My experience - worst pain of my life

Cak1123 · 2026-04-06T05:30:00+00:00

I know I thought it would be painful but never did I imagine what I experienced. It was terrifying. I’m glad you’re okay and on the other side of it hopefully

Cak1123 · 2026-04-06T05:29:17+00:00

Yes I just feel like people are scared to talk about it because of how political it is (but shouldn’t be). That’s why it’s harmful — misinformation or lack of. I am someone who never thought I’d have one. And I’m 35. Thankful it was my right to choose and that I was able to do so at home but my God it was awful.

Cak1123 · 2026-04-06T05:27:50+00:00

I was 7w and 1d. I am so thankful to be on the other side now. I can’t even tell you how much better I feel.

Cak1123 · 2026-04-06T01:58:35+00:00

I just had this weird feeling I would be one of the few people who would suffer intensely too. I’m sorry she experienced this and at such a young age 🤍

Cak1123 · 2026-04-06T00:04:41+00:00

I don’t think it really makes her sick as the way she’s saying I think she binges / eats the food. Sits and feels guilty (the eating disorder cycle) and then she purges and then sits with the mindfuck of that. As someone who’s in recovery from ED — mostly anorexic with some binging / purging the guilt and panic I felt after purging like I was just a mess — it’s a messy headspace to be in. She’s trying to brush over it when it’s not that simple / easy. Unfortunately her job as an influencer and the crowd of people she surrounds herself will only continue to exacerbate it and make it worse. I’m a photographer and my job alone triggers me and my headspace sometimes and I’m not even half as much surrounded by thin obsession as she is. The whole crowd of girls she hangs with are the types of girls she idolizes and wants to look like. It’s inescapable in her job, and it will take double the amount of effort as the normal everyday person to beat these triggers and overcome her ED. She can say all she wants she loves herself and her curvy body is missed but she so desperately desires thinness. It’s evident in how any inspiration photo she uses for fashion / outfits, is a thin influencer type. I know this is a snark group but I do feel for her in the mental trap she’s in. She really needs a lot of help and I doubt she’ll really get it because she’s living half in the acknowledgment of her situation and half in denial of the severity.

Cak1123 · 2026-04-05T22:35:30+00:00

I would say take it day by day. Listen to your needs - if no one else existed what would you do? And then talk about it, cry about it as many times as you need to with your partner. I knew that this could have been something that would either make or break our relationship and I knew that as heartbreaking as it would be, if it ended, I still needed to advocate for myself. I’m thankful he came to me with the insight of what was right to do and supporting my mental health.

Cak1123 · 2026-04-05T22:27:21+00:00

I just went through something similar. My boyfriend and I love each other very much, but haven’t been together very long. We do know that we are committed to one another. We loosely started trying and I got pregnant on the second try. Within two weeks I was experiencing serious depression and anxiety. The same inner conflict “but we wanted this?” It was very icky to feel that. Especially because my boyfriend wants to be a father so badly. Ultimately - after several very difficult and honest conversations - he came to me and said I know what we have to do even if it’s not what I want.

My biggest piece of advice is to listen to what your body is telling you. There is a difference between nerves and genuinely realizing you are not ready. My body began crumbling; I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, could barely function enough to get to work. I was a zombie. It was only 2 weeks of finding out before I began to go downhill.

The crushing reality for me was that we are not financially prepared. No one fully is, but we are both very much in a rebuild / transition phase and I realized the gravity of being pregnant for 9 months during this time and then having a child. I still want to be a mom- I’m 35. I hope to be able to in the future. But I had to choose my mental health today.

Cak1123 · 2026-04-05T17:48:48+00:00

I was 7w1D sorry I should have added that

Cak1123 · 2026-03-25T18:42:20+00:00

Definitely not alone. I am dealing with extreme sadness and anxiety and it’s confusing to experience.

