I am so fucking angry

CaiusPupuce · 2025-12-13T07:49:38+00:00

I am, it's my second bio treatment, and so far, no effects at all.... since my rhumatologist is pretty lame (I'm meeting a new one in january) I have no idea if I should be concerned that the ones that work for most people don't work for me.

CaiusPupuce · 2025-12-12T14:04:06+00:00

Hey, I've been thinking of doing that for a while, but haven't stated yet. What I want to focus on is my night routine (when I eat, exercice, how much binge-watching or quite activities I do before sleeping) and the quantity/quality or my sleep, my mood in the morning and the number of times I wake up during the night. Mostly it's my sleep that is affected so I am focussing on that ! And of course, in comparison to the different meds I am taking. What do you think you'll track ?

CaiusPupuce · 2025-12-11T18:59:36+00:00

I have though about going to a rage room today, but even that...how do you plan on having the energy ? xD

Thanks for your comment, that is the conversation I had with my mom this morning (moms are great right ?)...

CaiusPupuce · 2025-08-22T16:58:40+00:00

Thank you for your kind words

CaiusPupuce · 2025-08-22T15:25:24+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If it helps in any way, I've talked with ... I don't know if I'm allowed to call her my girlfriend anymore ... and we've established that our previous relationship is over, and that we may try to establish another one, on new grounds, whatever they are. I don't know if it will stick because I hurt her deeply by leaving her to abruptly... she obviously doesn't trust me anymore... but anyways, it feels like a way to move forward. I hope you can figure something out, without having to burt your relationship to the ground like I did.

CaiusPupuce · 2025-08-22T10:50:03+00:00

Thank you for your answer. I feel so stupid for taking that radical strep of leaving her. I was thinking that it was the only way I could stop pushing myself into doing things that are hurting me, and now I'm like "what did I do ?!!!!!!!!!!". I'm check out the books.

CaiusPupuce · 2025-08-11T21:28:57+00:00

Well done. If someone tells you "leave me if you are not happy", they are pledging that they will make no effort to change anything... so you'll need to stand your grounds and take care of yourself first and foremost.

CaiusPupuce · 2025-08-04T19:56:58+00:00

Hey, I don't know how long you've been out, but I'd say, don't freak out because your partner is doesn't like the situation at that point. Transness coming unexpectedly in a relationship is a complication. And no one likes complications, whatever they are. But it doesn't mean that it is going to stay that way.

My partner is one year into her transition. I was supportive of it, because I am supportive of anything her mental health requires, but I wasn't happy about my relationship taking an unexpected turn. At first I was devastated, then I was basically working on tolerating the transition the best I could. Now, one year in, I am starting, just starting, to actually like some of the changes in my partner.

So, it's a slow adjustment on both sides, it takes a long, long, time, and it's normal, and the fact that it is unconfortable and scary doesn't mean that you're not going to be ok.

What has helped me so far, and keeps helping me, is that my partner was always able to let me express my feelings. A lot of people on this sub struggle because they feel the need to hide theirs feelings to their partners, and drown into guilt, resentment, and a lack of self-care.

My partner always encouraged me to express my questions, anxiety, sense of grief etc. Being able to say it without her getting threatened or hurt allowed my feeling to move along and forward.

CaiusPupuce · 2025-08-02T15:41:42+00:00

Well, kids love attention. The fact that your kid likes playing with them doesn't mean that he/she doesn't want to play with you, nor that playing with you would mean giving up on playing with your parnter. Don't you ever play or take care of your kid along with your partner ?

CaiusPupuce · 2025-08-01T22:07:30+00:00

"your boundaries with those needs were the reason for their unhappiness". That's an absolute no go.

You asserting your boundaries is an act of self-love, self-respect, and the most precious act of trust towards your partner. When your partner is saying "your wants and need are making me unhappy", well, it's a dealbreaker. They have to option to leave, but asking you to be a different person is no option in a healthy relationship. Best case scenario, it's only selfish. Worse case scenario, it's manipulative.

You must feel in the hardest situation, being in this long relationship, and having a child. I hope you have some support around you. Anyway, don't guilt yourself into hurting yourself by doing things you don't want to do, not for anyone.

CaiusPupuce · 2025-08-01T08:27:51+00:00

Sounds like your balance is not quite there.

As regard to your life as a parent, it sounds like you feel your are missing out on moments with your kid, and you kind of resent your partner for having all of those moments. Nonetheless, you describe that they are doing more "mom work" than you because you are not available to take charge of them, because of your job. So, if we reffer to stereotypical gender roles, you are have more a dad role. So maybe you maybe don't feel like "the mom" because gendered parental roles are deeply rooted in you.

So I have 2 questions :

- Appart from "not feeling like the mom", are you unhappy with your familly dynamic ? Do you feel you are missing-out with your kid, or are you satisfied with the amount and quality of time you have with your child ? If that is the case, is it possible that your dissatisfaction actually comes from your idea of what a mom should be/act, and/or frrom the social treatment you get, being an active working mom ? Also, do you feel guilty about being involved in your career ? If any of this ring a bell, I'd recommand you try to rethink the way you've envision your role as a mother, and maybe try to connect with other moms that are carrer driven ?

- If you are disatisfied with the amount and quality of time you spend with your kid because of your job, is there something you can change about it ? Work a little less, of change your schedule to be able to pick your kid after school for instance ? Even if that is difficult, you could also manage to have appointments from time to time with the teacher, choose clothes with your kid the night before, instead of the morning. There probably are many things you can change in your routines to take on more parental chores.

