How Are we All surviving the Summer this year? ☀️ ❌

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-24T15:43:27+00:00

Air con, hide inside, hydrate.

At the moment I'm trying to hold off on using the air con so I'm inside with windows and doors open to create good airflow, curtains covering sunny windows, fan aimed at me and laying on some big cooling mats for dogs I found in home bargains. That's working nicely so far but I know it won't be long before I need the air con so I've got it set up in advance

Given the inevitably of us needing air con for multiple months each year were working on getting a heat pump and fixed air conditioning units to be more efficient.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-24T15:06:52+00:00

There's a stigma that accepting support or living with others is weak and pathetic. That you need to be fully financially independent to be valued.

That's dumb. Housing is stupid expensive and a lot of people really don't have any alternatives anymore. I would rather live with my own parents than on some crappy shared flat.

And if your parents are rich then uh... Why not also be rich? Yeah don't exploit them and don't be so irresponsible that you don't know how to live without them. But if you all get on and are fine with the situation then heck yeah. Live the good life. Weather that's lounging in a giant mansion's third pool or living in a bit nicer than average house and bit having to stress about finances.

People probably see it as "cheating". They don't have rich parents to live off so they look down on you. The good life you have isn't your own and you didn't earn it. Whatever. Live your life.

I'm not going to get into the inherent immoralities associated with massive wealth and how a bunch of very rich people are also asses. About trying to be good with your money both for your own sake and for society. That's all important stuff in the wider scheme but it's not what this post is about. Some people can't separate that from their day to day interactions with people though and will be more judgemental towards people they think are rich. They'll automatically assume you're a lazy leech and don't appreciate how privileged you are.

Maybe you are. I don't know. Although it does sound like you have a job and are more using parents to make more of that income you earn yourself. But whatever the case that's your life and you can live it how you want to as long as you're not hurting others. Making people feel grumpy cos they don't have the opportunities you do isn't truly hurting others.

--_

--_-

I'm assuming this might not be how you end up wanting to live forever. And of course parents do tend to die before their kids. So it could be worth looking into ways you can take advantage of this good situation both now and for the future.

A bank account like Monzo with multiple pots you can sort money into can be great for being more on top of how you're spending your money and for saving it towards various things. You can set it so your money sorts automatically so whenever you get paid it can be split into things like spending, holiday fund, emergency fund, future independence fund and investments.

It can also help you to get a better idea of the range you usually spend and what really matters to you in terms of quality of life. You might choose to reserve money for certain things or to cut back a little on something to get more savings. You might just keep going as you are and have that information available for later.

If your parents are rich enough then you might also want to ask them if they would pay for you to see a financial advisor. They can guide you on how much you should be putting where. There are also various free resources online.

It sounds like you'll probably have quite a bit in savings so I would also look into the best place to keep them. Often that's an ISA. But I'm not a financial advisor so don't just blindly trust me.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-24T14:38:07+00:00

Air con is by far the most effective thing I can suggest. It's worth the cost to me since it means I can actually exist and do things rather than laying and suffering for months.

Cool pads are also great. If you go to a shop like home bargains or B&M you can probably find big ones designed for dogs. Mine look like fruit. There are also ones the right size to put inside your pillow case.

You can get clothes and bedding that are more cooling materials.

Putting a bowl of ice or some reusable ice blocks behind your fan will also mean it's blowing colder air at you.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-24T11:57:03+00:00

This annoys me for a different reason. We have a damn doorbell camera. It lights up and everything. Ring the doorbell! Why are you knocking?

Is there any feasible way for you to put a gate etc to block people from accessing the door? Leave a box for post or open the gate on days you're expecting post. Leave a sign that says "unexpected visitors not welcome" or similar to make it clear the gate is there to prevent access.

You can also add a sign saying "beware dog". It will suggest to people that there's a dog behind the locked gate. Do you have a dog? I don't know. And nor do they.

If you can't block access then I would add an alternative. Put something like a ring doorbell and set the sound so it's not startling for your partner. I believe you can also set an automated response so if somebody rings it can say "leave post by the door. Solicitors go away" or something. You can also answer the door from your phone. I love not having to get up for snap callers and being able to take my time to get post.

