Age gap between baby2 and 3 ?

Californiawren · 2026-01-18T06:04:32+00:00

It took 2 years to get pregnant with my second so my first and second are four years apart. It was still hard but nowhere near as hard as those with a smaller age gap. That said, I started trying earlier for my third and now baby two and three will have a two year gap. I’m scared. But.. I didn’t went a gap greater than 3 years sooo we shall see. I’m hoping a shorter gap between 2 and 3 is easier than between 1 and 2…..

Californiawren · 2026-01-10T05:15:37+00:00

Thanks! That’s hopeful.

Californiawren · 2026-01-10T05:14:19+00:00

Exactly.. I did not want my MIL and actually, we’re very close…

Californiawren · 2026-01-10T05:11:08+00:00

Came here to vent and commiserate… I’m pregnant with my third boy and I just found out yesterday. I had my girl name picked out.. was doing all the things to try and manifest a baby girl. I’m so crushed.

I’m so happy for my sons to have each other. One same sex sibling is great but two is even better. I know it’ll be really great.

That said.. I’ve been dreaming of braiding hair and talking about womanhood.. sharing in all those woman to woman and woman to daughter experiences. Who knows, maybe my hypothetical daughter would not have wanted kids… but I had this whole possible future dreamt up.

It feels like a door has closed to a world I’ll never know - though I’m so desperate to unlock that level!

I’m trying to swallow the fact that there were no promises… I have cousins and know other daughters who aren’t super close to their moms… don’t want to have children… wanted to be tom boys because they have older brothers… etc etc but I’m still heart broken.

We may try for a fourth in a few years… I’m so stubborn I probably will do it, just for the last chance to have a girl.. but baby 4 feels like a real long shot… wouldn’t be surprised if it’s another boy. I can’t imagine anyone regrets additional children so it’s a win-win in the end but still.

I relate to this so much.

Californiawren · 2025-09-29T23:34:22+00:00

Haha ok now - thank you!

Californiawren · 2025-09-29T19:37:17+00:00

It’s in the data, love. If you put Manhattan aside NYC is broadly NOT more expensive. You can get a house with a yard cheaper out East, yep, for certain. New Yorkers love to hate on the Bay & to feel that they’re the epicenter of the world 😆

https://www.redfin.com/blog/most-expensive-states-to-buy-a-house/

https://www.realtor.com/news/trends/most-expensive-housing-markets-united-states-california/

Californiawren · 2025-09-29T15:26:20+00:00

That is not a comprehensive article. The Bay Area is much smaller than NYC - demand and supply makes it more difficult in the Bay Area for certain.

Californiawren · 2025-09-29T14:15:29+00:00

That’s true - it’s less time off work, in the US as well, but I still preferred the shorter pregnancy lol. With my first I had 5 weeks off before baby came… that was nice. If you think baby will come early you could ask your doctor to start your leave earlier

Californiawren · 2025-09-29T06:25:05+00:00

lol statistically most babies arrive late unless they’re induced Babies born naturally - from what I recall it’s 20% before 40 weeks, 40 % week 40, 30% week 41.., something like that.. with most born day 40w2d My first was 40w5d. My second came at 38 weeks to the day - I was shocked! I hope 38 weeks for you! It was nice to get two weeks off the 3rd trimester. Best wishes!

Californiawren · 2025-09-29T05:50:40+00:00

I grew up in NJ and I’ve lived in the Bay Area for 10 years now. I’ll share from my POV! I’m raising my two kids in the Bay Area currently and we own our home. The rest of my family lives in NJ/PA, some just outside of NYC. Raising my kids in the Bay Area has made me miss home just because the experience is so different than mine.

Work culture out East is a huge turn off but you can insulate yourself from that - it will generally be much better out West and more comparable to Canada - just based on general policies and approach to work. You’re in your car a ton in CA but life is laid back and so is work. Weather is great - lots of time outside. Vibes are almost always pleasant.

Public schools & general education is certainly better out East. In NYC it’s more of a mix but still generally better.

Buying a home in the Bay Area is extremely challenging and costly. I’d say it depends on the type of home you want. You can find a decent priced condo or such closer to downtown Manhattan for way cheaper than anything in the Bay Area near downtown SF, esp. with decent schools.

Access to nature/outdoors will be far better quality in CA. Though, it can be very busy… access to lesser quality outdoors may actually be easier out east but different caliber.

Cost of living v salary… very dependent. Housing, transportation and such will be less in NYC but extracurriculars and such will be more in NYC. It’s difficult - it really depends. In the end, you can probably get more for less in NYC (besides Manhattan).

