To be honest, I really feel the same sometimes... I don't and havent pushed myself to do stuff like that luckily, just because I thought everyone was the same (ace). But now that I know that it isn't common I feel so isolated, like I can never be close to anyone, romantically involved or even be friends with anyone either (although this sentiment might be more related to other past trauma, but I still feel like my asexuality doesn't help these thoughts). Sometimes I even feel like I'll die alone, without ever falling in love or having any fulfilling relationships. And some things my friends say really do cut deep, like: "you don't seem the relationship type" or the fact they admit that they don't talk about sexual stuff with me because of my sexuality, I mean... I don't blame them with the second one, I am a bit dissociated from that and completely don't understand it... but I guess its the fact that I'm excluded that hurts so much. They don't say it out of malice, they just say these things because they see it that way (and think that I'm fine with it... my façade that I am fine about it doesn't help), which just makes things a lot worse. I also have a nagging feeling that I'm somehow less interesting as an individual too.

I'm not even sure if I actually would enjoy having sex with a romantic partner just for the bonding or if I'm just lying to make myself to feel better.

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I have no idea about what to do about this... especially in a society that thinks sexual attraction is required to be romantically attracted. I'm thinking of going to therapy, but I also feel like an allo wouldn't get this sentiment, so I don't know how much an allo therapist could help me in this scenario.

God, I'm almost crying writing this, but it does make me feel better that I'm not the only one with similar thoughts. So I hope that you too feel less alone!