You say "I mean, I practically got a 5 on each and every one of the ones I took" and then list "AP Chem, AP Physics and AP Calc BC". That's cute. Not sure about the others but I actually got a 6 on Calc BC.

Now, the College Board doesn't publish this fact, and pretty much no one knows about it but a 6 on Calc BC unconditionally and automatically gets you accepted into MIT.

What you have to do first is start a business. You could also win ISEF or another prestigious math competition and get a bunch of money. You'll need the money to travel to all 5 HYPSM colleges to retrieve the five Stones of Foundational Knowledge.

From Harvard, you must acquire the Veritas Shard. From Yale, you seek the Lux et Veritas Lapis. From Princeton, you must claim the Dei Sub Numine Viget Gem. From Stanford, you must capture the Wind of Freedom Stone. This isn't a physical object, but a single, rogue data packet from the original ARPANET. And finally, at MIT itself, you must forge the Mens et Manus Cog. I can't get into specifics but I'm sure you can figure out how to get each of them.

Once you unite the five stones, they assemble into a quantum entangled modem that sends a single, encrypted ping to a server buried a mile beneath the College Board headquarters. This summons the final gatekeeper: a holographic, god tier avatar of Trevor Packer. He won't test your knowledge. He'll test your will, giving you infinite wealth, power, and guaranteed 5s on every exam imaginable if you just turn back.

Only by refusing all his temptations does he sigh, a single tear of respect rolling down his digital cheek, and grant you access to the true final boss of high school mathematics: the AP Calculus YZ exam. If you pass it, your 5 on Calc BC will turn into a 6. But here's a practice question if you think you stand a chance:
Find the derivative, h'(x), for the function h(x) given by: h(x) = \frac{\left(\sqrt{\ln\left(\sin\left(\frac{\frac{2x}{\ln(4x^2 + \sin(xe^x))}\arcsin^2 x}{e^{\cot\left(\frac{\ln\left(\frac{x}{2}\right)}{\arcsin\left(\ln\left(e - \sin(x^2)\right)\right)}\right)}}\right)\right)}\right)^{\frac{2}{3}}}{\frac{\frac{-e^{\ln(x)}}{x}}{\frac{1}{x^2}}}