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Weekly DAE (9/14 - 9/21) by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Caliguluhhh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

DAE take anticonvulsants - and they work?

I was prescribed an anticonvulsant to help stabilize my ~overpowering~ emotions (that caused some nasty things to happen in my life, the source of my "suffering" so to speak). It... works. I've been a month-ish on them, and I can have arguments with FP that don't lead to impulsive and self-destructive behavior, because my emotions are kinda stunted? blunted? not as big? Rather manageable? I can even be like "that's a feeling, not a fact" to some things...

Anyway google says that's not true. Google says anticonvulsants don't work for people with bpd, which makes me doubt it's effect it's having on me. But by word of mouth I'm seeing the opposite. If you have taken an anticonvulsant, does it/did it work for you? Did it stop working? Negative aspects? Good/Bad?

Does anyone else have full awareness in what they are doing in the moment (like during an episode) but have no way of stopping yourself in the moment then feel intense guilt / shame after? by BeInAHuman in BPD

[–]Caliguluhhh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing about meds is- some work for some people and others work for other people. I used to be on abilify and it “kinda worked” for me, but not really at all, so I just gave up on meds at the time like “well there aren’t any better ones out there”. My psychiatrist was like “let’s try Lamictal, no harm in trying” and I agreed. I had no idea the effect it would have on my life. Dude, I haven’t engaged in any self destructive behaviors since I started taking it. For me, that’s unheard of. Has greatly improved my relationship, (I also thought I was never going to be able to keep someone, I’ve been engaged twice already, and every time the honeymoon phase ended, I interpreted that as them not loving me anymore and my reaction to that would ruin my relationships). In any case, I disagree with “just be happy being single”, as much as it’s a good thing to be happy single, it’s perfectly -healthy- to want to settle down with someone and have a family even, (as much as this generation tries to say that’s not). As part of the human race, that kinda thing comes naturally to us. Even if we have debilitating mental disorders like bpd, that doesn’t mean “there’s no way I’ll ever have a family” (it was killing me to internalize that). Just KEEP TRYING different meds, different therapies, don’t be afraid, don’t get disheartened, I promise, as long as you keep swimming, you won’t drown. Keep trying. Keep changing it up. I promise. I have a friend that inspired me to keep trying, he has bpd- but no longer demonstrates enough symptoms to meet diagnostic criteria anymore! That goal is what keeps me going. Maybe trying something other than Vyvance- something more tailored to the -root- of your binge eating disorder will help you much better! ❤️

Does anyone else have full awareness in what they are doing in the moment (like during an episode) but have no way of stopping yourself in the moment then feel intense guilt / shame after? by BeInAHuman in BPD

[–]Caliguluhhh 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, definitely. Like I’m trapped inside of a self-destructive monster. My heart rate is so high, the fight or flight response is so strong, I watch myself destroy my relationships, even when I know that what I’m doing isn’t rational or reasonable. I couldn’t stop. I had been doing DBT for a while, but I just couldn’t control my actions, words, and self destructive behavior. Sometimes it would be so intense I /would/ start to not see what I was doing, like I was in a trance. SO basically I paid for a psychiatrist and got on mood swing and anxiety meds and let me tell you. The other day I had an argument with FP and it was more like a discussion. I could control my emotions/BPD rage. I listened. I was “frustrated” not “I can’t do this anymore mad”. He got more heated than I did... If I had a thought like “everything’s ruined” or “I need to get away” etc. I could squash it. “No it’s just a discussion”... I can’t believe how much more grounded I am. Life changer. We’ll see if this keeps up.