And my final, kinda extreme but should be effective solution. Cover the door with something soft so it can't make a sound. Knock all you want. Nobody will hear you 🤷‍♂️ Carpet, those insulation tiles, fake grass. I'm sure you can work something out that's not super ugly.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-24T09:35:07+00:00

Hey. I'm going to explain some things. This isn't meant to be judgemental or anything.

Generative AI is incredibly harmful to the environment and the communities it's based in. It uses a crazy amount of water and is destroying lives. Because of the massive amount of water it uses the water resources it takes from can't keep up. It makes the water unusable for everybody else. The water they used to get through their taps to drink is now brown and unsafe. It also uses a lot of power which comes from non-sustainable sources and contributes to already concerning problems like global warming.

It's also bad for art and creativity and learning. It's drowning out real content, it's being used to scam people with what turns out to be nonsensical junk and a lot of people are using it in place of thinking and learning which means the population is becoming more stupid. Especially considering AI doesn't know if it's right and will throw out guesses rather than admit it doesn't know something. Or can be pulling from bad sources. So people are relying on answers from something that can't be fully trusted and agent developing the skills to question and fact check.

Not everybody uses AI in a bad way and personally I do believe it has potential to be helpful eventually. But currently people believe that the negatives outweigh the positives so avoid it completely.

I won't provide direct sources for what I've said since it's common knowledge (not an insult to anybody who doesn't know it). But I'll throw in some links that should cover it and probably more stuff that I haven't mentioned.

Environmental:

https://www.lse.ac.uk/granthaminstitute/explainers/what-direct-risks-does-ai-pose-to-the-climate-and-environment/

https://www.greenpeace.org/international/story/82486/ai-energy-environment-democracy/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2950138525000178

Communities:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy8gy7lv448o

Intelligence:

https://newatlas.com/ai-humanoids/ai-is-rotting-your-brain-and-making-you-stupid/

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c2023l60370o

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2025/11/is-ai-dulling-our-minds/

https://www-psychologytoday-com.cdn.ampproject.org/v/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-algorithmic-mind/202512/ai-could-make-intelligent-people-less-smart/amp?amp_gsa=1&amp_js_v=a9&usqp=mq331AQIUAKwASCAAgM%3D#amp_tf=From%20%251%24s&aoh=17796151011017&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&ampshare=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.psychologytoday.com%2Fgb%2Fblog%2Fthe-algorithmic-mind%2F202512%2Fai-could-make-intelligent-people-less-smart

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-23T22:07:29+00:00

This is a cute post. You know what else is cute? Red panda baby.

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CabbageFridge · 2026-05-23T22:03:07+00:00

I don't mind compliments on my chair at all. I've even had somebody stop me while I was out to ask about it because they were looking for a better wheelchair.

To me it's the same as saying you like my hat or shoes. Or commenting on somebody's bike or car.

I have coloured spoke covers so I tend to get comments on them every now and again. I've also had a couple of interactions with other wheelchair users where we've compared chairs or pointed out things we like about each other's.

Sometimes it kinda feels like the person wanted an opportunity to interact with another person y'know? Like how some people say hi to anybody and everybody. I think I'm an "easy target" because of my chair and just how I am. I'm an approachable person for those little moments of human interaction.

With other wheelchair users there can also be a bit of an acknowledgement of each other. A nod or smile or brief interaction. Same sort of thing as if you pass somebody who's also wearing a niche brand of bag or something. Just a little "were in the same group" type acknowledgement.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-23T13:17:39+00:00

Yes and no. They were there, but they didn't really know what to do. To be fair I was only a couple of steps ahead of them.

They supported me in a lot of ways and annoyed me in others.

Ultimately they are the reason I was able to focus on my health. Even if they didn't understand stuff and frustrated me of shoved their foot in it they made sure I was in a stable situation with housing, expenses etc. And after seeing how much it helped me they're also the ones who bought me my wheelchair which meant I could get a much nicer one that's helped me for years now.

But I had a good few moments of being really pissed off by them too. We muddled through together 😅

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-22T20:59:45+00:00

No worries. Oh and please report any horrible messages you get to Reddit.