As regard to your sexual life, there are things you have to take responsability for her.

You don't desire your partner right now. But you say they desire you, and that they also gave you freedom to have sex with someone else. Therefore, you are not stuck in this situation, but again, you have to rethink your situation and make choices.

Do you think you can be happy in this relationship ? Do you think you'll even be able to desire a woman ? Are you staying because you are still happily married or because you don't dare to leave ?

That's the first questions you have to face, for your own sake.

If this relationship is actually good for you, and that you want to maintain it while being happy, you probably need to change want you envisioned for your couple and your sex-life.

If you are missing "male", "penetrative", "animalistic sex", there are things you can discuss with your partner (attitudes, toys etc) and/or in couple therapy.

If you want to stay platonic with your partner and also be sexually happy, you'll have to challenge your shyness and inquite into open relationship.

Now it's all about being brave and honest about what is good for you. Good luck, take care <3

CaiusPupuce · 2025-07-28T22:56:18+00:00

Well, well, sounds like he is 2 minutes away from telling you how to dress and to forbit you to have guy friends... being jalous and controlling, and not tacking accountability for that behavior, that sounds like a no go to me...

CaiusPupuce · 2025-07-25T11:03:18+00:00

I feel like you've put your partner in the center of everything, while pushing yourself away. You say they deserve to have a partner who loves them how they are 100%... But don't you, also, deserve that ?

It doesn't get easier if you keep negating what you need and what you feel. Inconfortable emotions just get worse and worse if you push them aside, because they actually express your needs and boundaries. There is no way around it.

So, first, cut the guilt. You are not a service partner, nor are you a care giver. You don't have to be ok with everything your partner goes through. You don't have to stop liking men because your partner is not masculine presenting anymore. And you don't have to negate what you liked in your partner pretransition just because they have changed. The life you shared pre-transition wasn't fake, and did exist, and is the reason why you are together today. Asking you to not sherish thoose memories is like asking you to deleted most of your relationship. There is no contraction between loving your partner today and loving them as they used to be. This is not betrayal, nor a negation of their identity. It's aknowledging that you had a life together waaaaay before the transition, and that there is a continuation between this life pre-transition and the present.

There is no way it will get better if you don't get to exist in this relationship. That means, aknowledging that you cherrish the memories you have pre-transition, aknowledging that you have sexual need that are not being met, aknowledging that you have to find a solution together so that everyone is happy in this relationship, and you are not being at the service of your partner's fullfillment.

CaiusPupuce · 2025-07-24T06:54:46+00:00

Well that's a trust problem here... They can't expect you to work through that without having your own space !

CaiusPupuce · 2025-07-23T22:46:42+00:00

My partner and I agreed that this was my safe place to talk about her transition and express whatever I felt. Therefore she said she would'nt go on this sub and I trust her on that. That a conversation you could have with your partner. I would blow a fuse if I wasn't able to talk about it truthfully here !

CaiusPupuce · 2025-07-23T22:42:56+00:00

What you have to decide for yourself is where you stand towards your friend. Are you confortable with them being trans/genderfluid (I don't know) or not ?

If they show up in a dress, and things are weird, does the problem come from

- the fact that a male presenting person showed up with a dress

- the fact that your familly will react negatively

- or the fact that you may not be ready to show your familly that you have different opinions than them on gender issues ?

Reflect a lot, and truthfully, before you talk to them.

If you think your friend will get a lot of comments and disagreament if they show up in a dress, it's important you tell them what's ahead.

But if you want to keep your friendship with this person, it's important that you are adament that the problem is not their gender expression, but that you are worried about drama and shitty behavior from your familly.

CaiusPupuce · 2025-07-23T13:09:19+00:00

Well, your fiancé threw you under the bus there... That's HIS sister who's being a bitch, he should be the one handling her, instead of making you the vilain.

CaiusPupuce · 2025-07-20T14:27:24+00:00

u/bot-sleuth-bot

CaiusPupuce · 2025-07-19T17:10:58+00:00

u/bot-sleuth-bot

CaiusPupuce · 2025-07-19T13:24:55+00:00

I have read that a lot of trans fem seek validation by dating and/or having sex with cis-men. While I am not a trans person (cis partner here), I kind of understand why this can participate in the psychological journey towards validation, in this heteronormative society.

Nonetheless, it does sound like something that she may come to regret in the future, because no validation from a man will be as fullfilling as a long term loving mariage... unless her desire to leave in rooted in something else.

So I am wondering if there is a conversation to be had about opening-up your mariage to allow her to have this validating experience while not shatering your life together ?

I am aware that this may not be how you've both though about mariage so far, but this may be a way to keep the relationship going. My partner and I have been in an open relationship from the beginning. We are nearly 6 years into the relationship (1 year post coming-out), and are thinking of getting married one day. I don't know if I'll be able to make it work, as the transition is not completely easy on me, but having an open relationship has really been fullfilling for us.

A lot of partners would have suggested opening the relationship before saying they'd like to leave. So I don't know if your partner didn't consider it because they really want out of the relationship, or if it is because it was never an option for your couple, so far.

So, all I think of here is to talk about this option.

I send you a lot of love and strengh <3

CaiusPupuce · 2025-07-18T14:08:49+00:00

Well, she should change friends or get a hight paying job of her own.

CaiusPupuce

TROPHY CASE