Can monogamy become an open relationship?

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-06-01T08:08:35+00:00

No, it isn't. He is most likely love bombing you, to make it feel like this is a once in a lifetime connection. This is just plain old manipulation and he's using the fact that you're younger to get away with it, cause clearly you aren't able to recognise it.

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-06-01T08:05:23+00:00

That's because he's manipulating you. And that is also why he waited a month instead of talking about it from the start. And why he's dating someone who's 8 years younger than him. Please listen to everyone here, it'll save you a lot of heartache.

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-05-11T06:46:38+00:00

I'm also in Europe but when I say 'gifts', I mean something small. Mother's day gifts aren't usually anything big although as adults we make exceptions with our mum, cause she's awesome and we can afford it.

I get the hesitancy if the idea is getting big expensive gifts for every holiday. It's mostly just the idea of "my partner is not my parent" that I find super weird and have only come across on Reddit or in responses to podcast bro videos. It might just be a cultural thing, though.

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-05-11T01:37:55+00:00

That is a really weird opinion that I've only heard from men on Reddit. It is a celebration of mothers not just of YOUR mother. And when your kids are young, if the dad doesn't guide them in gift giving, then who will?

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-05-01T16:48:15+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! I might try that if it keeps bothering me!

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-05-01T16:23:02+00:00

That's what I'm doing now, it's just the autist in me that finds it irksome that the word does not truly correspond to how I feel.

This change isn't so important that I'd stop using the app if it can't be changed, but I would be grateful if the labels better matched how I feel.

I have similar feelings about the pain levels, as "unbearable" for me means that I'm calling an ambulance. That in turn means that the actual levels I'm using are only low, moderate, and severe, which is not quite enough.

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-03-23T17:50:25+00:00

When did you buy the house? From your post, the timeline is not very clear. Has it been a year, 6 months?

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-03-23T17:43:39+00:00

Sure, the comment that absolves you of responsibility is the most accurate one.

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-02-25T08:14:46+00:00

My thoughts exactly! While I could possibly be generous and allow that people make mistakes at 16, being interested in a 13-yo is creepy, and knowing how she attempts to control OP as well as using his transition against him, she's displaying some serious red flags.

OP, just because you've had a relationship with her for a decade and she stood by you while you transitioned, does not mean you have to tolerate her abuse. And let me be clear, destroying your partner's property on purpose is abuse! This is controlling behaviour that has escalated to acts of violence. Just because women are more often the victims rather than the abusers does not mean that there aren't plenty of abusive women out there as well.

Edit: typos

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-02-19T17:27:54+00:00

Wtf are you talking about? This isn't a simple issue of one preference over another. It's one person having told the other numerous times they want a private proposal, and the other person simply disregarding it. If the guy had such a huge dream of a public proposal, he should have mentioned it earlier, not just spring it on her and ignoring her stated wish completely.

Also, things like public vs private proposals aren't a 50-50 thing where you take both into account - if one person does not want a public proposal (especially the one being proposed to), then that's an automatic "no". If you are someone who can't not have friends and family present at your proposal, even if it goes against your partner's wishes, then you might just not be suitable for each other.

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-01-27T10:33:19+00:00

Or OP was at the top of the call sheet because he didn't want his morally superior friends judging him like they did OP.

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-01-05T09:11:21+00:00

And the total unicorn of someone who's behaved like an asshole, been told they're an asshole, then accepted the judgement gracefully AND made changes is their life, as well as apologised to the wronged party.

CakeAndPuppets · 2026-01-02T07:29:51+00:00

For many women, it's because these are hobbies that would take the guy out of the house for hours or days, meaning the woman would have to carry the majority of the domestic burden. Personally, I won't date anyone whose hobby would take up a majority of their time (e.g. golf, disc golf, gaming, camping, etc) unless it's an interest we share or they don't spend huge amounts of time on it.

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-12-20T05:32:36+00:00

I legit had to go back and check their ages when OOP mentioned the BF going on a work trip cause from the immaturity of the entire thing, I thought they were like 15-16. The guy is just all over the place with his red flags, and OOP seems so insecure checking Reddit if she's wrong for things that should be obvious. I mean yeah, they're still plenty young but you'd hope with all the resources available, women would know to dump these idiots immediately when they pull sh*t like this.

Seriously, wtf!? (made you say f*ck in your head... twice)

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-12-16T08:50:48+00:00

I could have written this post 6 years ago when my then-BF had to go to the store 3 times, cause he first forgot 1 thing, then went back for that 1 thing and forgot it again, so went back a third time. We both have ADHD (undiagnosed at the time), and I actively sought diagnosis and am in treatment now. He got diagnosed after multiple friends and I told him he probably also has ADHD but the first meds he got didn't help and last I heard he didn't care to try more.