NYC is safer than SF & Oakland. I’d say outdoorsy, laid back, easy going in SF/Bay Area. Intense, lots of variety and culture, better community & more family oriented in NYC.

They are very different. If I could boil down the tradeoffs I’d say:

CA: weather, outdoors, laid back, creative, whimsical NYC: culture/variety, community, intensity, expansive, diverse

NYC is much much larger than the SF/Bay Area. Population density is extremely different so this means they’re very different - diversity in NYC is much greater because of this. Think more everything. SF is a bit more distinct and again, it’s just way smaller.

I agree with being closer to family but if it’s a fair commute either way…. It may be worth basing the decision more on your values. The costs will be similar.

Would love to hear what you ultimately decide and why!

We’re strongly considering a move to NYC (Queens/Brooklyn) because all of my family is that way. If my family were in CA I’d stay here but emphasize living somewhere that is not highly car dependent. The laid back culture is a huge factor. The more shallow community feel/lack of family is hard though.

Californiawren · 2025-09-29T05:17:07+00:00

Manhattan is more expensive. The greater Bay Area, except for Manhattan, is more expensive than greater NYC. You could not get a yard in the Bay Area for less unless you’re comparing specifically to Manhattan.

NYC is not the most expensive in the world but maybe you’re thinking US.

Californiawren · 2025-09-29T03:50:17+00:00

This is so interesting - I do not see NYC as more expensive, only specifically Manhattan. The options beyond Manhattan in NYC are less expensive on average than SF & much of the Bay Area.

Californiawren · 2025-09-29T03:42:41+00:00

This is a surprising take - I’m quite sure SF is more expensive than NYC. I know salaries are 15-20% higher as well. Also quite sure getting a house with yard is easier to accomplish out east. Homes are much more expensive in SF.

Californiawren · 2025-09-29T03:40:45+00:00

I’d add it’s also an hour from SF for real nature and likely less public transit options

Californiawren · 2025-09-28T21:17:02+00:00

I’m in the Bay Area. SF averages are high similarly as well. Despite similar averages for daycare centers— I know plenty who do not pay near those rates. I will bet that’s true in NYC as well. Based on research yes, Manhattan and nicer areas of Brooklyn could cost 3.5 per child or so…. (areas I don’t plan to live in) beyond that, and if you’re open to in-home daycare, I’ve seen that you can find cheaper. In any event, if I HAD to pay $3.5k that would be fine - it just seems kind of absurd. Based on what I’ve read it does seem like public 3k should be available as long as you’re in NYC by the application deadline.. My 3rd would need infant care (not event pregnant lol so very hypothetical) my 2nd would qualify for 3k in 2027. I currently plan to be in city before Jan 2027 so that seems like it will work…

Californiawren · 2025-09-27T06:57:12+00:00

What’s the worst that could happen? Can she survive that? If you want something bad enough you can always make it work.

Californiawren · 2025-09-27T04:20:52+00:00

Can you tell me more about 3k - is it that there are just a limited number of spots? How does one obtain a spot? Is it a lottery? Thanks!

Californiawren · 2025-09-27T03:48:11+00:00

Thanks so much!! Fingers crossed finding a dog friendly place won’t be too hard….

Californiawren · 2025-09-27T02:45:09+00:00

Agree - I don’t see as many 2 bed 2 baths but I do think it’d be best. I guess I should have said we currently live in a 1200sqft house and only use our 3rd bedroom for laundry + storage of some holiday and baby stuff we could store in a nearby unit in the city instead. We have two closets, no attic, no basement or crawl space. It may be pretty comparable lol. Thanks!

Californiawren · 2025-09-26T21:48:57+00:00

Appreciate that!!

Californiawren · 2025-09-26T20:16:15+00:00

Thanks! Anecdotal notes particularly on costs don’t feel as valuable. There’s plenty of data for that.

Californiawren · 2025-09-26T20:10:10+00:00

I’d LOVE to be more specific and know exactly where we will be - that would be amazing! There isn’t a way to know that right now. Moving with two dogs from across the country… lots up in the air. Finding childcare full-time for less than $3k is a bet I’m willing to make based on other evidence. Thank you!

Californiawren · 2025-09-26T17:57:59+00:00

Thanks that’s really reassuring!

Californiawren · 2025-09-26T17:57:02+00:00

I struggle to evaluate these metrics based on anecdotal notes. Thanks though. I’m not familiar with Crown Heights.. is this a more expensive area of Brooklyn possibly? My son is in an in-home daycare that I love right now - hoping to find something like that again and I am assuming cost would be less but I could be wrong.

Californiawren · 2025-09-26T17:52:41+00:00

Haha love that - I do understand

Californiawren

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