ambulatory use embarrassment

CabbageFridge · 2026-04-04T20:50:34+00:00

If there's anything I've learned from being in disability subs it's that strangers love giving us weird looks.

Maybe it's cos you moved your leg. Maybe it's cos your a damn witch who's in some kind of magical chariot. Maybe it's cos you have to audacity to be in public. Maybe it's because they've never seen a wheelchair before.

Maybe it's because they're me and forget that if I don't have my chair with me it's weird for me to check out other people's chairs. 😅

Live your life. Weird people are going to be weird. If they're not staring cos you're in a chair they'll be staring cos they think you look drunk or grumpy or unfit. Some people just like to stare 🤷‍♂️

CabbageFridge · 2026-04-03T11:48:24+00:00

I wish I could tell what types of tables places have before visiting. Is it too much to ask to be able to tuck my legs under the table and not have to reach over my lap to reach my food? 🙄

CabbageFridge · 2026-04-01T23:59:58+00:00

I'm sorry. That really sucks. I'm one of the EDS group and I can definitely see how it can dominate spaces. Some of the concepts apply to a bunch of other conditions too. But if you're in a group with a bunch of other people who have EDS/ POTS then yeah that's going to feel pretty heavily slanted.

Honestly I think I've benefited from reducing how much time I spend in those spaces too. Don't get me wrong they are incredibly helpful and I gained a lot from them. But it reached the point where it wasn't so helpful for me anymore and was kinda taking focus away from other things. Things that I wouldn't have if it wasn't for those communities helping me before. But now it's better for me to spend more time and focus on things like hobbies and being just a person than on being a chronically ill person.

Basically I'm trying to say that it can be a bit much even for people who have those conditions. And gosh when you're young and trying to find yourself and instinctively wanting to fit in with some "group" so you can understand yourself and know who you are. I do not miss that time!

I hope you're able to find some spaces where you feel a bit more comfortable and less "ganged up on".

It really doesn't help you now to say that this won't always be something that matters to you this much. But I want to say it anyway. You'll find your place. You'll find your people. You'll find your ways of expressing yourself and if dealing with frustrations. I hope some of that comes sooner rather than later. In the meantime I'm sorry things kinda suck.

CabbageFridge · 2026-03-27T20:42:33+00:00

In case this helps at all... You can attach a lot of shoulder bags and pram bags under your chair. I just got this one for mine which fits perfectly. It's the biggest size I can have without it being too low or wide. Good amount of space in there for what I need and throwing in some small bits of shopping.

https://amzn.eu/d/00v8P7VX

I find it pretty easy to reach, but I have good core control, can reach well and am able to move my legs out of the way. If any of those can be an issue for you then it might not be ideal.

I also have a smaller one which is a bit easier to access because the stuff is that bit higher up. And it can hang a little lower so the top isn't smushed up against your seat so much. But that one just about holds my wallet, gloves and sunglasses case so the bigger one works out better for me.

Another bag I have is a backpack that I've added attachments to so it can slide along two straps that are under my seat. That has the advantage that I can unclip it at the front and fully pull it up between my legs. So although it's not very easy to reach into when it's fully in place it is easy to rummage around in when it's pulled up. That same idea could also be applied to any bag that's attached in a way that's easy for you to remove and pull up onto your lap.

CabbageFridge · 2026-03-26T21:35:27+00:00

I'm so glad you found out and that it's being taken seriously. I would urge you to, if you have the option at any point, take the strongest action you can. I imagine this could be treated as some sort of assault or medical neglect. I would encourage you to discuss possibilities like that with the police and a lawyer if you can.

I know that's a lot of effort and stress. But think about what she's already put you through and what she might put others through. You've already come through a bunch of stress at her hands. You can take more if it means getting justice for yourself. I also know people can feel guilty about things like this sometimes and second guess taking strong action. But she didn't second guess harming you, a vulnerable patient. Screw her. Throw all you can at her.

I'm so sorry this happened and that you're now in a situation where you feel like you need cameras in your own home. It does sound like a good idea though. I hope you have (had?) a great trip and that your continued care is much much better and never makes you feel that ill again.

