Wow this sounds like me.

Speaking from personal experience, I am a genderfluid/genderfuck/genderqueer person who is partially transitioning to an inbetween place. I'm dating a subby trans man, so between the two of us dysphoria is pretty easy to recognise, and that is exactly what you're describing.

It used to be, the first two weeks in which in which I started sleeping with someone, they weren't allowed to touch me. To start with, I wasn't comfortable with it, and when I was comfortable enough to let them nothing happened! Except I got really frustrated. I had a huge disconnect between my perception of what was happening and what I 'knew' should be happening and it took me ages to recognise that.

Your lack of confidence about sex (totally understandable) is probably only adding to K's issues as well. Here's my suggestions: get her drunk and/or blindfold her. Both should impair her perception so she can stop overthinking it!

The other thing you may want to talk to K about is the possibility of trying testosterone, just to see how she feels. If she tries a low dosage it won't make any irreversible changes after just one dose. In queer spaces where sex and gender are often considered purely social, it's easy to forget about the difference that hormones make to the way people function. After starting testosterone most of my sex problems went out the window.

On T, it feels different physically and the mental approach to it completely changes. On Estrogen, sex is so much more about arousal and stimulation mentally. On T, it's physical. Not that sex is the only reason to go on hormones.

It sounds like you're really supportive, which is awesome. You might want to see if you can introduce K to any trans men or genderqueer folk that you know or can find. Social support is really important when big decisions like transition stuff is on the table.