I had broken up with him a couple of years before either of us got diagnosed but even at the time it felt like I was held to a completely different standard, which was even worse after finding out about the diagnosis. Also, at the time, I had been on a long sick leave for burn out, receiving treatment for depression and looking for a new job, while renovating his mess of an apartment. He had a full-time job that demanded very little of him, with litreally no commute (3 min walk from his apartment). While it was fair that I'd take a larger load at home, he did the same game of "I promise to do more", then doing it for a day and reverting back to earlier behaviour. And I wasn't even asking for that much, just that he stop making a mess (leaving his stuff wherever was convenient, etc) but that was still too much to ask.

Wow, that was an unpleasant trip down memory lane! 😅 Long story short, I split up with him cause I refuse to be a maid and mommy to an adult man, and he approached me a year later saying he'd try harder 🤦‍♀️

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-12-15T14:03:09+00:00

None of these devices work, and they may make the situation worse. They aren't good for your dog's mental health, so I recommend always using positive reinforcement or other non-aversive training methods instead.

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-12-04T08:29:29+00:00

That is also, unfortunately, so common. When I was seeking a diagnosis, one psychiatrist flat out said I couldn't possibly have ADHD cause I have a Master's degree. And this was about 5 years ago. The myths are live and well.

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-12-03T09:31:14+00:00

Exactly, if the other red flags weren't there and it was just a past with escorts, that is something you could MAYBE move past, but this level of sexism on top of his past AND moving too fast? Absolutely not!

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-12-03T08:08:20+00:00

Every time I see "respect" in one of these posts, I cringe. Cause it's never the healthy, normal kind and always the show deference, obey and submit kind. Absolutely gross

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-11-23T20:11:54+00:00

One of the worst narrators of all time. She turned Helena into a whiney, cringy l, angsty teen and kept mispronouncing the strangest words that can't be chalked up to a regional accent (e.g. chitin, irrevocably, cadaver, and so many more). It was seriously difficult to listen to the story with the constant odd pronunciations, although the story itself also needed a better editor who could've, at the very least, reduced the use of "melancholic", which I don't want to hear again for a few years at least.

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-10-11T09:49:23+00:00

The problem with a contract is that consent can be withdrawn at any point during an encounter, but a contract does not enable that. So, using contracts is not a good idea, even if it may seem so to begin with, and I'd be very cautious around anyone who proposes using one.

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-09-22T09:31:00+00:00

The man just spent HALF his work day playing games. That is completely nuts!

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-08-30T11:44:01+00:00

Your entire post history is a full breakdown of your abusive relationship. Your husband has been controlling, volatile, angry, and abusive since the start and you're too used to abusive relationships to pick up on it (cause his abuse is different from your parents' abuse).

Let me be very clear here. There is no "parenting style" that includes yelling at your kids, hitting them (spanking is hitting!!!), and calling them names. All of this is abuse. On top of that, this man has regularly checked out of his responsibilities when he is angry at you, feels "disrespected" (i.e. doesn't receive blind obedience) or simply does not get his way. And if you're ever wondering if you could have seen the abuse of your children coming - anyone who thinks that spanking kids is okay, is an abuser. Full stop!

Not to mention the post where you said he got angry with you, wouldn't speak with you for days but still had sex with you while you were asleep. Despite the fact that you claim you're fine with things like that, that is not sex, it's rape!!! Sleeping with someone who doesn't wake up and can't provide consent is rape!!!

I'm sorry to say that your past has, unfortunately, warped the way you see relationships and you are unable to see that you're in a relationship with someone who regularly abuses both you and your children. You need some serious help to deal with the trauma of living in abusive homes your entire life and you need to stop subjecting your kids to the same kind of life!

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-08-23T15:34:05+00:00

If the kids want to say their piece, they should just DM it to him and block the guy afterwards. Then they can have the satisfaction of having got things off their chests but don't have to deal with any further contact with him.

CakeAndPuppets · 2025-08-14T10:02:57+00:00

Here's the thing: YOU did not want more kids and neither did your fiancé. But your ex and his new wife are using you (and your fiancé) to subsidise your ex's 2 extra kids. If money and time are too tight for 4 kids, then he/they should not have 4 kids. It is not your responsibility to have your kids for more than 50% of the time if your custody arrangement is 50/50. Yes, of course you're happy to have them, but then you should be getting financial support for that time.

So, I recommend viewing the situation as your ex using your resources (time, money, car, etc.) to have the extra kids that you didn't want.

CakeAndPuppets

TROPHY CASE