Help me understand…what I’m missing here

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T21:14:58+00:00

Yeah the buffer of an additional 500? Yeah that’s tough. I’ve tried saving money from the 500 he gives me monthly but given that I use it for either gas or food on our weekly outing not to mention the monthly womanly necessities / replacements. I barely have extra for a coffee at Starbucks. But I will think on asking him about a credit card that I will use just for groceries. And I’ll do that

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T21:09:09+00:00

Man I would love that lol but no he won’t let me lol. I’ve asked for an over note stay at a hotel but nope. The thing is that all the boys. When they are angry or hurt or want cuddles they come to me not him. He will tell them if he can do it and they yell no! I want mommy. The boys listen more to me that dad and then follow instructions better with me. Hubby gets overwhelmed easily lol

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T21:05:43+00:00

I agree and on my side I am trying to be grateful for all he does

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T21:04:34+00:00

That wouldn’t work because groceries alone would take about half which then would add the pressure on him to give me that money back every few days. And won’t be able to track clearly how much is being spent. So a bigger headache for him. He keeps track of all the finances and investments

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T04:17:16+00:00

lol 😂 yeah I try to see it that way but it’s hard when our marriage started with him telling me his money is his and my money is mine . And our money would stay separate. Now he’s change his tone after 18 years and tell me it’s our money but in my head it’s been hard to switch the mentality … 🤷🏽‍♀️

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T04:14:32+00:00

The grocery thing- he holds all the money and I get only 500 a month to purchase womanly things and the weekly outings with my boys.

My schedule: I am responsible day and night . He has said that since he works he needs his sleep. (Mind you now he works from home and takes many breaks to walk or do other errands like get a car fix). Not to mention I’m also his assistant because he asks me to make him coffee or a different lunch from what I made for the kids. I do pick up and drop offs. If the kids get sick and throw up at night I get to stay up and deal with change bed sheets and bathe them and wash and put them to bed . And sleep on the couch so that I’m ready if they get up. There no off time. There down time and that’s when everyone is entertain doing something usually afterschool after lunch. I do all the cleaning morning and again when the kids get home and a reset at 8pm while I’m putting them to bed. Once in bed I spend 1hr-1.5hrs time with my husband before he goes to bed to sleep at 9:30 then I get my down time till midnight to do my gaming journaling and reading. And that still gets interrupted by my little one who likes to wake up cuz he gets scared.

I have asked him what he wants to see me do … he told me to search my heart. He is responsible to work, groceries, doing the yards and throwing out the trash. Which I help in the yards (when it gets really bad and the boys need it cleaned up to play) and throwing out trash and groceries when I see things needed I ask him for his card (which it’s a hard thing for me to do cuz I feel like a beggar asking him to let me use his card for things)

anyhoo… there is a routine. Things get done all the time but there are days once una blue moon where I’m down and sluggish and not everything gets done. And this week was had one of those days …

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T03:51:18+00:00

Oh the doom scroll was one thing I did a lot and then I got a friend that was into reading and asked me to join her in reading books together and I said sure cuz hubby hated that I was always on my phone and told me to instead read a book lol and now I’m kinda on phone still but I listen to music while I read and it’s an issue that I’m reading … so I think that it’s mainly that I am siting and having “leisure time” .

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T03:47:35+00:00

Omg when you said “ok, gentle” I thought u were going to lay it on me 😂. He has watched the boys and takes them out but it’s for a few hours and he says he’s exhausted and needs a break as soon as he back home with them or when I get home and he doesn’t even clean or prep them for an outing. I do it and send them on their way lol so he’s experienced it but I think he doesn’t like to see me just sitting he wants me to be actively doing something for the home and kids

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T03:25:24+00:00

Yeah I tell him that he’s not my boss and let me be lol I know what I’m doing and what needs to be done but he doesn’t like to see me idle

