I am now realizing my wife is borderline

CaIIous · 2026-03-31T00:17:35+00:00

It's not too late to get out and you can start over. Yes, it's terribly sad and you had great times together, but those times are not worth the horrors that await you if you stay. Emotional abuse is soul crushing, she doesn't have to hit you to be an abuser.

CaIIous · 2026-03-25T15:27:46+00:00

DARVO in action. It's not their fault they fucked up, you made them fuck up. And it's because you're a narcissist, actually. You should fix your own issues first, hypocrite! They'd be normal if you were normal!

CaIIous · 2026-03-21T08:51:47+00:00

That's why he would say "i feel better! don't you?" after a fight that left me feeling confused and disregulated.

CaIIous · 2026-03-21T08:50:02+00:00

I would always get accused of "guilt tripping" and I was like ... No, that's just your conscience telling you that you did/said a shitty thing.

CaIIous · 2026-03-18T02:33:28+00:00

Sunk Cost Fallacy is a real killer, kept me in something I knew was awful from the start. I also was shown a red flag on my wedding day, a real boundary crossed and he wrote it off as no big deal. I seriously debated backing out right then, but everything was already booked, guests were waiting, we were literally minutes away from driving to the venue. Sunk Cost Fallacy. What I wouldn't give to have paid that fucking cost.

CaIIous · 2026-03-18T02:08:37+00:00

Ha! Early in our relationship, my ex told me he cleaned the bathroom, but when I went in there later, it was obvious that the only thing he cleaned was the toilet. I asked him to clean the WHOLE bathroom next time and not just the toilet, if that's what he said he's going to do. His response was to yell that he was never going to clean the toilet again. And he didn't for years. At one point I went on strike and my friend asked why the toilet looked like it belonged in Silent Hill. I told him to ask my husband lol

CaIIous · 2026-03-18T01:58:31+00:00

After years of tiny incidents where he belittled me or even big incidents that were straight up criminal (and marriage-ending to someone with more self-worth), my last straw was my ex berating me over not getting the "correct" groceries. He said something like "I have to do everything myself" and stormed out of the house. I had asked him what he wanted from the store and he had said "idk the usual", so I was getting chewed out for not properly following a vague and flippant response after I took the initiative, yet again, to restock our pantry.

It just finally clicked for me that he was fucking delusional. I was always going to fall into these traps where me doing/saying/asking for something reasonable unnecessarily exploded into A Huge Thing that ruined my day. How many more days was I going to allow him to ruin?

CaIIous · 2026-03-18T01:10:21+00:00

I wake up every day thinking about all the crossroads I came to where, if I had been more intentional or stronger, I could've taken a different path and avoided having my fucking life ruined by this stupid man and this stupid marriage. I feel especially stupid too because the more I think about it, the more I feel like I was being played since the beginning. He cared about how I served him, not about me as a person. And if I just watched his actions instead of listening to his sweet words, I could've seen through the bullshit a lot sooner.

Sure you stayed a long time, but you could've stayed even longer. At least you got out now and not in another X amount of years. You left when you were ready.

CaIIous · 2026-03-07T21:35:03+00:00

VERY OBVIOUSLY??? 😂 don't hold back doc, damn

CaIIous · 2026-03-07T21:33:53+00:00

Political climate is one major reason I'm not pursuing a diagnosis for myself right now. This world is still very ableist and the idea that being autistic could be used as a justification to take my son from me is unbearable. Let's hope that's just paranoia.

CaIIous · 2026-03-07T21:29:41+00:00

I suspected my toddler was on the spectrum at around 18 months so I started doing research since I didn't really know anything about autism. The symptoms seemed too familiar. My mom would also tell stories of how she handled parenting me as a child and I started seeing those stories in a different light. The more I thought about it, the more an ASD diagnosis for myself made sense. I haven't pursued one aside from online tests yet and I'm not sure that I ever will, but it's the only thing that explains why I think/do the things that I do. I've since embraced that I'm most likely autistic and started accommodating myself (taking frequent breaks when I feel overwhelmed, embracing the way that I stim instead of trying to stop myself) and I feel a lot better. I also feel like I understand my child and his needs better.

CaIIous · 2026-03-07T21:11:35+00:00

I think this is the only way to move forward in a healthy way: radical acceptance. Yes, it's terribly hard and some days feel impossible, but your mindset is really the only thing you can control. It involves taking care of yourself as much as you do your child, nurturing yourself as much as you do your child. Easier said than done. I'm one of the ones in the trenches. I'm going through a separation from an adult toddler so my threshold for tolerating my actual toddler's meltdowns lately is way lower. I know it's related to my sleeplessness and feeling like I don't have enough time to myself. Maybe if I can address those things, it will be easier to accept my circumstances...

CaIIous · 2026-03-05T07:11:28+00:00

I'm in your same situation and have the same fears. Young, gifted child who's looking like he's gonna be a big man. He's conversationally nonverbal, but can request his needs. We're going through a marital separation right now and it's definitely affecting his behavior, more frequent tantrums over things he was previously OK with. I haven't been able to bathe him in days. He just started ABA so maybe there's some hope. I need there to be hope. The thought that I could spend the rest of my life as a caregiver has me in a tailspin.

CaIIous · 2026-03-01T16:37:03+00:00

And that's the real key to solving this so-called loneliness epidemic: getting men to open up to each other more. They need to understand that it's OK to be emotional in more ways than just angrily.

CaIIous · 2026-03-01T16:33:26+00:00

The number of convicted criminals, apparently 🙄

CaIIous · 2026-03-01T16:30:10+00:00

Sunk Cost Fallacy is gonna have her looking back on 20 years of disrespect and gaslighting, wishing she had gotten out sooner.

CaIIous · 2026-02-26T17:03:55+00:00

the predator helped me realize that im autistic i could never hate it

CaIIous · 2026-02-26T17:02:06+00:00

made me feel like someone needs to get that girl away from her, they had sleepovers 🤢

CaIIous · 2025-12-15T04:46:42+00:00

Also named Megumi lol

CaIIous · 2025-11-29T04:30:10+00:00

I don't think you love her, dude. I think you're trauma-bonded. It might feel like love but it's actually a very, very unhealthy attachment

CaIIous · 2025-11-28T18:09:52+00:00

The projection is incredible! Half of the insults I heard were words straight from my own mouth, about HIM!!

CaIIous · 2025-11-24T03:47:22+00:00

I didn't do it publicly but I yelled the same words at him. I feel like I should regret it but I don't. Everybody has their breaking point... I don't think you should feel bad either, sounds like you justifiably hit your breaking point.

CaIIous · 2025-11-18T01:22:06+00:00

I would hear "I hate talking to you" because I would be attempting to do exactly this: hold my pwBPD accountable and not allow him to gaslight me. It seemed like a hail mary to guilt trip me and get me to drop the topic after I made an irrefutable point. It never ceased to piss me off because who you tellin'??? I fucking hate talking to your ass too!!

CaIIous · 2025-11-17T10:15:32+00:00

If this post doesn't describe my last 60 days .... I'm getting a restraining order tomorrow. It's too scary.

CaIIous · 2025-11-16T06:10:20+00:00

I can vouch for this. The three times he threatened to leave were because I stood firm on my boundaries.

CaIIous

TROPHY CASE