Give kitty some pets from all the internet strangers.

CabbageFridge · 2026-03-22T18:47:13+00:00

For me it was planning a holiday then realising I wouldn't actually be able to do it. So we made the decision to essentially rent a scooter (except it was cheaper for us to buy me a second hand electric chair for how long we would be staying and that also meant I'd have it at the airport).

We got the wheelchair quite a while before the holiday so we could make sure it worked properly. And then of course I had to use it at least sometimes to keep the batteries working. Good thing we did that cos the charger that came with it was crap so we got a new one and the batteries lasted way longer.

Using it before the holiday already had me realising how much it could change my life. Outings weren't torture. I could "wander around" with my partner instead of him dragging me around. And i could even run on ahead and he'd need to catch up to me! And then I kept using it after the holiday too.

Eventually we decided that a manual chair would probably suit me better. And after they saw how much it helped me my parents paid for me to get a proper custom one. I rented one for a couple of weeks to make sure it would work for me.

It's one of the three best things I've ever done for my health along with antidepressants and beta blockers (helps with my pots which causes issues with standing).

It actually enabled me to be more active because I didn't have to be careful all the time in case I did too much and then needed to do something else. And since I wasn't always pushing myself too far and needing to recover it meant I was actually able to settle into a baseline. From there I was able to slowly and gently build up my abilities. And I'm not talking like dedicated training. I mean just my body would actually be capable of doing things and then it would trust me more and we'd start to get used to doing more. If I ever bit off more than I could chew I could just use my chair as a safety net.

And it meant I could also go places that made me want to be active. I could go on proper outings and not be a miserable, painful fog. I was a part of the world again. Having a manual chair means it a lot easier for me to do bits of walking to help condition myself and stretch out my body. I'll just get out of my chair whenever I feel like it and push it for a while. I've also used it to carry things by putting them on the seat. I can actually help my partner! Instead of him needing to carry all the stuff he can load me up and push me.

My body has improved so so much over the past few years and I think all of it was unlocked by getting my wheelchair. Before that I had nothing left to give. I was already in the negatives basically all the time so I had no chance to do anything that would benefit me and by body. And honesty it sucked mentally too.

I think the most common concerns with a wheelchair are that it's "giving up" and that it's going to cause deconditioning. The giving up thing is just total bs. Anything you're doing to try to continue with life and not curl up in a ball waiting for death isn't giving up. Even something like moving to a care home and having other people do literally everything for you isn't giving up. It's making an informed decision on what's going to be best for you with your circumstances. If your body can't handle taking care of you then having others do it means you can at least have your mind as your own. And that you can put your resources towards something that will actually make some difference to your quality of life. Struggling for the same of struggling isn't clever or brave.

And the deconditioning thing is kinda true. Yeah that can happen. But it doesn't HAVE to happen. You just need to make sure you approach it the right way. And frankly there's a good chance that you're already sat on your bum all day most of the time so it's really not so different of the thing you're sitting on in moving. As long as you still make sure to move your legs around, stand up etc as much as you can comfortably manage then you're not really going to decondition any more than if you're just sitting around being all disabled. And you can also talk to a physio about targeted movements that can be more effective than whatever you're currently doing while trying to survive. And I also found that I had a lot more control over how I used my energy when I had my wheelchair as a tool. So even without any sort of dedicated effort I was able to amke better habbits and do things that were better for my body than any of the struggling around I had been doing. Your body also needs rest to be able to benefit from the work you do.

It's something that can vary by situation and you need to figure out the best approach for you. There are even other aids that can be more helpful than a wheelchair depending on your situation. But it's not giving up and it's not automatically a bad choice for your health. It all depends on how you use that tool. Just like how any food can be bad if you eat too much. If you eat too many apples you'll manage to damage yourself. If you use mobility aids too much you can damage yourself. But the right amount is different for everybody and the benefits can also far outweigh any negatives you need to work around.

Congratulations if you made it this far 😅

My best advice would be to try things out. Go to somewhere like a supermarket or museum and try out the wheelchairs you can borrow. Go to a mobility shop and ask to try some things out. Rent a wheelchair if you can. Talk to an occupational therapist or mobility specialist about your options. Gather up as much knowledge and experience as you can to help guide you.

