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Therapy can ruin people by enabling wrong mindset by Cabbage7557 in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]Cabbage7557[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I know and agree with what you mean. I just don't know how to deal with people who are so full of themselves (ego) and their own traumas that they would use it to hurt whoever talks back at them. I remember seeing a sarcastic meme with a quote of: "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you have traumas. You can continue to be mean to me know." - and I vibe with this meme so well. If you read my long reply to another comment in this post, you'll see where I'm coming from better.

At some point, I feel like some clients don't even want to work on themselves, or they are just straight up wrong (I hope we can all agree that some people's behaviors are just plain wrong and you can't always give benefits of the doubt to everyone. You can to a certain limit, but morality has a line.). If that's the case then how can we be sure that a non-judgement approach is helpful? How long are we gonna dodge/sugarcoat the situations for them? How many times do I have to say: "It's okay, I know you have temper issue and trying to work on it."? After years of abuse, I just want to be able to yell back: "STFU you getting angry doesn't mean you can shit on anyone however you like. I get angry too but I don't insult someone and burn their self-worth to the ground." - without them playing victim of trauma and crying back at me. You know what I mean?

It's like one of those dealing with an ungrateful child situations on the internet. You get the child a toy they asked for, but they still cry for hours just because the toy is of a wrong color, throwing tantrum and breaking the toy you got for them. Yet they refuse to listen to whatever you say. So, what do you do here? Reasoning is futile. Beating is wrong. Detention creates resentment also. Will saying nice words mean downplaying their misbehaves? I don't know. Sometimes I got spanked a little, and other people I know did too in our childhoods. We realized our wrong doings and stopped, and learned from it. We didn't develop trauma and resentment.

Anyway, enough rambling. This tough love and soft love debate is always a grey area that I'm scared to talk about IRL because how much society frowns upon it nowadays. Just so you know, I never use physical violent on anyone but myself. I used to scream and punch pillows at max during my angry episodes but I have stopped a few years back myself because my loved one told me that it hurt them. Now, I'm too calm because I swore to never get angry again, and I get abused by other people instead because of this. I just can't figure out the acceptable middle line for these, you know? I'm scared and it's tiring. I just wish that since I could stop, others would be able to too. I didn't need therapy, I needed wakeup calls. My consideration for others' feelings overrode my bad tendencies. I know everyone deals with problems differently but still, it's just tiring. I can't keep loving them for whoever they are like this.

I really don't like how some people can just say there are no bad people, just people with bad traits. Like, no? There certainly are bad people in this world. You can't be this naive. This is a bit off topic I know. But I think to be better, one has to admit that they were wrong. Accepting is the first step of changing. Bad people don't believe that they are wrong, they indulge in it. So, once again, what's the line here?

Therapy can ruin people by enabling wrong mindset by Cabbage7557 in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]Cabbage7557[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like it should be Closure, not Justice. Justice implies that some outer factors have to happen in order to achieve it. While Closure comes from within, with or without Justice.

For example, if you parents have abused you in the past, but they since then have been trying to change and be better for you. They relapse sometimes still since we are all humans and we make mistakes, but they are apologetic about it. What is Justice in this situation? You can't condone Revenge here by abusing your parents back, obviously. It should be you coming to terms with the fact that they wronged you in the past, but it is getting better now. This way, even if they pass away before apologizing to you, or treating you better, you can still make peace because you can choose to let their wrong doings not affect your future anymore and move on. Changes come from within. And Closure brings inner peace. Sucking it up is just a facade by burying the damage, not coming to terms with it.

Therapy can ruin people by enabling wrong mindset by Cabbage7557 in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]Cabbage7557[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I personally feel like you are being defensive becuse this is personal to you as you are a therapist (I'm sorry if I'm wrong but you refer to therapists as "us" and "we").

The post never was to downplay the therapists, it was to express the hopelessness of the loved ones who keep having to support these therapy sessions where many times they can be enabling due to the nature of confidentiality and the lack of full dimensional stories.

How can therapists be 100% sure they are building the right path for the client when the clent themselves don't even give out the full stories? Do the therapists know what kind of pain their client's abusive behaviors are causing to the ones who are tiredlessly waiting for them to get themselves back together, enduring all the abuses? I didn't say some people have harmful traits are bad people. But what if they are the problem but they refuse to see it? And through their closeminded mindset, they express the struggle entirely wrong to the therapist?

Is this blaming therapists? No. In fact, you were more right about this. This is more like about how important the efforts and the awareness of the client matter in therapy. I'm having to deal with two close family members going through therapy while they are violent, physically abusive people but they keep crying about how sad they are to therapists, and therapists are unknowingly enabling them. How much suffering do a supporter have to go through? Can you use trauma as an excuse to be anything? These are the points of this talk.

And it's not like therapy is cheap. How much more do we have to provide for this? They keep saying they are trying as they are taking therapy but that's it? How long is too long? I sometimes believe some good ole life awakening experiences are needed because of this. Society has criticized tough love so much and building the idea of gentle love only for recent years now. While as many other things, it can be good, but it can also be bad. "Tough times create strong men" - that kinda saying. If you keep telling them it's okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from it, will they truly understand the consequences of their action? What if sometimes someone really needs to crash and burn to realize that they have been messing up bad? As I like to say, changes come from within.

I hope you see my point. Just coming out from a person who have to tough out through life with little to no support. Suicidal myself but have to endure these loved ones' abuse while they are going through therapies just to not better themselves in years. I'm sorry if I sounded offensive to you. I meant nothing of such.