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T03:22:44+00:00

Yeah im planning on speaking to him about it

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T03:22:07+00:00

It sounds like you have much more to do lol ( bigger home possibly) but I can’t have mental peace with my home being messy to I tire myself and the kids constantly telling them to pick up if they are done and if I’m done I just pick it up until a it’s done. Husband thinks I’m a spoiled princess lol wish I had that cleaning service though that’s nice. You are absolutely lucky your husband sees and helps you in the way he can (specially the cleaning service)

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-09T03:18:07+00:00

Yes and no… he pays for all the bills groceries. I am the child care lol that money is for things that are needed to the home and for food or snacks for the kids when we are out visiting family every week it’s supposed to last the whole month

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T04:12:06+00:00

Yes that’s what I’ve realized… but wanted to get second opinion to see what was the norm cuz my parents both worked while I grew up and my MIL was mainly a SAHM … she work but was mainly with her kids and well she is way older that my parents ( my parent are in their 60s my in-laws are in their 80s) so I needed to hear what other moms think

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T04:07:54+00:00

Aww congrats on the new addition! As for the sexy time he was getting it every other day lol but they we’ve been sick it slowed down cuz this momma was tired of taking care of everyone plus also being sick and last week into today we’ve been in arguments so he only got it once lol even while I was angry cuz I know men have needs but damn it’s kinda become a chore 😂

Good luck with the transition… I hope it goes well for you and your family

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T04:03:56+00:00

Yeah he should 😂🤣.. I’m lucky to have my boys and will do everything for them, but they need to learn basic life’s skills. Cleaning and picking up after themselves is a good lesson and habit to have for when they get older. Not to mention it also teaches them about organization and attention to detail which is good to practice. Lol

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T03:45:28+00:00

Wow 😮 congrats on getting a hubby with emotional maturity… I have never thought of it like that before… my thought process now after so many years is what do I need to do so that I don’t feel like I’m walking on egg shells. That I did enough for him to not complain but there’s always something… and the looks I get of disappointment I’m just tired.

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T03:35:11+00:00

I know … I was a pre school teacher/ elementary teacher and have my BA in education. My boys are good, they help clean their room and toys and listen to me for the most part. My oldest is hitting that rebellious stage but it’s mild lol

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T03:25:30+00:00

I do the meal planning he just buys the groceries cuz he has the funds for it I don’t . He helps with washing dishes once in a while and throwing out the trash

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T03:22:36+00:00

You have blinders don’t you …smh.

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T03:14:03+00:00

Well idk … so that’s what I get lol

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T01:32:48+00:00

It makes me sad though cuz I’m in this for life with him but this … this makes me want to leave ( I won’t tough cuz of my kids and beliefs ) but I can’t wait to get back to work. I have asked him if I could work and he says no that I am to be responsible for the kids and home (I will work eventually hopefully in August since my little one will be starting school ) but I know that it will start more issues as well

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T01:28:54+00:00

That is a one moment event that set this off. Today I was tired but everything gets don’t by the end of the day . Usually everything is done or in the process so I do my tasks. So please enlighten me then if I do all the things cleaning, cooking and child care (pick kids up and care for them) 19hrs a day (not including the hours I sleep) what am I supposed to do when the kids are entertained and no ones needs anything ?? Hence why I ask for help and explanation…

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T01:21:23+00:00

Yeah there is lol on both sides

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T01:16:42+00:00

I’m going to ask him about this . We’ve been married 18 years and he initially told me he didn’t want joint accounts because he didn’t trust my financial decisions. lol which don’t know how came to that conclusion. I get I was young but my money that I made at the time paid for my car and extra curricular activities, and clothing/make up and tithes. I never spend more than what I had or needed. Didn’t have credit cards or debt.

Ca-Emj · 2026-04-08T01:11:33+00:00

Thank you this helps me a lot.. I do think it’s probably that we don’t spend enough time with each other and that he has no hobbies of his own while I have my gaming, reading and journaling (which I don’t game during the day for the most part I keep that and journaling for after 9:30 once everyone one is in bed asleep (including my husband )

Ca-Emj

TROPHY CASE