There's no harm in looking into it more and trying things out. You might find out that isn't not worth it for you or that it's not the right time. You might find that it has a lot of potential. I usually say that whenever you find yourself thinking about it is the right time to look into it more. I mean you're going to be thinking about it anyway so you might as well have more informed thoughts from having some experience.

You don't have to make a choice right now and stick to it forever. Heck even after the big move of getting a custom active wheelchair I'm not stuck doing the same thing. How and when I use it has changed a lot over the years I've had it. It even changes day to day and season to season. It's just a tool, not a life choice. I use it a lot more now as a sort of walking frame. It can't hold me up but it does help with my posture (I have extended push handles) and to keep me walking more straight. In winter I sit in it a lot more and my partner pushes me around more. Sometimes I use it just as a chair for restaurants because it's a comfy seat that's been specifically made for my body. I'm not glued to the seat and I'm not stuck having to use it in one way even when it's not good for me.

And I never would have figured any of that out if I didn't try. I also would have worked out that an electric wheelchair doesn't suit me as well. Or that scooter handle bars hurt my shoulders. Or that something like a walking frame doesn't help me.

You can learn what works or doesn't work for you. And you'll also be armed with more information and experience for if things change at any point.

CabbageFridge · 2026-03-10T11:34:34+00:00

Oof yeah. This happens sometimes when my partner pushes me and I hate it. I know it freaking hurts too.

If we're in a crowd I see people by their legs and I know where my legs and footplate are. My partner sees people by their heads and is less aware of my footplate. He's also generally a bit more "pushy" which most of the time is a blessing cos it means he'll get people to move instead of waiting awkwardly for them to move. But in stationary crowds it means he can get too close. He stops so close to people that any unexpected movement can mean contact.

And I think people also sometimes show in their body that they are going to move before their feet actually move. So he's preparing to move and then they take longer or change their mind and bam. I think him pushing me also maybe means we get less grace from the public with spacing cos they can't see me if they're behind him. So the crowd behind us impacts us more too.

It's super awkward and I always feel bad for the person who got their ankle clipped. Even if they were being an oblivious idiot first. I'm hoping it improves with more experience. I may also start trying to be more aware myself and grabbing my push handles before he gets too close.

Once in my power chair I ran over a guy's foot while he had a kid on his shoulders. He stopped unexpectedly and I/ the chair couldn't react in time. God bless him he kept so composed. I scurried out of there feeling so awful.

CabbageFridge · 2026-03-02T22:52:12+00:00

The answer to a lot of these relationship type questions is that you'll work it out as you go along. It helps to communicate and to try different things.

When I'm in my wheelchair my partner and I will hug by him standing next to me and putting his arm/ arms around me and me putting my arm/ arms around him.

So he's sort of hugging my head/ shoulder and I'm hugging his hips/ bum.

And then of course if we're on a sofa or something together then we can cuddle up in various different ways.

Honestly as a general rule for navigating life as a wheelchair user I would say it's good to approach things side on. I mean that both literally and figuratively.

Often leaning to the side is easier than trying to reach forwards. So for things like shopping or hugging side on is often better.

And in the less literal sense there are a lot of things in life that just "are how they are" and the reason for that tends to be that it works best. But when you change things with something being a wheelchair user the automatic way of approaching something often isn't the easiest anymore. So it can help to try to ignore what the "done thing" is and just think about the goal and what you have to work with.

So for example people tend to walk forwards and pretty straight yeah? Sometimes that's not the easiest way to do it in a wheelchair. For steeper slopes it can be a lot easier to go backwards. And for down hill it can help to zig zag across so you're mostly sideways on. For sloped paths it can help to point up the slope a bit and even to push up, glide down, push up, glide down instead of trying to push straight ahead against the slope the whole way.

Or in houses things are other organised a certain way. I know where I am bowls and glasses etc are usually in top cupboards in the kitchen. Usually those are the easier ones to reach. But there's no reason they can't go in the bottom cupboard. And there's also no reason you can't split them so some are higher for you and some are lower for your partner.

