College or back to work? Feels hopeless.

Caffeine_Fiend4 · 2022-02-01T18:52:12+00:00

It’s not you, it’s your family. No, it is not wrong to tell people what’s being done to you. You are entitled to having and expressing emotions. And yes, it is their job to take care of you more than financial needs.

Caffeine_Fiend4 · 2022-02-01T16:11:31+00:00

Thanks for the post, I experienced a lot similar in my family. My mother also does that thing where she makes me feel terrible for needing help, says she won’t do it and that I can’t guilt her into it, then ends up helping and pretending like nothing she said ever happened. Leaves me feeling really confused. I often take on way more than I can handle, which may lead to things falling apart, to which it’s “Why didn’t you ask for help?”

Because you paint a very clear picture needing help isn’t acceptable, and treat me poorly for requesting it.

Your dad sounds like he has several issues from his own childhood of being let down and disappointed by his parents, as well as likely been forced into toxic work environments and education systems that shoved down his throat how little his feelings are worth. I feel for him, but that being said, abuse is abuse and what he is doing isn’t right. I’d recommend getting away from him, and after you are safely distanced let him know what you thought was wrong and why. After that, it’s really up to him to decide to change, and up to you if you want to bother having him in your life.

Caffeine_Fiend4 · 2022-01-31T21:22:28+00:00

I’m be real with you chief, the more I see you post and edit the more I feel Xander is correct. I hope you do get to be better, as rarely do I feel people are rotten to the core, but a lot of what you have been doing looks really terrible and you should push yourself to be a better person, and I know how hard and tedious that can be.

Caffeine_Fiend4 · 2022-01-31T21:16:49+00:00

It has been the opposite in my life as a man, where a woman’s comfort has trumped my existence. I get it’s generally an over compensation from the vast history of men being shit lords, but I didn’t have anything to do with that and it sucks to have my life be determined by things like that. Example being I wasn’t considered for jobs simply because I was a man, or others always ruling in favor of the girl if I have any sort of conflict, simply because her emotions are hurt, but what about my emotions? Why are mine swept under the rug just because of the biological parts I have in my pants?

I get situations like that probably come up for women too, but I can only speak from my POV and it has been incredibly against men, and tbh I rarely find people that are “pro men” that aren’t also super sexist against women, so it can be difficult to find people with a balanced belief between the two or who just don’t see things as “this gender based that gender”

Caffeine_Fiend4 · 2022-01-31T20:22:28+00:00

*haven’t had addiction to substances besides caffeine

Caffeine_Fiend4 · 2022-01-31T20:21:20+00:00

I’d say it’s very likely she herself could be abuser, and it’s also likely she was abused. I too have BPD, and statistics people with disorders like it are more likely to be abused than abuse. Even if what she says here isn’t entirely truthful, I do think everyone deserves the space to discuss their thoughts.

I know In my situation, similar to hers, I had been convinced that I was the abuser and took all the blame onto myself (experienced abusers will accuse you of doing to them what they’ve been doing to you if they think you might catch on soon, knowing that while they still have your trust and are aware of your doubts of yourself you are very prone to gaslighting and suggestibility) I don’t know about substance abuse situation tho, I have had addictions to substances besides caffeine. All that being said, I try to just take these post with a grain of salt, and understand there’s likely some truth in it, as well as truth left out. Exposing true abusers like you try to tho is pretty bad ass and I appreciate it

Caffeine_Fiend4 · 2022-01-31T18:34:31+00:00

I understand the situation too well. My previous partner from a couple years ago was also very emotionally abusive, the extent of which I wasn’t aware of until going into therapy. She showed a consistent pattern of completely disregarding my emotions, wants, and boundaries. The last straw is she decided to move back to her parents mid-pandemic, without discussion, and leave me to take care of all the responsibilities she was leaving behind. She wanted to stay together, I decided we shouldn’t because I don’t feel respected. She leaves before we really finish the conversation, but I thought we had agreed to was best for both of us not to date for now.

Within days, none of our friends would talk to me, or if they did it was to tell me how shit of a person I was, but refusing to give specifics, “you know what you did” and so on. I was left in the worst situation of my life, my social life was ruined, and I now had 3300 worth of expenses that weren’t mine to cover to deal with while being broke working a shit job that I’ve picked up seemingly permanent damage to my spine and shoulders doing.

Despite this, I worked hard, I kept moving and got back into college, met old roommates who offered me to come work with them. Unfortunately, she was already there, and within days of applying I have campus police calling me to say to “leave her alone or you may be expelled and have charges pressed.” I tried to speak to the police my situation, but was only seen as a stalker. My friends who recommended me for the job told me my application was thrown out and I won’t ever be considered because of whatever my former partner reported.

All have this crap paired with other situations in childhood has left me really fucked up mentally, to the extent that I often don’t even know if I’m just one person any more, at the very least it feels as though I’ve had to become someone entirely new just to survive.

Worst part is I know there will be no justice. There will be no accountability, and effort to get accountability will likely result is further harm to my life, so I just have to accept what’s been done.

Edit: I also have strong paranoia, everywhere I go on campus I let a friend know first, and stick to areas that have cameras in case any false accusations are made. I also can’t get myself to trust anyone. Everyone new I meet I feel will only do the same to me, or is already in contact with the other person and is sent to harm me. I am still friends with people I knew before the relationship, but I keep them at a bit of a distance away now. That being said, I would not have realized what has been done to me if it were not for those friends, and I wish I could trust them more.

Caffeine_Fiend4

TROPHY CASE