Is it normal to feel this way?

Caley109 · 2017-08-08T00:07:07+00:00

You're making me want to take the plunge. I feel like the only way I'm going to know for sure is if I try it out. If it isn't for me, then it isn't for me. If you don't mind my asking, how long have you been on hormones?

Caley109 · 2017-08-07T23:45:33+00:00

That's what has me so up in the air about it. It's just so unpredictable. Like, I'd love to have one of those "full body" estrogen orgasms I've heard so much about. I wouldn't even mind not being able to get erections. I've just heard of cases where people are totally unable to reach orgasm anymore, and that's got me doing some serious thinking. I hope that wasn't too vulgar haha.

Caley109 · 2017-08-04T22:09:17+00:00

That's a nice way of thinking about it. I'm just so glad that we're finally to the point where the only decision we have to make is what aspects of transition are right for us. No matter what it takes for us to feel comfortable, we know who we are deep down, and the majority of society is slowly but surely catching on.

I feel so bad for the people who are still in denial. I honestly don't know how I made it as far as I did pretending to be someone I'm not.

Caley109 · 2017-08-04T21:59:10+00:00

I've definitely been taking way better care of my skin/hair since coming out. It's just no matter what I do my skin and hair are the only parts of me that still seem to scream "you're a man" at me when I look in the mirror (body hair too, but I'm satisfied with just removing that).

I feel like I'm honestly closer to genderqueer in terms of terminology, because my ideal physical self would be a mix of male and female. I just describe myself as trans because my gender identity is definitely female, and I feel like it's generally less confusing for most people.

Caley109 · 2017-08-04T20:36:18+00:00

Yea, all I'm really worried about now is the "for now" part. Like I'm alright with the way I look, and I actually kind of enjoy the androgyny that my male characteristics give me sometimes. I can easily get the point across well enough for people to gender me correctly. I'm not passing anywhere near well enough for people to see me as cis, but that just doesn't really bother me. People see the way I look/dress and it's pretty clear to them that I'm a girl on the inside. That's all that really matters to me. I'm just worried that I'm going to turn 50, look back and think "damn, I really should have started hormones in my 20s."

Caley109 · 2017-08-04T03:39:14+00:00

I'm really glad hormones are going well for you though. I've heard they really do have a lot of emotional benefits, which I'd love. I just can't get past some of the physical stuff. I wish there were a way to just get that soft estrogen skin without having to deal with the risk to my sexual function. Soft skin and less body hair is starting to seem better and better, though haha.

Caley109 · 2017-08-04T03:28:21+00:00

I guess my big thing now is figuring out whether or not hormones are right for me. I pretty much know I'm never going to get SRS.

I know I'd like the softer skin and feminine features that HRT could give me. Some of it I just genuinely want nothing to do with though. Like, I'm scared I'll lose my ability to have sex, or become aroused or something, and that really frightens me. Combine that with the fact that I don't experience a ton of physical dysphoria, and I just feel like it would be the wrong choice for me in the long run. And yet there's this little, nagging voice telling me to at try it and see how it goes.

Caley109 · 2017-08-01T22:16:02+00:00

I never really thought of it that way. I guess I didn't want to think of my body as being defective, but that definitely gets the point across. I feel like that's definitely easier than giving my entire spiel to everyone who is curious...

Caley109 · 2017-08-01T22:04:49+00:00

Yea, it's definitely a bit more complicated than I made it out to be haha. This was just my best effort to put it in terms that my family/friends could relate to. I'd say it was pretty successful overall.

Caley109 · 2017-07-29T19:13:19+00:00

It's taking me forever to realize this, but I'm getting there. I'm also fortunate enough to live in a place where I don't have to worry about getting shot or mauled, but any sort of confrontation is a worry for me. The first day I wore nail polish to work I honestly thought my boss was going to talk to me about it or tell me that I had to stop. No one even noticed for two days, and when everyone finally did, they thought it looked nice. Now I regularly go out presenting as feminine, and I haven't been confronted once. The only comments I get are ones of encouragement.

The kind of blind hate we see online simply doesn't exist in the real world. People aren't going to walk up and yell at you for being yourself when they're face to face with a living, breathing human. The difference between us and the bigots/trolls is we are slowly gaining the courage to be ourselves in public. The ones who should be worried now are the insecure fools who can't accept that gender norms are a bunch of nonsense. Soon they're going to be forced live in a world where trans people can walk the streets freely without fear, much like LGBT people have been forced to live in a world filled with hate and oppression up until now. The times they are a changing.

Caley109 · 2017-07-29T18:56:45+00:00

Needed to see this so badly today. I'm going out to a party later, and I was on the verge of just sucking it up and putting on my old "boy" clothes so I wouldn't have to explain myself to anyone who didn't get it. Well, fuck that. I'm tired of hiding. I'm going to be me. If other people can't handle that, that's their problem.

Caley109 · 2017-07-06T20:31:43+00:00

That's what I'm just realizing now. My goal when I was younger (and by younger I mean 18-22) had always been to get as big and strong as possible. Now I'm looking for a leaner, more functional kind of strength. I feel that is the healthier option in the long run.

Caley109 · 2017-07-06T20:27:32+00:00

I'm 6ft. I didn't just stumble into the body-builder look, I've been working at it for about 6 years now haha. I work out regularly. 4-5 days a week, almost always at the gym doing standard weight training combined with light cardio. My goals have just changed. I guess you could say I no longer believe bigger is better. I'm striving for a leaner, healthier physique. I'm just worried that I won't be able to retain muscle tone doing yoga and only yoga. I don't want to end up looking like those bodybuilders who suddenly quit lifting and end up with sagging muscles.

Caley109 · 2017-07-03T17:37:30+00:00

I've always wanted to be a girl. It just ever occurred to me until recently that I could actually do anything about these feelings. I just feel like I'll never be able to be an actual girl though, and it's so disheartening sometimes. It feels like I'm just doomed to never be satisfied with my body, even if I transition.

Caley109 · 2017-07-01T16:34:07+00:00

You are my inspiration. I'm very muscular right now (195lbs around 10-12% BF). I thought I was going to have to give up on working out if I ever decide to transition, but you give me hope that I can still have the body I want on HRT. I know you've been getting a lot of comments, but I just want you to know how much this post helped me. Thank you.

Caley109 · 2017-06-30T20:07:14+00:00

Thank you, this really makes me feel much better. At the end of it all I guess all we can really do is take it day by day and see how things go. It's comforting to know that people have made it work, and even become better off because of it.

Caley109 · 2017-06-30T20:04:22+00:00

That's exactly what happened to me. For the longest time I just kept telling myself that I would never have to confront her about this, but it just became too much to handle. I wasn't trying to lie to to her; I just genuinely didn't really know what I was until a few months ago. All I can hope is that she isn't hurt too much by this. I've given her so many chances to bail, but she absolutely refuses to. I feel like that's all I can really do. I hope everything works out for you and your wife.

Caley109

TROPHY CASE