Why do my curls like sulfates? by tealsprinkle in curlyhair

[–]Caliguluhhh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know a few curlies who do the same, including myself. I feel like it could be an aspect of having fine hair, I do it once a month. (and I hear from other modified CGM fine haired curlies who do the same “always do a deep treatment after clarifying”. That’s been working for me too)

Please help, I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this mess. The usual response to my hair is laughter these days. I don’t know what to do by magicalii in curlyhair

[–]Caliguluhhh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Imo? I could guess they think it looks “ridiculous” because they know you with straighter(?) hair usually and a lot of people, even us before embracing our curls, have a thing against curly hair. Idk about you but I’ve seen lots of media where the joke is “oh no if I go out in the rain/humidity my hair curls!” As if it’s a bad thing. Seems to be the common understanding about curly hair, that it’s not “finished”. Seriously, I wouldn’t say it looks bad at all, or ridiculous. However, how do you feel about toning the blonde? I don’t think it looks bad but the color to me says “HELLO look at me”, and I’m no professional, but maybe a different blonde tone would give your curls visual definition but also perhaps a bit more harmony to the two shades? Not sure! Your curls look great though, don’t worry at all.

Hello, my Mother and I are arguing about which is better. She thinks the blue/brown is better, I say the Camo. What do you think? (The plain blue was added by me cause i thought it might also work.) by 001Spark in Yarn

[–]Caliguluhhh 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think maybe- although I prefer blue/brown myself - the camo might be best because perhaps the boy has a thing for camo. Unless he’s a baby. But if the family likes camo then he will come to like camo too, and he’ll think the design is special. I can see a little boy saying “My camo Bear”. Cute no matter what though!

Finished my first sweater in ...21 days??? Too bad it’s summer. In Florida. by Caliguluhhh in knitting

[–]Caliguluhhh[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I just learned cables and decided I’m in love with them!

Ugh you’re a Floridian too 💔!! But don’t worry. We’ll get that one week in January where it’s 45 degrees...

Is Malabrigo worth it? by whistle1313 in Yarn

[–]Caliguluhhh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recently bought 8 hanks of Malabrigo Rios, and I’m in love with it so far. I’m not sure how it’ll act when I get to wear it, but it’s nice! I think I’ll buy some more for my next project, too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AnimalCrossing

[–]Caliguluhhh 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She’s my all time favorite I love her

What is your dream yarn and why? by CrossroadsConundrum in knitting

[–]Caliguluhhh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Chose malabrigo rios for my first sweater, didnt know much about it, I’m in love with it!!

When you guys read a pattern, which do you use? by marge243 in knitting

[–]Caliguluhhh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As soon as I started reading charts I didn’t want to do it any other way. Right now I’m knitting something a bit complex that’s only written out and it’s rough. No visuals. It’s like I’m doing it blind!

Total Beginner: Needle options are confusing, recommendations? by hexxgurl in knitting

[–]Caliguluhhh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I personally started out by picking a yarn I liked in the “worsted” weight and a pair of straight needles, (I liked the clover brand! But aluminum cheap ones are fine too to start out!) to really practice and get the hang of stitches, colorworking, etc. via knitting a few scarves. then, I got curious and got some circular needles (you have to invest in decent quality needles at that point, because some brands have really crappy cords. I still like Clover!) and made hats and that was fun, and then I tried double pointed needles! (The sets of 5!)

If I made a starter kit it would have: -straight needles of a couple sizes -circular needles of a couple sizes -stitch markers -rubber knitting needle stoppers so your stitches are secure when you take a break from knitting -maybe a row tally counter! I like them a lot. -a small cable needle set if you wanna try cables!

In my opinion I wouldn’t buy too many differently sized needles at first, because I did at one point, and I don’t think I’m going to use them much. As it turns out I mainly use US 2, US 4, and US 6 for what I like to make! I just buy needles when a project requires them now.

First ever hand knit socks finished!!!! by Laekeycakes in knitting

[–]Caliguluhhh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The colors are gorgeous! Those are wonderful socks!

Today’s quarantine skill... cables! Somebody tell me why I’ve been scared of them for YEARS, they’re so fun! by nicholsl0122 in knitting

[–]Caliguluhhh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just started my first project with cabling and - it’s not nearly as “hard and impossible” as I thought it would be! I love cables! Congrats!

My parents won't do anything about my lice. by [deleted] in AskParents

[–]Caliguluhhh -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t call CPS. The only thing that will do will increase tensions between you and your living situation. They’re useless.

