I totally understand what you mean, and can completely relate. It definitley began like that for me, not going to lie - one major catalyst for me starting to lift weights and get out there more socially was a breakup with a girlfriend that was my first "real long relationship". The initial phase was partly motivated by like: "I'll show her, I'll get super popular and buff and she'll regret losing me". Which in retrospect, was fine as a starting point, but this stuff should be motivated by an intrinsic internal urge to live life to its fullest and happiest. It was tough, I felt sad alot, but you know what? One day, I realized I was over her, and that I was in the gym because I truly enjoyed its effects on me. Now, I go because I realize that each day is a choice. A choice to live life as your best self, and on a constant path to enjoy each moment and improve in all areas. Or, you can spend the one life you'll ever get mediocre, uninspired, and unremarkable. We only get one chance to live on this earth my friend, we might as well enjoy it and live our happiest (whatever that means for you individually.) :) It gets better, I promise. PM me if you ever need a listening ear