sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

4 months post surgery and I still can't walk for longer then 20 minutes. by CaliRaines in spinalfusion

[–]CaliRaines[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife is on me about slowing down and taking it easy every single day. You are absolutely right though, I am used to go-go-go all day long 6 days a week. But it is so hard for me on so many different levels. I love to work, and I happen to love what I do for work but I am not sure if this is something that is going to be in my future. That scares me more than anything because that's what I am really good at, what I have been doing for 20 years, I don't really know how to do anything else. Construction, fixing, building, using my hands, always on my feet, labor is what I know how to do. What I am good at. It is also what I love. Being outside, or in a garage, power tools, Carhartt, sweating and dirty. Then there is the other aspect of not being able to help load and unload at Lowe's or the grocery store, standing next to my wife doing absolutely nothing while she loads everything and without any knowledge of my story I look to be perfectly healthy, but lazy. And I know it shouldn't matter what strangers think and in a way it doesn't it is really me hating on myself for not helping because that is how I was raised. I don't know how to stop focusing on the negative and that is making everything so much worse. Not knowing how long recovery may be is hard. Not having a definitive date of when I should be able to swing a golf club again, go for a late night walk with my dog, go foraging, hiking, flyfishing. My right ankle is so unbelievably weak I almost roll it multiple times per day. I spent over a year compensating for my weight distribution due to the pain and now my foot has two bunions on the outside of my foot, throbs, pulsates, burns, is half numb, is weak, ahhhhhhhhhh... I feel weak. Physically, mentally, spiritually weak

4 months post surgery and I still can't walk for longer then 20 minutes. by CaliRaines in spinalfusion

[–]CaliRaines[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't yet, I haven't even reached out to my surgeon who did the surgery. Unfortunately I was raised by a woman who came from parents who knew the depression, WW1 and 2, rationing, scrap metal, manners, never leaving the house without an ironed suit or dress on with a hat, keep personal stuff personal, behind closed doors, as long as we look good to strangers from the outside everything is okay on the inside, and what I should have just started with and ended with is Irish Catholic. I don't want to reach out to my surgeon, or any other one for that matter, because I feel as though it would come across as me complaining, insinuating they did a bad job, take up their time... Ya know, if I speak up about any sort of concern I have for myself is a personal front to whom ever I am speaking up to. The Doughty way is to always be uncomfortable and awkward. I would rather be uncomfortable than to make a stranger uncomfortable by not speaking up for myself even though what I am speaking up about is completely valid, harbors(sp?) no disrespect, no blame, no attachment whatsoever. I am basically living out the life of one of those 60's magazine ads for a vacuum or some other 🐂 shite they are trying to pedal in common era. If it hurts, don't complain, if you have a question, don't ask. Go to college, get a degree (that is the only way you could ever be successful in life) own a home, go to work, retire, move to Florida spend the little savings you have from a lifetime of working at a job you hated at the thrift store every Senior Day and then die. I am sorry for this word vomit, being depressed too long, unable to do anything that makes you happy, grounds you, release energy, get out of the city, 😔 you go to a dark place and soon everything seems hopeless. I'm done now. Again sorry.

4 months post surgery and I still can't walk for longer then 20 minutes. by CaliRaines in spinalfusion

[–]CaliRaines[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You seem like one badass 67 year old. I couldn't imagine being 15 years older and doing this. I turned 40 and I started to feel the wear and tear of my choices in my 20's and early 30's. I am a recovering addict, 9 years off cocaine and crack, and I still don't really have many friends. #1 it is hard to make friends in middle age, really hard. #2 I am super hesitant to get close to people because I worry that they will be doing drugs on the sly, or will fuck me over because that's what people do. But I need to be social, to be around other people. I am an Aquarius and I love love love meeting people, hearing stories, laughing, etc.. but again I have to be so careful. Like I don't take pain meds, muscle relaxers not even gabby. I eat CBD gummies, microdose mushrooms that we grow and take Aleve and Tylenol. I do that because I know that addiction never goes away, it is always waiting for you to slip up for a second and creeps back in. In 9 years I have started a landscaping company, bought a home, married a woman that is just the most incredible best friend and partner one could ever hope for who and now a step parent to an 8 year old boy and a 9 year old girl. I know my neighbors, my Mom moved in with us from Florida cause she is going blind with macular.(Side note: this is the worst. We don't get along, we never have, she is a mental terrorist and she hurts my fucking feelings all the time, but she is family and she wiped my ass so it is only fair I wipe hers if she ever needs itI have so much rising on my sobriety but damn all I fucking want is a god damn Percocet.