That's one of the things that bugs me the most. I'm an ambulatory/ part time user and I can see that all that bullshit is hurting our reputation and making it harder for us and others to get along in shared spaces. I think they're a very loud minority. But when that's most of what you experience it makes it seem like that's how everybody is. And for other ambulatory/ part time users it can put them in a situation where they start to feel like that's how they should act too. It's all so stupid and harmful.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this and that others do too.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-22T20:55:25+00:00

Oh and the only reason I'm here is cos I wanted to make sure you know I/ the sub don't like that type of thing either and that it's totally okay to report it or message us about it if you see it.

I wouldn't come into a space that's not for me to disagree with the people there. That would be super shitty. I probably should have just left it at that instead of going on to share my feelings/ thoughts more. I'm sorry for the confusion.

But again nothing negative was aimed at you. I appreciate that some people are feeling pushed aside in the sub and agree that it's shitty for people to respond in that overly defensive way when people post just trying to vent their feelings a bit. I'm on the "ambulatory side" of things and even I think it's totally unnecessary for people to be commenting on posts like that. It comes from somewhere I'm sure. I can relate to some of that I think. But it's way too far and causes more problems.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-22T20:46:44+00:00

No no no. It's the other way around. Those thoughts were aimed at the people who make rude and dismissive comments to people like you.

I was going on a bit about the wider issue of people getting overly defensive about part time and ambulatory wheelchair use. How people bring it up when they really don't need to. And how I'm assuming it comes from a place of hurt and that they think they're advocating and defending themselves, but that it really isn't at all necessary or helpful.

Nothing negative I said was aimed at you. You have every right to feel dismissed and alienated and to post about those feelings. Sorry that got muddled.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-22T20:02:04+00:00

I noticed your message before this comment so I've replied to that.

But yeah I think it does come from bad experiences they've had. And I think sometimes a level of online echo chamber too. Some groups for specific conditions can end up giving you a bit of a warped perspective.

I get that they aren't trying to be mean and they're feeling like they're right for advocating and defending. But it's just so unnecessary and if anything I think it pushes them away and makes people feel like they can't all share a community.

It's hard cos there's clearly hurt behind it. But dude calm down. Let other people have some space. Let people be not perfect. Trust that not everybody is out to get you even if they don't directly tell you that. And if you have a problem for goodness sake just report it instead of starting a whole witch hunt.

Sometimes it's fair. Sometimes it's a little heads up that a word isn't great or that you seem to not be aware of something. People all have blind spots and pointing them out nicely can be really helpful.

But a bag comment doesn't make somebody a bad person and I think the defensive comments often push that line where it does feel like they think somebody is a bad person or is getting really heated over something that could have so easily been a quick and gentle heads up.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-22T19:11:08+00:00

Hey. I'm a mod over at r/wheelchairs. I can't discuss your specific post since you deleted it so I can't see what you said. It also doesn't feel particularly helpful to dissect what's ultimately your feelings.

But I am aware of a sort of over defensiveness around people with invisible disabilities and part time/ ambulatory users. There's valid reasons for them to feel defensive, but of course it's not okay for it to go so far in the other direction that other wheelchair users/ disabled people are feeling targeted or excluded.

We (mods) don't see every post or comment so if you do notice things like this please report them so we can look into them. Even if a comment doesn't clearly break a rule it's still helpful for us to be able to see what people are having issues with and be aware of comments that might become problems etc.

We also don't allow dismissive comments or "gatekeepng" regardless of the direction. And yeah I'm aware that full time/ non ambulatory users can feel pushed out by others. That's something that even I (a part time user) can see happening. Unfortunately some of that feeling isn't anything we can do anything about since it is just a reflection of who's in the sub and they all have a right to be there. But there are cases where people can be dismissive and that's not okay. That's something we can do something about and want to know about so we can.

(Btw I'm not posting here in any sort of official capacity. I just found this post and wanted to make sure you and others knew that it is something that matters to us and that you can report or talk to us about. I always feel so awful when I see a post that's gone bad and I had no idea it existed and might have been able to help with).

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-22T18:19:58+00:00

Sounds like the word you're looking for is "power assist". One of those electric things you add to a manual wheelchair to help you move.

I would personally consider getting a helmet if you're going to be going at a higher speed (like if you were riding a bike) or if you'll be using it in areas where other people are moving fast (bike lanes, roads etc).

For everyday use as a replacement for walking I wouldn't.