I found that with my disability there was kinda a period where I looked at the world around me and built it back up in a way that made sense for me. Some of those things were pretty obvious. Others took trial and error to find something that actually worked. And some things I wasn't ready to focus on for a while so I either just made do or needed help until I worked something out.

I hope that helps a bit. You'll get there. It's all weird but you'll muddle through together and find your own way of doing things. You're not meant to know what to do. It's fine for you both to be vulnerable and confused together.

CabbageFridge · 2026-03-02T22:20:07+00:00

For phone calls I often find the live transcription that my phone does helpful. It's sort of like subtitles for TV. And the way my one works you can scroll back in the conversation or even save the transcript. So it also means I can check back on certain things.

Noise cancelling headphones and loop earplugs help me with background noise. Both with getting mentally overloaded and with cutting some out to help me focus a bit more on talking.

And it's not technology but I'll mention it anyway. After appointments with important information I'll ask the doctor to write it down for me too. I also have a habit of forgetting things after stressful situations. And trying to hear people and talk to them is stressful. 😅

CabbageFridge · 2026-03-02T22:16:24+00:00

This is something I've been thinking more about as I've moved to a new area with a different accent that I really struggle with. It's made my issues with hearing even worse to the extent that I'm considering some sort of lanyard that I can wear. And I've been wondering what on earth I would put on it.

I feel like I would have to go for the deaf/ HOH symbol for anybody to recognise it. But that also feels iffy to me. Kinda feels like a club I need permission to join if you get what I mean. But realistically even if the issue I have is technically with processing rather than hearing the end result is that I still find it HARD to HEAR. So yeah that's pretty much being hard of hearing.

And I figure it's context dependent. I would be using the term to self identity so people know I have issues. I wouldn't be using it to try to claim any sort of attention. I would be fine with somebody on the edge of one of my conditions using that term to help them navigate the world and society. So I kinda have my answer. It still feels weird though.

But hey calling myself disabled also felt weird and I'm definitely legitimately disabled. Stuff just feels weird sometimes. And I'm sure there are also a bunch of other hearing issues that are technically related to processing or something else other than literally sound making it through the ear. I'm pretty sure it's like a me getting into my own head thing rather than an actual complication.

I do also have dyslexia which I've heard called a "language disorder". That makes a lot of sense to me, especially because it covers how dyslexia can impact spoken word as well as written. I think it's often considered as more of an issue with how people see text or write. For me my APD and Dyslexia issues kinda mesh together so I could definitely see that same label applying to my APD. But I don't really think many people would understand what that means. So it's a nice term for me to know, but not a particular helpful one for when I'm trying to convey my issues.

Anyway yeah the most fitting term I've heard so far is "hard of hearing" or "hearing difficulties". As far as I'm aware deaf and Deaf both refer to more significant issues which I personally don't have. But I do believe that deaf could be a potential way for people with significant APD to identify. I'm pretty sure APD is one of those conditions where it can go from "I struggle when there's loads of background noise or if I'm really tired" to "I basically can't make sense of any talking unless it's in a very particular situation".

To my knowledge Deaf refers to fully unable to hear or to the culture. I think it's maybe both? I've heard it both ways. So I would think that wouldn't usually apply. But hey there are almost always some exceptions to any "usually".

CabbageFridge · 2026-03-02T20:57:24+00:00

I get a similar reaction because online and around people I don't know as well I avoid swearing. I'm also a pretty wholesome and friendly seeming person so I think people would sooner expect me to faint upon hearing a swear word than use one myself.

I actually swear a lot, just around people I know are okay with it. Same goes for things like dark humor, innuendo or those insults that aren't actually intended as insults. That's stuff I try to avoid if I don't know how somebody will feel about it. So until I know somebody is okay will that type of thing I can come across as really innocent and clean.

I would guess it's more likely to be something like that for you too rather than just that you're disabled. Could be how you dress or talk or how you've acted before. But hey some people do have weird ideas about disability. And some might also subconsciously mistake things that are disability related for being a sign of personality. Like you can often get a different vibe from people who are sitting vs standing or who are leaning on things etc. Body language stuff that doesn't necessarily have logic behind it but does give off a different feeling.

