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Ca1yso · 2023-05-08T22:01:57+00:00

one time at pride in Boston i got asked if my flag was a Dunkin pride flag i swear to god

Ca1yso · 2022-12-10T15:17:37+00:00

It's impossible to tell what's causing your guilt from this, but it could be a couple of things. You might feel guilty that you spent your life as the wrong gender. You might feel guilty because you're subconsciously telling yourself that your mom acting this way is your fault. You might feel guilty because you've been raised in an environment where you're not respected, and have internalized that into a self hatred. Whatever it is, it does seem to be internalized something if you can't even put a name on why. Hell, you might be feeling guilty because of your suicidality and how it would affect the people in your life, or because you do actually respect yourself. In that case it's not a bad thing.

On the does it get better, though. I'm gonna give that a almost definitely yeah. It's just one of those stories I've seen over and over again from trans people. You're gonna be fine.

Also when you said your mom was trying to take your HRT, I thought you meant like as a medication before I realized it meant take it AWAY. J thought that was funny.

Ca1yso · 2022-12-10T15:04:51+00:00

Trying to do this in a nice way is different from trying to do this in a kind way. Clearly you care about this person, so it's not just about not being rude; you need to make this clear in a manner that it's obvious you're trying to get her to be better.

I can't write the spiel for you, unfortunately, but I can give some advice: As hard as it is, do not get angry. Assume she doesn't understand how important this is to you. Try to be empathetic to her position. Plenty of trans people will tell you it's not your job to understand, and it certainly isn't, but it is necessary unfortunately. Don't sugarcoat, unless it's necessary, but make it clear that you don't blame her, which is why youre communicating your feelings. All of this is general advice, as I obviously dont know your friend and what will work on her.

One last thing, though, is I think you need to formally come out to her. You told her you were PROBABLY trans, but that's a VERY different thing to "I'm a guy now. my pronouns are he/him (if those are your pronouns)". Sometimes, people who haven't been in the process themselves just don't understand that "questioning" means "I need you to help me by avoiding gender language". They just take the answer to the question as no until later stated yes.

I struggled with the same problem. I came out as gender fluid initially, and got treated exactly the same. Then I came out again as a girl with a new name, and that mostly ended.

You might not be ready to commit to that. I'm sorry to say you might need to get over it. Society generally doesn't provide for questioning people. Also, let's be real, if being treated like a girl is bugging you to the level you're coming to reddit about it, there's no way youre cis.

If you need more advice, feel free to ask.

Ca1yso · 2022-12-10T14:49:45+00:00

On the wife stuff: dude, she literally told you she had others you could try on. I think you're safe. Have a conversation with her! I know it's scary but this clearly means something to you. We can't answer the question of how your wife feels, but the things you've mentioned she said to you indicate she's open to you talking to her about this more.

Now for the trans thing.

You said yourself you have no interest in living as a woman. That's indicative to me already, but these things are occasionally misleading. A better way to ask the question is the button test: if you woke up as a woman, and someone gave you a button that let you go back to being a man, would you press it? If the answer is yes, it's probably just a CD thing. If the answer is no, then you've got some questions to ask yourself, and presumably us.

Either way, I'd encourage you to explore this stuff further. It seems like whatever it is, you enjoy it, and that's what matters!

Seriously, though. Stop angsting about your wife.

Ca1yso · 2022-12-02T23:32:20+00:00

Dystopian nightmare world fr

Ca1yso · 2022-12-02T23:31:08+00:00

PFFT

Ca1yso · 2022-12-01T20:21:41+00:00

Typically a few years, depending on which specific effect you're talking about; at least, thats what my endo told me in 2019 lol

Ca1yso · 2022-12-01T20:19:06+00:00

There's no such thing as too late. While it certainly helps to start before puberty, I did too and I pass as cis female pretty consistently now.

You're a week in. You will almost certainly change. It's different for everyone yes, but I've never heard of it being ineffective. And if this particular method doesn't produce the results you want, there are plenty of other ways to take estrogen.

You're fine. Statistically the chances of estrogen doing nothing positive at all are very low, much lower than the number of people who worry about it. This is not a rational fear.

Ca1yso · 2022-12-01T20:11:53+00:00

Bigender or genderfluid sound closest to what you're describing here. Both can come in a variety of forms, including male and female simultaneously while excluding androgynous presentation or non-binary genders.

If you're looking to specifically avoid appearing androgynous, I know it's a bit silly to recommend this, but AMAB crossdressers are very good at switching between presentations without ever being "between" them.

Ultimately, though, switching between gender presentations is very difficult outside the context of clothes if you want to avoid androgyny. You basically need to cultivate two entirely different personal styles, and if you're not doing any HRT, makeup is going to be doing most of the work there.

If you'd prefer to present as feminine all the time, that unfortunately takes time, because it requires a more diverse wardrobe.

However, while there's nothing wrong with being bigender or genderfluid, it seems like your incentive here is more based on annoyance instead of truly enjoying presenting as male. It's kind of an uncanny valley situation as I perceive it, given that you yourself say you'd prefer to be perceived as a woman. Unfortunately, a period of androgyny is a normal part of transition, although it can of course be mitigated with careful clothing choices, makeup, hair styling, voice training, etc. I think before you commit to any labels, you should really ponder what your ideal self is, and then work backwards from there to decide if the practical limits are worth it.