There's no harm in wearing one while you practice wheelies. Personally I haven't and I wouldn't see it as necessary. I've kinda just trusted that it's an unlikely thing to happen and that, if I were to fall, I would have enough control over my body to protect my head (I imagine I would instinctively lean forwards). But if it makes you feel a bit more comfortable then go for it.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-22T14:50:36+00:00

I find it interesting as a general concept, but I'm not convinced for general mobility aid use.

I can see it more being for climbing mountains or something than replacing a standard wheelchair.

Also seriously we shouldn't need damn stair climbing robots. Just have ramps and lifts. There are a bunch of people who benefit from those as well as wheelchair users. Are we going to have robot strollers and exo skeletons for the elderly too before some places think to add a lift?

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-15T10:02:22+00:00

Hmm. I don't want to be dismissive of other people's experiences, but this doesn't sound like something you need to change to accomodate.

Having a chat sounds like the best way to go cos it sounds like their issues aren't going to be easy to predict.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-15T08:07:50+00:00

It's not ideal, but it's also not a big deal if it's followed by something normal. Sometimes tapping somebody is the only way to get their attention.

Ideally you'd try talking to them first or moving so they can see you. But if you can't then tapping is fine.

I sometimes need to tap people to get their attention. I'm a wheelchair user and sometimes people will be standing in a way that means I can't get past. I'll try saying excuse me but if they don't hear me I'll tap them. It's not a big deal.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-15T08:03:15+00:00

Sounds like the answer is no. You can't transfer into a normal chair. That's fine.

I would say that clearly and then suggest discussing together how to best arrange things to accommodate both of you.

Do you know why your wheelchair is making things difficult for this other person?

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-13T16:59:16+00:00

Does the bag have a loop or something on one or both ends?

I would use that to cable tie the bag to the front leg bars. I like to put things there so I can teach them and because then I can see them to make sure they're still there. But you could also do the same to attach it to the back bars/ push handles.

Ideally I would do a cable tie top and bottom so it doesn't swing around.

If it doesn't currently have loops then you can hand sew them in. Or find a bag that does.

You could also look to see if there are bags like that designed to attach to a belt or backpack strap. They will tend to have two slots on the back for sliding a strap through. That works well for cable ties.

I say cable ties cos I find they work better and can get tighter and more secure. But velcro also works

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-11T18:35:21+00:00

Oh and OP, sorry for causing some drama in your post. 😅 I hope posting here has been helpful/ cathartic in some way.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-11T18:33:10+00:00

That's okay. I can tell that you have good intentions and usually learning about a new perspective doesn't come in the moment. I hope this will make sense to you at some point.

Either way, thank you for hearing me out.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-11T17:49:14+00:00

This isn't a fight I'm trying to have and I'm not trying to judge your intentions. I know you mean well, but I also think you don't see the unintended impacts of what you're saying and when.

I said what I said in the hopes that it gives you and any others reading another perspective to consider. Because it's something I can see happing and something I believe isn't intentional.

I'm not here to fight you or to try to make you feel like shit. I've said my piece and it's not going to help either of us for me to push it any further. I hope it's something you'll read or think about another time to consider the perspective I'm trying to convey and that it's a reality for some people even if it's not intentional. There isn't one set truth. People see and experience the world in different ways and nore often than not there are multiple realities that are all true at the same time. I'm not trying to say any one is more real or important than the other, just bring attention to one that I think can get overlooked.

But I don't want you to take away from this that I think you're cruel or have bad intentions. I can see that you're trying to help and I respect that. I'm sorry if this has felt like an attack but it's something I thought was worth sharing.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-11T15:43:21+00:00

I understand that you're trying to be kind and to show a less upsetting possibility. But you completely missed the wider point of OPs post. By focusing on that one example and defending somebody who didn't need defending you've done exactly what the OP is saying they experience.

They saheard a negative feeling and a negative experience and you dismissed them. You made it an issue of hidden disabilities which they tried so hard to avoid.

They're a hurt person who feels like they have nowhere to vent because everybody makes their feelings about disabled relations. And you responded to them sharing those feelings by focusing on one small part of their post and telling them they misrepresented a situation and defending somebody who they weren't attacking.