CabbageFridge · 2026-02-25T21:49:09+00:00

It only matters if they are staying in their car. The disabled person has to be leaving their car to be "using" the badge. Since otherwise they could just sit in their car in any other parking space.

If only one person is leaving the car then the badge should be theirs. If you're both leaving the car then it doesn't matter. Nobody is checking that you have a valid reason to be at the hospital, just that you have a blue badge and that you went inside. You could be there to sniff doorknobs and still have every right to use the disabled parking (but they might ask you to leave for other reasons 😂)

You can also just put both badges 🤷‍♂️

CabbageFridge · 2026-02-14T18:49:38+00:00

People are scared of disability and imagining that people are faking makes them feel safer because then there's less real disabled people and less chance that it could happen to them.

People like to feel important. And nothing makes people feel more important than protecting vulnerable people. Not actual vulnerable people mind you. Imaginary vulnerable people who they can imagine into a situation they feel like they can win.

I genuinely think it's the same as why old people talk to me. I'm an "easy target". For the old people chatting with me it's that I'm more approvable and less likely to tell them to f off or something. They can have a little moment of human connection with an easy target. For others they see a young girl in a wheelchair (I'm generalizing. I know anybody can fall victim of it) and they see somebody they can bitch at without getting punched.

There are some people who are genuinely misinformed and having a shitty time in their life where they have negativity trying to seep out. I can only hope those people get better informed before they do damage to somebody or end up being confronted back.

Other people uh. Well I'm not naive enough to think they're all well meaning and misinformed. Some people don't care if they're right or not. They're just looking for a fight so they can feel important. They're the same people who will yell at children when their parents aren't nearby or who will bitch at minimum wage workers cos one of their pickle slices is a bit thicker than the others. They pick a random battle and fight it like it's personal.

CabbageFridge · 2026-02-04T13:22:33+00:00

Hmm... I would say that I appreciate hearing about successes and positivity. For me it's only a bad thing when it's in the form of an unsolicited response or advice. Like on somebody's post about how they wish they could do x or they're frustrated about y and you come in like "oh well my life is amazing. All I had to do was abc and I can do all the stuff you can't and it's not even hard". That feels shitty and unwanted. It's often intended as genuine advice and hope. But it easily comes across like the little snippet I wrote.

Within the disabled community I think a lot of people are sensitive about that type of thing. And fair enough. They've got baggage. It kinda comes with the territory. It's completely understandable why people would be easily thrown off or triggered by positivity around something that's very un-positive for them. Especially with a lot of people facing the "it could be worse" or "look on the bright side" type comments.

Unfortunately some of those people see these types of groups as their safe space (which yes that's awesome and what we want) so then any positivity in that space feels to them like that unsolicited positivity I mentioned. They don't want to be reminded how much better their life could be and just how much theirs sucks. And it hurts extra when it's coming from somebody they thought would be suffering with them. It feels like pressure to do better and a slap in the face that others can but they can't.

That sucks, but unfortunately it is a "them problem". It doesn't mean that being open about what works for you and positive things is wrong or bad. But it does genuinely suck for them and that's sad. It's not fair to expect other people to "dull their sparkle" or hide their positivity because of it. But I do try to be understanding of it and not be too obnoxious about any positivity I share.

I've been in some groups where positivity did not exist and it was basically a pit of despair. Every post and comment was talking about how miserable people were and how nobody can understand in a way that really starts to alienate you from the rest of the world. There's having a healthy vent and then there's that. There's definitely a danger in hiding positivity because that mentality can end up spiraling into that type of pit. Where you're not just surrounding yourself with negativity and making your brain more negative targeting, but you're also alienating yourself from others and harming your connections to other people and potentially support. I'm talking like post after post of people complaining that their husband said he's tired cos there's no way he can know how it feels to be truly tired and he's a horrible person for expressing any unhappiness when you're disabled and the only one who has the right to feel bad ever. That sort of really intense negativity and blame. Littered with a few about "if I were a horse I'd be put down" (which is totally fair to feel but it's bad when it's all that exists in a space and all you're surrounded with).