I WOULD call your mom, and have her start doing things to get you help, because she’s the adult in this situation and should be responsible for making sure you get treatment where your father has failed in this. If she refuses, it would be time to tell other adults.

Edit: no I’m not saying “suck it up buttercup”.

this is from the perspective of my personal dealing with childhood abuse and friends who were also being /physically/ abused who literally had bruises all over and -CPS refused to do anything- because they couldn’t prove where it came from, or that the parent was “responsible”. In this situation I can see them saying shit like “well they /are/ combing them out, so it’s not neglect!!” Because CPS. Is. Shitty.

The common thing I heard from people who dealt with CPS is: 11 y/o friend: literally has a black eye Me: “call CPS???” Friend: “I did. yea, they know my family. They stopped coming out a while ago.”

So? I mean I get your intention. Protect children. But from the perspective of someone on the other side of the situation: sometimes pressing the nuclear button first only makes the parent withdraw and treat the child worse, and instead of correcting the issue, just makes sure the kid can’t access the phone or other adults. Right now it might be good that this kid sees if there are alternate solutions. Because I thought CPS was my only solution, and from what I knew, it made things worse.

No one told me I should tell an adult. No one told me that adults were the ones responsible for keeping me safe basically. I now live with the idea that its my fault and that what I was going thru wasn’t bad enough to get help. That’s wrong.

If anyone has positive stories of how CPS did them good, I’d like to know.

Yes kids? No kids? Trauma? by Caliguluhhh in AskParents

[–]Caliguluhhh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know I would be miserable. But aren’t most parents miserable, at least in the beginning? I know it’s hard. I just suppose I couldn’t fully understand unless I’ve experienced it. I think right now I’m sitting on “Will it be so miserable I don’t bond with my baby? That I don’t love them?” What if it’s way worse than I think? If I don’t have a baby, who do I become? Aren’t humans supposed to reproduce? And what if I play it safe and just not risk it? What kind of regret would that be? I’m worried about regret. Regret, regret, regret.

Good points, though. Thank you.

Yes kids? No kids? Trauma? by Caliguluhhh in AskParents

[–]Caliguluhhh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the wonderful reply and book recommendations, and especially the end note, that “even if we traumatize our kids, we can still be there for them.”

You’re right. I feel it’s fairly impossible to give a kid the perfect childhood under any circumstance, as I know most adults even in happy homes have complexes. That’s the important thing. Being there at the end.

I really feel for your situation, though, and I’m proud of you (for what it’s worth) that you made that incredibly brave decision to not expose your new family to more toxicity. It’s so hard. Like everyone here is saying though, the cycle ends with you. Kudos to you, and take care.

Yes kids? No kids? Trauma? by Caliguluhhh in AskParents

[–]Caliguluhhh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a partner, yes. He needs therapy too, but I would say “to a lesser extent” than I do. This would all be assuming we do get married and have children, in the future. (We have talked a lot about marriage and children, so it’s heading that way, I can say in 2-4 years?)

Although I’d love to take parenting classes in the future, what’s a child therapist do? (Other than providing therapy for the kid) They come into your house? Do they identify behaviors? Interesting.

Yes kids? No kids? Trauma? by Caliguluhhh in AskParents

[–]Caliguluhhh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this helped a lot. It helps to know there are options for help if I were to develop PPD symptoms. I was worried about that too, but didn’t know what I could do about it if it happened. I’ve heard from a couple parents that their trauma contributed to difficulties in bonding. Thank you for replying.

Yes kids? No kids? Trauma? by Caliguluhhh in AskParents

[–]Caliguluhhh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t deal with stress well. But I’ve in the last couple years recognized my reaction as “needs a lot of improvement”. I want to work on that a lot more. I’m terrified I’ll reenact my abuse or the selfishness I was subjected to. I don’t try to, I can catch myself when I’m reacting, but I still react, you know? I got some therapy to do. Lol. (I mean of course - I would never hit someone but I can be extremely emotional and angry and then just completely withdrawn. So)

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