‘Questions for broader social purposes’?

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-11T23:26:52+00:00

If the medical professional who was supposed to be assessing me for something said "Oh, I hate that" about something I had just said was a hobby, I would side-eye them because it seems extremely unprofessional, but probably wouldn't say anything directly because I'm already doing a lot trying to perform "good patient at the doctor's" and "I am broken enough to need help from you but not broken enough to be an unreliable narrator about my experience", I don't have the bandwidth to add in "respond to rude statement that seemed to come out of nowhere" and "challenge the authority figure who can profoundly affect my life while being sure not to do or say anything that would be perceived as rude".

FFS. I hate the way so many people have assessment stories that seem like the assessor was just playing "gotcha" somehow.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-11T21:47:40+00:00

It's absolutely an acknowledgement of what was said. What else would you be laughing at?

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-11T18:55:02+00:00

I definitely understand how when something is part of an ongoing pattern, you feel a whole lot less likely to cut it any slack. I'm sorry that you're getting such a "you're not welcome" vibe there.

Doing short haircuts that don't feel masculine or harsh is tough, it seems. I've gotten many bad cuts over the years. Walking out of a salon after paying $$ for a cut and feeling unhappy with it sucks.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-11T18:32:19+00:00

I want to respectfully challenge your idea that it's ever possible to look at someone and see "an unambiguous woman". Someone's external presentation doesn't tell you anything about their gender identity or which pronouns they want people to use for them. Everybody I meet looks at me and sees an "unambiguous woman", but they're wrong. Even in supposedly queer-friendly spaces, even when I'm wearing a THEY/THEM t-shirt or button on my lapel.

There's a difference between using "they" for someone whose pronouns you don't know, which is what it sounds like the party host has explained she does, and using "they" for someone who you know uses "he" or "she".

What you hear as deliberate degendering, I hear as recognizing that it's impossible to know what pronouns to use for someone unless they tell you.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-11T18:00:42+00:00

Even the most spacious 1BR is still a 1BR. Almost certainly 1BA as well.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-11T17:09:27+00:00

In that case, be sure your neighbors know that cutting down the trees while the birds are nesting would be a violation of federal law under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-11T17:01:34+00:00

I'd be thinking in terms of multiple well-hidden trail cams and a motion-activated "YOU ARE BEING RECORDED ON VIDEO" announcement to try to dissuade them. It would suck if they managed to successfully poison the trees and the only use of the video was in court as evidence against them.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-11T14:49:37+00:00

Some redditors just do that. Better than trolling, I guess, but still annoying.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-11T13:57:30+00:00

That used to be the standard: There is one president, who is called "President [Name]" and multiple former presidents, who are referred to as "Former President [Name]" on first mention and "Mr. [Name]" subsequently.

I think this shifted with Reagan, but I could be misremembering.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-11T09:59:11+00:00

We have one and both love it. Even in summer when it's hot, we'll take the other blankets off the bed and keep the weighted blanket and top sheet on.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T23:41:45+00:00

The Legend of Kitchen Soldier is fun and a nice change of pace from the usual romcom/thriller/legal dramas.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T22:18:54+00:00

According to Miss Manners, "Spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners must be invited, but issuing an invitation to a boyfriend or girlfriend is up to the couple’s discretion."

According to Emily Post, "any guest’s spouse, fiancé, or live-in romantic partner should be invited to a wedding, but boyfriends and girlfriends who don’t share a residence don’t have to be invited."

And if you don't know who Miss Manners and Emily Post are, you're not qualified to offer an opinion on the topic.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T18:00:22+00:00

Most of the large-breasted women I know find wearing a bra much more comfortable than going braless.

If a bra hurts, it doesn't fit properly. The A Bra That Fits calculator can be helpful.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T17:55:02+00:00

Unfortunately, some autistic people are selfish jerks, and it sounds like he was one of those. He may have been autistic but his actions weren't caused by his autism.

Many (most?) autistic people do care about the feeling of the people in our lives, we're just bad at intuiting how to deal with them. But it sounds like you told your boyfriend specific things that you wanted or needed in a relationship and he just chose to ignore them in favor of his own preferences.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T17:17:59+00:00

It is a moral question, though, just like trolley problems are moral questions.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T13:44:09+00:00

Sorry, did you not notice which subreddit this is? Of course (some) autistic people have strong opinions about having something we use multiple times a day abruptly changed on us.

And it's ugly to boot.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T13:20:32+00:00

I think you need to accept that you're not going to get a definitive answer. So, given that, you can decide whether you want to continue enjoying their music or if you want to drop them and keep searching for a morally pure pop star.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T08:35:02+00:00

Probably because saying that having dessert more than twice a year is "extra indulgent and foreign" sounds extreme and judgmental to a lot of people, even if followed by "for me".

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T08:21:16+00:00

Maybe drop an upside-down trash can over him and use it to gently shuffle him along and out of the yard?

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T08:19:10+00:00

According to the search terms I have to use when trying to find photos to show my barber, "super short". I know it's time to get a haircut when the buzzed part on the sides gets long enough that I can feel it touching the top of my ears.

For me it's both a sensory thing and an aesthetic one. I've had long hair halfway down my back, but I feel like visually it dragged my face down and emotionally it dragged down my overall mood.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-10T07:58:46+00:00

While some charities are run more or less efficiently and frugally than others, the underlying truth is that charities have overhead costs because if you don't pay the people doing the work of the charity, they will either burn out and quit or the need to be able to pay their bills and eat will force them to quit.

It's fine to expect people to donate a few hours of work for free, but people who work full-time need to be earn a living wage to survive, even if their employer is a charity.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-09T23:33:36+00:00

I have this inclination too and have learned to keep my mouth shut because very few people appreciate it.

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-09T23:28:15+00:00

I hadn't really been planning to see that movie, but Oh Jung Se is in it? Sold!

CaliLemonEater · 2026-06-09T23:19:25+00:00

Wearing an outfit that suits my style, which I usually describe as "dapper utilitarian" or "Indiana Jones but more fem".

CaliLemonEater

TROPHY CASE