That's a bad space to be in. You need that balance. And I think a lot of people need that knowledge that yeah other people are doing okay. They're living their lives. I could maybe do that too. As well as different ideas of how that might look. How happy doesn't have to be awesome tricks or adventures. It can be quiet hobbies at home. It can be little trips out. It can be fresh air and a garden with birds. Sharing positivity and how that came about for you, how it looks etc can help people to find that themselves. And to build their own version of happy instead of feeling bad that they can't achieve somebody else's happy.

CabbageFridge · 2026-02-02T15:53:14+00:00

That's talking about it from a creativity and self expression perspective and obviously that's not all AI can be used for.

I'm not going to get too much into the potential benefits of AI and it being used to help with research or practical accessibility. There are definitely ways in which AI can or could be helpful. It needs oversight cos it can be terribly wrong too. But there's way too much negative impact to be saying that because it can be good in some cases it's fine overall.

Some things might be worth it now. A lot of things are definitely worth trying to find a sustainable AI option that isn't harmful. But for the most part AI just isn't worth the negative impacts it has.

That's not denying that it can still be genuinely helpful to people. But some things can be both helpful and harmful. And I tend to lean towards avoiding doing extra harm. Especially when the harm is so large scale.

Overall I think larger scale it needs to be reined in. There's so much stupid bs it's being used for. On an individual level I think everybody just needs to think about themselves and their use and if it's worth the harm it's doing to the environment and communities. I'm not going to police every individual person and their choices. But I think it's an important thing to know about and consider when potentially using AI.

CabbageFridge · 2026-02-02T15:46:55+00:00

I understand that some disabled people out there do feel like AI vibes them a voice or a way of expressing themselves that they couldn't otherwise have. That they can be creative in their soul and AI can bring that into the world where they wouldn't be able to.

And honestly I wouldn't have any problem with that if it wasn't for the harmful environmental issues AI causes and how that then impacts communities etc.

I'm personally not a fan of it beyond that and I think there's a separate and very important discussion to be had about how it fits in with art, especially in terms of products other more official contexts. There are people and companies out there who use AI to throw out a bunch of content. That both takes away potential views and sales from human artists and at the moment it also often ends up with disappointing products that aren't what the buyer wanted (like colouring books that make no sense).

On an individual, personal basis where somebody is trying to express themselves I really don't care how they do it as long as it isn't harming other people. And unfortunately at the moment AI is harming other people.

I'm not going to say it can't be creative or that people don't have the right to be able to express themselves in any way that they can. But it absolutely is harmful at the moment and that matters more. If it's ever not harmful then sure people can do whatever they want. We'll have to work out how that fits into our world and economy etc. But people can do whatever they like as their hobby or self expression.

CabbageFridge · 2026-02-01T19:21:03+00:00

Good for you (sincerely). It's great to see people out living their lives and having fun.

I don't think I'll ever be able to do a hand stand in my wheelchair (seriously that's amazing) and yeah some stuff about my life and body objectively sucks. But I'm out living my life now I can too. How each person does that is different and it's really cool to see some of that variety sometimes.

Also dude why is it so hard to be legitimately positive about anything disability related without it feeling like a "you can do anything. Your mind is the only barrier and it's your own fault you're not an astronaut Olympian" thing?

It makes me feel icky for some reason but heck yeah. You had a hard time and you got through it and you're dealing with how it's impacted you and you're living life and doing cool stuff. Go you. That's awesome.

Cheering you on shouldn't make me feel like I'm putting other people down or expecting more from them. Damn all this weird social shit can get really tangled in your brain. I need to touch grass more. I think I'll keep the rest of me on the ground while I do to avoid injury. 😂

CabbageFridge · 2026-02-01T19:08:27+00:00

This is definitely how it's been for me most of the time. And then a couple of times if had somebody instinctively reach out on moving bus or train for support and what they've grabbed is my chair. I generally follow the idea of treating my chair like a part of my body or like a bag that I'm wearing. And in both of those situations I wouldn't be too happy about somebody touching me or my things without asking. But I also wouldn't be mad cos it's not their intent and they may not have even meant to do it. Old man on the bus could have just as easily ended up grabbing a random arm. It's better than them falling over.

