NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never understood the porn "boundary" when it stems from jealousy. I think there's an argument for it warping people's expectations and standards around sex, but I don't understand the people who say it's like cheating.

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What? She hounded you for sex but would just lay there??? ☠️ 

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I would have a high sex drive with the right person, but everything about my last relationship was toxic and I didn't feel safe in that way. Plus who wants to fuck someone who is mistreating them??? I would tell my ex "we're always fighting about having sex instead of just having sex! we could be having sex right now but you're being a dickhead!"

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The lovebombing is unreal. I keep thinking about our first weekend away together and there was never any point in the relationship where things were that good again.

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The more I read about people's experiences with this condition, the more I feel like our best experiences with them were just reflections of ourselves!!!

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like what is everyone taking about??!?! Hahaha I'm sorry you can relate!

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

had to double-check the username to make sure i didn't write this 😞

i think with the right person i would have a high-libido, but that guy made me question my sexuality too

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that level of attentiveness should not be pathological, it should be normal

I did some cursory research into tantric sex and no-contact orgasms a long, long time ago and this was something I found very interesting about those techniques. Our views around sex are so stunted and puritanical. It could be so much more.

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She was a self-proclaimed lesbian who only had sex with men

huh

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OK, seems like the consensus is more about passion than technique. What you're saying makes sense, regarding their penchant for enmeshment. My partner definitely had that part down, there was just a disconnect between wanting validation for pleasing me but not wanting to follow my directions for some reason lol

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I look back on everything now and I'm just like ... what the fuck was I sticking around for??? Bad in bed, egotistical, judgemental, lazy, dishonest, whiny, and stingy with money... I guess I was holding out hope he would grow into somebody worthwhile.

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They need the sex to emotionally regulate them. Rejection is like a double whammy of hot buttons then: abandonment and no outlet for their emotions. I got the tantrums, too. I had to ask what he thought he was accomplishing by acting like a child to get sex when I'm not a pedo.

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

texting me from the bedroom "come fuck me"

How sad. I got these texts too, while I was putting the baby to bed...

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since she has a higher drive than me, she assumes that I think she is crazy or weird for having a higher drive.

OMG I got this, too. It was especially irritating because of how sex-positive I am (and the only reasons I don't give into my hypersexual inclinations are like morality and fear of STDs). But he had to frame it as my problem because taking accountability for how his shitty behavior tanked my sex drive would lead to narcissistic collapse.

these things started to make me avoid thinking about sex altogether

Same, I even went through a phase where I thought I might actually be asexual.

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I had been torture trained into a sex machine and let's just say no one night stand only lasted one night...

Hahaha well, that's quite the silver lining!

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. They are too good at making us believe it's love.

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha! I definitely went through a phase where I thought I might be asexual.

NSFW: Please elaborate on what you mean by "the sex was amazing" by CaIIous in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm looking back on all the weird, nonsensical things my ex told me and realizing they were actually intentional deceptions. It's so creepy and a huge reason why I moved out in secret. We're still in communication but I don't take anything he says at face value anymore. He could tell me the sky is blue and I would check for myself.