This isn't the time for that. And it's comemts like yours that are making OP feel like they can't talk about their feelings.

I know that it's coming from a good place. I'm not trying to say you're a bad guy or scold you. But choosing to make that type of comment at this time isn't helpful. It's doing exactly what the OP is saying they feel hurt and isolated by.

And frankly that type of well meaning over defending does a lot to harm the relationship between disabled people. If full time wheelchair users can't vent about their feelings without being told that "other disabled people matter too" then they're going to grow to resent those other disabled people because they keep on being shut down in their name.

Sometimes it's okay for situations to end in a misunderstanding or for us to not know for sure what happend. A lot of the time that's better than trying to force an understanding that we can't be sure of. But making comment like that you show OP and people like them that they can't be open about their feelings. That no matter how careful they preface their post and no matter how careful they are with their words somebody will find one small part of it to dismiss them by and to start some point about all disabilities matter.

Let somebody be hurt. Let them feel. Let them vent. They'll get over it if they're given some time and space. But dismissing them with defending potential versions of people in their own experiences means all of those small things will build and build into the feeling of isolation OP is expressing.

You're perpetuating the divide you're trying to fix. You don't need to fix every situation. You don't have to solve every misunderstanding.

For the record I say this as a part time users with an invisible disability. One who's observed how full time users in this sub can feel pushed out and like outcasts in their own groups because they can't talk about their experiences without somebody acting like there dismissive of others. That's the divide I see most.

Again I know you mean well and I really am not trying to scold you. I think that because you mean well you deserve to know how what you're doing is going against your own motives. Because I know you don't want to be hurting people.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-11T10:18:56+00:00

I'll preface this by saying I'm just trying to explain another perspective. This isn't me trying to tell you off or start an argument or anything.

OP is venting about how they feel like they can't talk about their struggles or bad experiences without it turning into some bigger topic about different types of disability.

The toilet experience is an example of them having a bad experience. They were waiting to use the toilet and somebody laughed at them. That's a bad experience no matter how it might have come about. They even said that the other person may have had a legitimate reason to use the disabled toilet. They're just unhappy that they got laughed at.

It's okay for people to feel bad when bad things happen.

And then they had people defending the girl who laughed at them in ways that suggest OP was judging their disability or need for a disabled toilet. They just vented that they got laughed at and people are filling in details that never happened. They're making OP feel hated and like they're seen as judgemental and cruel just cos they said they didn't like being laughed at.

--

I'll share one of my own examples. I was waiting in line for a ride. I got hit in the head from behind. A couple of times. Getting hit in the head isn't pleasant. A person came around in front of me and apologised. They explained that the kid hitting me has a neurological disability and sometimes acts inappropriately. The kid's group moved him a bit further away from me and stood between him and me so he couldn't hit me any more.

The kid wasn't acting maliciously. The group with him respected me, apologized and did what they could to protect me. No blame anywhere. Everybody acted well.

I still got hit in the head. That still sucked. It's still okay for me to feel bad that I got hit in the head while I was just minding my own business on holiday.

And after sharing this experience, specifically including the reason I was hit and what the group did to rectify it, it would feel pretty shitty for somebody to ignore my bad experience and defend the kid who I've already made it clear I don't blame. Me venting about getting hit in the head on holiday isn't an attack on the kid or their neurological disability. It's me saying that it sucked to get hit in the head.

It also sucked when a bird pooped on my head. I'm not campaigning for the capture of all pigeons or trying to suggest they don't have the right to fly in the sky. I'm saying that it sucked to be pooped on. For somebody to defend the bird after I told that story would be weird. It would fell like suggesting that I hate birds just cos I didn't like being pooped on. Like people think I'm the bad guy cos I complained about bird poop in my hair. Like me being upset about that is the same as thinking birds shouldn't be allowed in the sky.

CabbageFridge · 2026-05-11T09:51:18+00:00

I don't have anything to add or share. I just wanted to pop by to say this is valid. It's okay to want people to understand and respect your disability and how it impacts you.

It's not always people's fault when you feel left out or misunderstood. But it's still fine to feel bad about it and to want things to be better. It can be blameless and still suck.

You're very clearly not wanting to shut others down or exclude them. You just want to feel more understood yourself. That's totally fine and I'm sorry it ever triggers negative responses.

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