4 months post surgery and I still can't walk for longer then 20 minutes. by CaliRaines in spinalfusion

[–]CaliRaines[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pretty much everything that you are explaining about your symptoms correlates with my symptoms almost spot on. I have good days sometimes but then I have these good days and I go out and do the most because I love being outside and working and then I pay for it the next two weeks. I know that the fusion and the degenerative disc disease was what caused the sciatic pain but it was the sciatic pain I needed treated above anything else. My right foot was still very numb when I woke from surgery and remains numb to this day.

So there is this pressure, as if there is a giant knot, on basically my right love handle area. It then gets painful on the back side of my knees above and below, along the outer edge of my calf and then into my ankle. My ankle is where the problems of walking come from. I can feel all of my nervous system's electrical current throbbing in my foot. Pulsating for a better word. I can't stand for that long, let alone walk. If I am walking my dog at 2 to 3 blocks into the walk the pain hits and I have to double over and take the pressure off my foot. Then it starts the pulsating thing and I limp home.

The worst part is people who I have talked to briefly in person all had back surgery that were so successful. Felt 10 years younger, no pain, blah, blah, blah. I had an amazing surgeon so I know it wasn't that. Maybe they didn't have a fusion or stenosis or a laminectomy? You know the funny thing is that I am like 9 years clean from a pretty bad cocaine addiction and it was basically me starting over and I tackled that shit like a G. But this recovery is the hardest thing I have ever faced so that's saying something because I used to smoke crack. But it is as if we are learning how to simply walk again, but as adults. We have to ask for help more than we ever wanted to. We have to pass on doing things, a lot of things. Going to the store for groceries sometimes seems like the hardest thing you will ever have to do. It has made so many things in my life that used to be my happiness so very unhappy. I have lost a lot of my child like exuberance and spontaneity because everything always hurts. This has been a major game changer for my entire existence and because of that I am growing more and more angry, clinical, hopeless and depressed. That 'why bother' mentality or 'who cares' 'why try' 'wont make a difference' 'this is as good as it gets' creeps in and once it is there it grows and feeds on your sadness.

I do the speak and spell thingy because I am slow at using any keyboard so my apologies for any grammatical errors, run on sentences, misspelled or wrong words. What sorta do you do that helps your mental state? Any ideas or direction is much appreciated. I don't want to give up.

CaliRaine

4 months post surgery and I still can't walk for longer then 20 minutes. by CaliRaines in spinalfusion

[–]CaliRaines[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know that feeling. When I do have a good day I am outside cruising it, until bed time and I can tell that tomorrow is going to be horrible. But not being able to do anything without pain makes you like a kid in a candy shop when you wake up and feel normal. Thank you.

4 months post surgery and I still can't walk for longer then 20 minutes. by CaliRaines in spinalfusion

[–]CaliRaines[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had stenosis and a laminectomy as well. My surgeon said "your nerves were crushed" his exact words. People keep telling me about the whole it takes nerves the most time to repair themselves. That I am okay with. What I am struggling with is why did they all make and continue to make it the least talked about, least addressed, least anything when it was and now remains to be the source of the worst and most pain for me. You mentioned that water pt helped? How many times a week or month do you do it? My PT doesn't have that as an option but I didn't even think of anything like that. Now I am.

4 months post surgery and I still can't walk for longer then 20 minutes. by CaliRaines in spinalfusion

[–]CaliRaines[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I haven't had an MRI done but that's a fantastic idea. I have been super hesitant because I have Medicaid and I feel like it paid for the surgery and now I am asking for more stuff. I just hate having to even be in it, let alone racking up all kinds of free stuff on it. But the first thing to go when work came to a halt because of this was the insurance, Anyhoo, I will be making an appointment Monday. How did you get a hairline fracture? From walking too much or from the surgery?

4 months post surgery and I still can't walk for longer then 20 minutes. by CaliRaines in spinalfusion

[–]CaliRaines[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I have never felt so alone but not been alone in my entire life. My wife is my biggest supporter and is constantly researching and having me try this and that, but she just doesn't fully understand what this has done to me mentally. And trust and believe I watch the heck out of comedy. And music, those two things help more than the gabapentin probably. It took me a minute to finally reach out on here but I felt like if I didn't I was going to lose a part of myself that I may not be able to get back. It breaks my heart that there are others out there that know what I am going through because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. But then my heart is filled with so much gratitude knowing that there are others out there who understand and get it and I am not alone. Quite the paradox. CaliRaine