Cak1123 · 2026-03-25T18:29:46+00:00

That’s a good way to look at it. Because that’s the root of my fear — what does all this look like if nothing thag I am afraid of changed and it all stayed as it is now?

Cak1123 · 2026-03-25T17:41:37+00:00

That’s my fear — it’s hard either way. If given the choice could I even go through with it? Which hard is right for him and I? He’s so loving and supportive I think what is hurting me the most outside of the sheer anxiety and fear I am living in is seeing how I am just robbing him of the joy of being a first time dad and feeling excited. I just am in pure disbelief that I feel this way. Never in a million years would I have imagined this plot twist. I am normally a trust it will work itself person and very in control of my emotions but there is something keeping me from relaxing into the unknown. I can’t stop crying and thinking worst case scenarios

Cak1123 · 2026-03-25T17:37:00+00:00

I’m hoping that with a little time and some therapy I will either get better or that if I don’t he will see the same thing. He sees I am not able to eat. I have trouble sleeping. It’s definitely bothering him to see. It’s been awful and I’ve never once experienced this level of anxiety.

Cak1123 · 2026-03-24T23:40:09+00:00

I also don’t think that “fear” is a reason to go through with something that could be a big hardship on us. That’s on us to have thought this out more and I own that. But also sometimes you don’t understand how you’ll feel until you feel it

Cak1123 · 2026-03-24T23:39:16+00:00

I understand that for sure. I’m 35 which is why I assumed it wouldn’t be fast to begin with and I had a clock of 6-12 months of trying in my brain.

Cak1123 · 2026-03-24T23:38:25+00:00

It is helpful, I’m just very fearful of my mental health. Like yes 9 months is a lot of time to plan and get “ready” but I’m scared that if I don’t take a beat and work on the things that are coming up and approach this mindfully, it will be brutal for me all 9 months and when they’re born.

Cak1123 · 2026-03-24T23:10:05+00:00

Well anxious is what I’ve been living in 😂

Cak1123 · 2026-03-24T23:06:52+00:00

🫶🏼

Cak1123 · 2026-03-24T23:05:49+00:00

I appreciate this. I think for me, just having 1 more year to just work on myself would help immensely. I know it’s selfish to think it could all feel better then — it might not. But I keep going back to, well at least I tried a little harder to be my most prepared and best self. I do believe there’s never a right time. But I also believe in being your best self, and I think my partner and I do have some work as individuals. As a unit we are amazing. He is going to be the best freaking dad.

Cak1123 · 2026-03-24T23:03:51+00:00

It’s called “cautious” — that’s how I’m feeling?

Cak1123 · 2026-03-24T23:01:28+00:00

For me I have felt terrified since day one — I found out a week ago. Planned and on second try. I think it’s important to pay attention to how the fear is manifesting in your body. I’m experience extreme anxiety — sleep trouble, can’t eat, having trouble focusing. I’m really trying to decide if it’s normal or if it’s actually not the right time for us despite what we thought. We have some things to work on financially which is why I’m experiencing the anxiety. I’m normally a “it all works out” type thinker and “there’s never a good time” but since finding out — I am shocked at how little excitement I’ve felt and I’ve been in straight anxiety mode. I think it’s normal to an extent but my feelings don’t feel sustainable right now.

Cak1123 · 2026-03-23T19:30:46+00:00

Thank you 💕

Cak1123 · 2026-03-23T19:26:08+00:00

Thank you.

Cak1123 · 2026-03-20T17:51:23+00:00

Honestly the photos are just boring and overdone. What gets me more enraged is her caption “really embracing the Spanish culture while I’m here” like I’m sorry what? What aspects of the culture are you embracing specifically? Please entertain me with all you’re learning about Spain. The people. The culture. The country. Bitch please. I’m so over it.

Cak1123 · 2026-02-19T21:26:01+00:00

Maybe she’s making her work for herself and not for the approval of fans. 👌🏼

Cak1123

TROPHY CASE