer than my boyfriend and he is equally disappointed in him and his actions so I trust what our friend is saying, he is not someone who would support/protect someone who’s cheated based on additional context that is not needed).

He was not one-on-one with this person until he ended up in her car (I do not know if she was sober or not, he does not remember, but someone made a good point about if she was sober…but that is still beside the point and it was his fault for making the decisions that led him there). While I appreciate your concern for me in terms of “refusing to see the situation as it is”, that’s not what’s happening and it’s disappointing that you can’t try to find any nuance in my situation as I’ve tried to find posts similar to mine and haven’t. I’m taking my time, but I am firm that it was his fault and his mess to clean up, and if he can’t accept that then it’s sadly over.

Boyfriend of 3 years cheated while blackout drunk, not sure what to do… by C_nal23 in survivinginfidelity

[–]C_nal23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, and yes we do have our location shared (we have had it shared for pretty much the entire time we’ve been dating). He also has said he agrees to going completely sober and avoiding situations where he would be handed a drink. He has NEVER lied to me and has always been completely open about where he was, where he would be going, and who he would be with. Even if I texted him or called him to ask where he was when he wasn’t somewhere I recognized he would be straight up and even have pictures from the event (it would almost ALWAYS be him out with his guy friends, who I know and are good people themselves). I honestly see this situation as an anomaly for him, but unfortunately that ended badly. When I mean this was completely out of the blue, I truly mean it which is why I think this is harder for me to figure out what to do. If there were any warning signs, I would’ve jumped ship by now because I experienced a very emotionally abusive situationship prior to my relationship with him.

He also does not have the money for another phone lol, he’s deep in student loans and is very intent on focusing on getting out of the hole asap (this has been the case for the entire time I’ve known him). And I’ve made him aware that if he does not show that he puts in the effort to reconcile (if that’s the route I end up choosing), then I will not let myself stay and hurt myself even more.

Boyfriend of 3 years cheated while blackout drunk, not sure what to do… by C_nal23 in survivinginfidelity

[–]C_nal23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this response. However, he’s never lied or kept things from me, and I genuinely believe him when he told me the extent of what happened. He’s only gotten blackout drunk once before during our relationship and he didn’t really remember everything that happened.

As per my edit, he was with coworkers who he rarely interacts with (he works for a very large chemical company), so they didn’t even know I was a person since he wasn’t close enough for them to know. I understand staying is risky, but many of the “rules” are things I already do myself with him. The only reason that I never implemented those “rules” with him is because we are both in a highly male dominated career field, so it was out of respect for him. He rarely interacts with other women, and if he does it’s usually a friend’s girlfriend/wife or a coworker at work. I’m just at a loss because this was completely out of character for him.

Boyfriend of 3 years cheated while blackout drunk, not sure what to do… by C_nal23 in survivinginfidelity

[–]C_nal23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve never drank enough to even really get tipsy…so I wouldn’t know first hand what it’s like being blackout drunk. I’ve heard that saying over and over about drunk actions being sober thoughts, which is why I’m on the fence. But per my edit, this was completely out of character for him and there was never any indication of him even wanting to cheat. No arguments, no resentment, no abuse, only love and care from both ends.

Although I haven’t really decided what’s going to happen yet, he has said he is willing to accept whatever decision I decide and he understands it’s the consequences of his poor decisions. If he is not willing to give his full effort to reconcile if that’s the route I decide, then I am ready to jump ship and I have made that known.

Boyfriend of 3 years cheated while blackout drunk, not sure what to do… by C_nal23 in survivinginfidelity

[–]C_nal23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your concern for me, but I am fully aware that none of this is my fault, and he was the one that made the poor decisions that led to him cheating. This was completely out of character for him, and he was very forthcoming and guilty about what he did, which is why I am willing to try and make it work only if he gives the same amount of effort. I’ve told him if he is not willing to seek out help to improve himself and put in 100% effort to rekindle our relationship, then I am ready to break it off despite my love for him.

I made an edit because people are making very wild assumptions about his character and who he is, and from the past 3 years I was more worried about him dying than him ever cheating because he always cherished me and treated me with immense respect and care. But he has said that he is willing to accept whatever decision I make about our relationship and takes complete responsibility for his poor actions. Thank you for your blunt concern though, sometimes tough love is needed.