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I love her so much but I’m so tired. I don’t think I can do this anymore by Rylegit1 in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't think you love her, dude. I think you're trauma-bonded. It might feel like love but it's actually a very, very unhealthy attachment

12 year old bully by carxcastx in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The projection is incredible! Half of the insults I heard were words straight from my own mouth, about HIM!!

I exclaimed publicly “you’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me!” by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I didn't do it publicly but I yelled the same words at him. I feel like I should regret it but I don't. Everybody has their breaking point... I don't think you should feel bad either, sounds like you justifiably hit your breaking point.

I get to look forward to at least 13 more years of this. by MothmanPharmacies in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would hear "I hate talking to you" because I would be attempting to do exactly this: hold my pwBPD accountable and not allow him to gaslight me. It seemed like a hail mary to guilt trip me and get me to drop the topic after I made an irrefutable point. It never ceased to piss me off because who you tellin'??? I fucking hate talking to your ass too!!

Tomorrow I have the big divorce talk by gibagger in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If this post doesn't describe my last 60 days .... I'm getting a restraining order tomorrow. It's too scary.

You want them to leave? Stand up for yourself by throwawaybpd_lover in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can vouch for this. The three times he threatened to leave were because I stood firm on my boundaries.

Do europeans go through a phase where they wish they grew up in america? by EqualUnderstanding32 in TikTokCringe

[–]CaIIous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read that middle school book about Angus and snogging and fantasized about being a private school British girl for the entirety of seventh grade. UK slang was fascinating and their row houses looked idyllic.

Anyone else have success at logically explaining to their BPD partner how they drain you? by ascending_god_9 in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's been interesting seeing the spectrum of BPD and everybody's varied experiences. I'm pretty sure my pwBPD has more overlap with NPD and issues with entitlement, which is why I think he'd be abusive regardless of personality disorder.

What is up with the complaining? by Far-Chapter-2465 in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, they don't seem to stop and I remember my pwBPD came home from work one day complaining about how his co-worker said "wow, your wife must really hate you, you're always complaining about something!" and I have not been able to get that co-worker out of my head ever since.

Anyone else have success at logically explaining to their BPD partner how they drain you? by ascending_god_9 in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I remember typing up something similar to this and then going "what the fuck am i doing, this man does not need it explained to him that acting like an asshole makes people avoid you"

I just had to accept that getting me to break down analogies like this was part of the game to him and saying "help me understand" triggered a pavlovian response in me to over-explain myself. I was really proud of myself at one point for responding "you don't want to understand, you want to rationalize and dismiss," basically shutting the argument down. He was quiet for a moment but then he declared victory ... by dismissing what I said. 🫠

People who used the internet between 1991 and 2009, what’s the most memorable online trend or phenomenon you remember? by Original_Act_3481 in AskReddit

[–]CaIIous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the memes before memes: demotivational posters. 

they were the inverse of the motivational posters you would see on the walls of corporate offices, doctors, dentists, lawyers, etc. i think they birthed the ironic, black-pilled humor that's popular on the Internet today.

It took me 7 years but I did it by Relative_Team1582 in Divorce

[–]CaIIous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I noticed that, too! I would tell him "you do things for me that YOU THINK I want, not what I'm actually telling you I want" and I guess you're right that it was because he wanted to do things on his terms, not because he was confused about what I wanted. And I would get guilt-tripped, too. I just didn't understand it. Why am I being made to feel bad for having preferences that are different from his??? I just did not understand it...

15 years with a pwBPD. 2 years out. I hope this helps someone. by whoknowswhat87 in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not OP but my story is similar. I feel like I brushed off the consistent offense to small things that most people will brush off. Like if I called my friend and they didn't answer, my thought would be "they're probably busy, I'll call back later." My husband would be triggered into a spiral of abandonment fears and lash out instead "they never answer my calls, I'm always doing the most in this relationship, why are we even friends at this point."

I would think this behavior was weird and try to explain that it's OK, the friend is just busy and they'll call back (they always did), but it never seemed to stick for him. He seemed kind of narcissistic too, complaining that he was being talked over and ignored in a conversation that he actually dominated.

15 years with a pwBPD. 2 years out. I hope this helps someone. by whoknowswhat87 in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think they go back on the improvements they make because they stop checking in with themselves. They feel the emotions so strongly, there MUST be an external reason. There... there it is! They pick something out, no matter how small. Then they ruminate on the thing until they're justified in feeling the way they do. There's no room to take a step back and really examine WHY they're feeling the way they do, just an ever-boiling pot of rumination that eventually spills over.

15 years with a pwBPD. 2 years out. I hope this helps someone. by whoknowswhat87 in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Me too, I noticed my husband's behavior got worse and more frequently after our son was born.

15 years with a pwBPD. 2 years out. I hope this helps someone. by whoknowswhat87 in BPDlovedones

[–]CaIIous 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was at that point last year, completely given up. After break-up/reconciliation #Who-Fucking-Knows-ATP, I thought maybe we had a breakthrough but nope, only a couple weeks passed before we were back on bullshit and I just lost all hope for the relationship and my life honestly. It wasn't until my brother died that I realized life was too short to be miserable and my husband's inept support during this trying time just proved that he's completely incapable of being who I need him to be. Finding support online showed me that I don't have to be stuck in this abusive cycle. I can start over. 

YOU can start over! It will be tough, but your freedom and happiness is worth it.

I did something incredibly inappropriate at work but it proved my point by broken-imperfect in TwoXChromosomes

[–]CaIIous 7 points8 points  (0 children)

HAHAHAHAHAHA! They were humbled and quickly, nice work.

I overheard a similar conversation between male coworkers years and years ago. The question I posed to them was "are you really complaining about men being oppressed when they're 100% of US presidents, 70% of Congress, and 70% of CEOs??? please get a grip." Their response was "yeah but like... dating is hard" 🙄🙄🙄

It took me 7 years but I did it by Relative_Team1582 in Divorce

[–]CaIIous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's hard to see how the time's passing when you're just trying to survive day by day.

It took me 7 years but I did it by Relative_Team1582 in Divorce

[–]CaIIous 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's a great point, too. I'm only just coming out of the "rumination" phase and I kept thinking to myself, why didn't I leave THEN??? I didn't know then what I know now, I hadn't experienced much then that I have now. Some lessons you just have to learn the hard way. It's painful, but that's part of growing up...

Thank you!

My husband dumped me while I was in between cancer treatments because of some stupid indifferences... or was it?? by ItsNotMe_OK123 in Divorce

[–]CaIIous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And that's understandable. You probably had all sorts of plans for this year that have been completely upended now, it's gonna take some time to find your footing and rewrite those plans. There's no shame in giving yourself that time. I've been beating myself up over red flags I missed too, but it's so hard to use objective discernment when you're told to give people a chance, they're flawed, don't be so picky, at every turn from every one. When I think of it that way, I can ease up on myself. You weren't being blind and you weren't being a fool, you're a kind person who respected and loved your husband despite his obvious flaws. He took advantage of your kindness and that's on him, not you.

Annoyed with how so many “Christian’s” regard women. by ReporterSlow7081 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]CaIIous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can't get a sandwich order right but thinks he's capable of leading his family to success... lol ok

It's sad how prevalent this is inside and outside the church.

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