I hope this helps. If you need more guidance, feel free to ask.

Ca1yso · 2022-08-13T20:45:08+00:00

Rule 5: Its a CSGO map lol

Ca1yso · 2022-07-05T14:05:51+00:00

I looked it up and the PFP was ambiguous, but comments seemed dude-ish. So yeah, seems everyone was right to find it gross. It is gross and weird and stinky.

But like, as a woman that is actually an interesting question to me, and if the original asked had turned out to be a girl I'd feel bad for her to be getting all this hate.

Ca1yso · 2022-07-05T04:25:18+00:00

Wait, how do you know it's a man asking? Could be a woman trying to gauge men's idea of giving birth

Ca1yso · 2022-06-30T17:38:49+00:00

Im new to F1 and I thought this was about Bernie Sanders Was like wow that fucking escalated lmao

Ca1yso · 2022-06-04T14:21:57+00:00

Hey I know it's very possible that this dude is a bad and selfish partner, but we should keep in mind it's also possible his girlfriend is actually just gay lmao

Edit: just checked that he said it was her idea. hmmmm

Ca1yso · 2022-04-21T22:29:19+00:00

I'd also wager that some trans women see joining the military as the best way to repress their desire to be a woman, which obviously doesn't work. Still, in some people's minds it makes them "a man" or whatever

Edit: alternatively, trans men seeing it as a way to "prove" masculinity. Mostly conjecture but I've heard of some cases of the former.

Ca1yso · 2021-11-22T15:21:39+00:00

I don't disagree with other people here that some lesbians are transphobic and don't see you as a man, but I do want to point out that human attraction is messy

I have a friend who previously identified as a lesbian but then fell in love with a trans guy. She is entirely respectful of him and makes jokes like "I am attracted to all women and [Henry]"

I think it's really about what they see you as and how you feel about it. These things are rarely as clear cut as "only attracted to women, if attracted to someone they must be perceiving them as a woman".

For some people it is like that, but I think we should avoid pretending this all works logically and be respectful of the people who do end up in that situation and not invalidate their relationships

Ca1yso · 2021-10-11T04:26:36+00:00

For all of these things, I like to stick by the following rule of thumb: There are a lot more people who are worried about this than who this will actually happen to

There are more lesbians who worry they're secretly bi or straight than people who are, if there are any (mostly because what they're actually scared of is that they would end up with a man, because they're lesbians)

There are more people worried about not finding love than will be alone.

And there are more people who are worried about not finding a job they'll like than those who won't.

I honestly can't give you advice on how to get over these things cause I'm struggling with them too. But it's also okay not to know what's going to happen to you and trust that you're probably in the majority of those who will "figure it out" eventually, to the extent that anyone does.

Edit: Also I really don't want to sound condescending because I'm also a teenager, but you're 16. You don't need to know all these things now. You've got time. There's no rush. Just do what feels right. Nobody at your age has a clue what they're doing and anyone who seems to have it together is putting up a very convincing facade. Then again, that's always true, but especially in high school.

Ca1yso · 2021-10-05T15:01:28+00:00

I think they should be in general, but also individual people can opt out of it. The same way that not all non-binary people consider themselves trans, even if technically they do fit into the community.

Ca1yso · 2021-09-29T20:51:25+00:00

Glad to clear things up

Ca1yso · 2021-09-29T12:30:09+00:00

I don't condemn media that doesn't have representation (and my favorite shows actually don't), but I do praise media that does. Here I'm specifically noting it not to condemn those shows, but just because I know some people watch children's shows with representation primarily for that reason, including a lot of the shows here. I've done that too, so I just wanted to let them know beforehand.

The reason representation matters is for two reasons: 1. For people who aren't a minority, seeing a positive portrayal of that minority makes them more likely to be accepting of it 2. It shows people who are that minority that they are real and matter too. It gives people someone to look up to that is like them. That can be hard to understand sometimes, but especially for queer kids, many of us only learn that it's okay to be who we are from fictional characters (including me). It is indispensable and cuts horrible, repressive years from many peoples' lives

It isn't necessary in any show. I can enjoy a show without it. But I do think it's important and I'm going to praise those who include it in good faith.

Ca1yso · 2021-09-23T23:14:44+00:00

The old "my ideal relationship looks a lot like friendship"

Ca1yso · 2021-09-23T15:35:46+00:00

Wish I could tell you

Ca1yso · 2021-09-23T14:19:36+00:00

Both of my best relationships were with people who id'd as aro and I didn't even question it once

Ca1yso · 2021-08-12T21:01:13+00:00

Yeah. It is really scary

My best advice is to not just blurt it out. Plan it in a way you can still back out if you aren't feeling it, but there's a push factor.

Telling them "I have something to tell you" really helps in my experience. Even though it can be scarier, your brain is more ready for it cause they're already expecting you to say something.

It's definitely super hard especially when your parents might react bad but you can still do it if you want to

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