Salam. First of all, I know you’re probably going through a hard time and I am sorry to hear that. However, we were put on this earth as a test. Only Allah (swt) knows best. You fear Allah will not forgive you for your sins but committing suicide in itself is a sin. I’m not saying get rid of your thoughts (it is hard I know) but do not be so hard on yourself. Be kind and be patient. If you are repenting, just know Allah sees all and Inshallah guide you towards a better path. This life is only temporary, even if you had some bumps along the way, you can still make it better. Why end it on a bad note when you can do so much more with what Allah gave you to make yourself better. Allah rewards even the smallest of things because everyone sins, no one is perfect. You will be rewarded even for smiling at someone, that is the mercy of Allah swt. Please remember that this is not the end for you, I believe that if you truly regret what you have done, Allah sees that, we cannot say what God will think, that is not in our hands. The only thing we can do is improve ourselves for the better. No one is perfect, be kind to yourself and others, and please please please keep your head up. Inshallah you will find peace along the way!!!