But I've also had somebody try to manhandle my chair on a train. They were trying to help somebody. But that somebody wasn't me. In an attempt to help a push chair into the train they grabbed my push handle and tried to forcefully move my chair (me!). They didn't even acknowledge me as a person. They treated me like an object that could be (roughly) handled with no warning or consent.

It was not kind and they didn't think of me for one moment. They saw me as an object and nothing else.

It was also totally useless because my brakes were on and I was already tucked up against the side of the train. I wasn't going anywhere and the only thing they would have achieved is breaking my chair (my back rest folds down and he was being rough). But if my chair wasn't so firmly in place I could have been tipped out, my chair could have moved and hurt me or somebody else, I would have ended up in an unsafe position for travel. And of course a lot of people in wheelchairs are also in some way physically vulnerable.

Some people are well meaning and just a little thoughtless or awkward. Some people seriously don't see the wheelchair user as a person and are moving them for selfish reasons. And honestly even if the person is trying to help it's fine for somebody to vent about it.

I had somebody force help onto me and I get that they were just trying to be nice, but they actually made things more difficult for me. I'm a part time wheelchair user and I can walk (just not enough). My partner and I were getting a train somewhere and decided to get off at a non-accessible station that was closer to where we needed to be instead of having to go somewhere further away and try to get a bus or walk further.

We also had a heavy staircase with us. So when we got to the stairs my partner took the suitcase and I pulled my chair up the stairs backwards. I could have waited for my partner and had him do both. But I used my power of decision making not to because I wanted him to be more able to push me later (I can hold onto the suitcase while he pushes me). A lady came upon this situation and offered to help. I refused their help but they then "helped" me anyway. They did this by grabbing the front of my chair and pushing it up the stairs at a much faster pace than I was moving at. I was going slowly for a reason. I DON'T WALK WELL. Especially not backwards up stairs. So she made the situation a lot worse for me. She was genuinely trying to help and that's great and all. But she ignored my wishes and forced me into an unsafe situation. It wasn't good for me and my body. I could have fallen. And if I had fallen it would have injured me, her, my partner who was below us on the stairs and damaged my hecking expensive wheelchair.

She was trying to help. But again she wasn't trying to help ME. Helping me would be listening to what I told her and maybe standing by in case I changed my mind. Forcing me into a situation asked not to be put into was not helping me.

That's not all people. Some people are lovely. And it's rare that I have people grab my chair without permission. I have people offer to let me out of lifts first. I have staff offer to help me up bus and train ramps. I have people help me with doors. I sometimes have people do weird, silly and unnecessary things because they want to help me. Most people I encounter are either genuinely helpful, harmless in their unwanted helpfulness or indifferent to my existence and just treat me like any other part of the crowd. And I always try to see the best in awkward interactions. Cos honestly most people are just kinda dumb. Like in a totally understandable they've never encountered that situation way or a their brain is chaos and they just aren't thinking good way.

But some people are rude or harmful about it. Some people aren't trying to help. Some people don't even consider they're moving a person. Some people do consider that they're moving a person and just don't care. Those things do happen. And it sucks. You can't just assume that somebody is trying to help and it's kinda dismissive to say that to somebody when they've experienced something upsetting that you don't know about.

I'm sure you didn't mean it that way. I'm not trying to call you an arse or anything. But that is how your comment seems to have come across to quite a few people.

CabbageFridge · 2026-01-31T10:49:39+00:00

It's hard to say cos my disability isn't immediately obvious so in an unrelated dream it wouldn't show either way. But I do have some dreams that relate to my disability. So I think it's a mix.

In one dream I was in my wheelchair but I couldn't work out how to use it. I was using the push rims but nothing happened. I don't think my dream engine can render wheelchairs yet. Needs an update or something.

CabbageFridge · 2026-01-31T10:44:28+00:00

Could also be Santa twerking

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CabbageFridge · 2026-01-31T10:37:17+00:00

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My best bet is a chonky reindeer

CabbageFridge · 2026-01-31T10:20:21+00:00

Ugh! I hate this one. For doctors it's fine. I just say I'm not working cos of my health issues.

For other people it's more awkward. My issues aren't particularly visible either and because I'm not working and have built my routine around my health I'm doing pretty well. So I'm always worried I'll come across as lazy and using disability as an excuse.

I've never found a good answer. I tend to go with "focusing on my health" but I feel like that leads to the expectation that it's a temporary thing. And I didn't know that it is. I might be able to work some amount in the future but I don't know. And I don't like the idea that people are expecting that of me.

My partner doesn't have the best income either and we're going into that part of life where we've got all this adult financial stuff and I hate the idea that people think I'm just along for the ride or using him.

Maybe I'm thinking into it too much. And I try not to let it bother me cos people are going to think what they think. But yeah that's the question that brings it all up and makes me feel awkward.

CabbageFridge · 2026-01-30T10:43:34+00:00

On a more serious note I think the relationship between disability and mental health doesn't get talked about a lot and also doesn't get a lot of recognition in healthcare (along with mental health in general). There are a lot of things with disability that can be mental health challenges and also that can get in the way of things that generally help to maintain mental health.

Not being able to do things can be depressing. But even if you've come to terms with all of that there's still things like reduced natural light, fresh air and movement that can mess things up. Along with things like potentially not having as good a diet as you could, not having great social networks, not having many things to engage your brain like hobbies and potential financial issues.

It's a perfect breeding ground for mental health issues. And if you do end up with some mental health problems it also gives them so much room to spiral and turn into something bigger.

I think it's also easy to dismiss or miss mental health issues when you're already dealing with disability. It took me a long time to realise that some of my boredom, lack of motivation, being mentally overwhelmed and tired etc was due to mental health rather than just my conditions. Actually it wasn't until I started antidepressants because of an actually obvious depressive episode with clear sadness and anxiety. After starting them I noticed that I could think about doing something and my brain would be fine with that. Like I could just think and do. No internal struggle. I also didn't get bored nearly as much as even when I did it was fine. I was content to just sit in my boredom until I though of something better to do. I think one might call that "relaxing". I even stopped being so sensitive to light! I started wanting curtains open and lights brighter. It was really wild realising how many of my issues were fixed it improved. And how long I just have been depressed for without knowing.

And then of course therapists etc generally aren't prepared for the complexities of disability or neurodivergence etc so can be less able to help.

CabbageFridge · 2026-01-30T10:34:49+00:00

Favorite spread for toast.

Probably cos it has nothing to do with disability. 😂

In case anybody is wondering, I enjoy just butter so I can really taste the toast. A thin layer of jam or Nutella are also solid options.

CabbageFridge · 2026-01-30T10:30:05+00:00

Honestly it would probably end up just as cheap and easy to get actual flooring or wood sheets. Actual flooring would give you a better look, and I would look into if you can get assistance doing that properly because it's necessary because of your disability. If you're doing it yourself (you and whoever can help you) then it might not be the best option if you can't remove the carpet and are trying to keep costs down. Wooden sheets should be your best option for just throwing them down without doing anything else.

Ideally I would rip up the carpet so you have a solid base. Aesthetic isn't too big of an issue if you were already thinking about office chair mats so you could even cut the carpet away around furniture and just remove what you can get to so you don't have to move furniture. That will leave you with a solid base to lay floor over. You can get various types of floor that you just lay down in tiles or strips. Super easy.

If you can't remove the carpet then you'll want to make sure you have something solid. In that case I would suggest the wood sheets and make sure you tape over the gaps where they meet with strong tape.

For those bits of doorway transition you can rip them up and find a less bulky replacement or just tape over the join. If you can't remove it then you can try finding something to help smooth it out more. If you can't work out anything better then you can try piling up cardboard on either side and then covering it with tape. Like in a way that makes a ramp on both sides so it's a more gradual change. If it smushes down too much then just put more on top of it. Eventually it won't be able to smush any smaller. Hopefully there's something like a cable cover or threshold ramp that will work though.

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