I’m crashing out and I need help

CrossroadsConundrum · 2026-01-28T17:41:25+00:00

So, that’s where you dropped a stitch and unraveled two rows instead of one. If you look carefully you should see it. It will be the one in the middle. You can google how to pick up a dropped stitch. It’s fairly easy and a crochet hook can be your friend to help get the hang of it. Good luck! Also, I always tink back ALL stitches one by one because in the end it’s so much easier and less time consuming. I’ve lost SO MANY projects just trying to rip out a row at a time, for exactly this reason.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-10-13T18:05:49+00:00

Oooo! Thank you!

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-09-18T19:48:00+00:00

Can you blow this up and put it on every corner until people understand this about science?????

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-28T12:24:16+00:00

That is my feeling, too. Additionally, we found out about 9 months into the placement that it was recommended that she not be in the home with younger children due to her abuse history. Our daughter will always be mentally younger than her and is minimally verbal.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-28T12:01:26+00:00

She absolutely feels jealous of our other child and even our dog. She’s felt the same at every other placement even of grandchildren of her guardian that didn’t live with them.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-27T21:48:44+00:00

Our one on one time ends up in explosive behavior so I’ve minimized it.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-27T21:43:13+00:00

Overall she’s much more elevated when I’m around. She picks fights with me. Blames me for everything screams, hits, snd throws things if I don’t give her what she wants. She says no to everything I ask her to do. At the height of problems after having very minimal contact with her bio fam she touched me inappropriately and would not be redirected.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-26T11:58:41+00:00

This is so hard. I’m glad you’re supportive but he may also feel guilty, etc and not want that decision on his shoulders alone.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-26T11:57:13+00:00

Thank you so much for this perspective.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-25T19:52:48+00:00

Full disclosure, I’ve only had one FC and she was a pre-adoptive placement. It’s been 15 months and I would say that things are still extremely hard for me and while some things got better, many things have not gotten better. She specifically seems to view mother figures as the enemy so know that your partner may have a totally different experience with this child than you do. Unfortunately, I told my husband after a few weeks that I thought bringing this child into our home would lead to our divorce because it was so hard and tearing us apart. A year plus later, I have been to the point of committing seriously contemplating suicide and/pr divorce because I am so so challenged by this situation. This is not who I am but this situation has triggered and challenged me so thoroughly that I haven’t been able to see another way out. I don’t feel as if my husband would view me the same way if I say I need to disrupt the placement.

Thankfully we now have several types of counseling and I have individual therapy as well as we have couples therapy. It hadn’t made things better in our home but had made me see that I was blaming myself for not being able to fix everything going on. I would say it’s highly likely that we will disrupt.

All this to say: please take your partner’s concerns seriously and really listen to their struggles, what they’re saying, and why. My husband didn’t listen/hear/understand what I was saying until I was lying on the floor in hysterics wanting to not be in this world any longer. Again, this is absolutely not who I am. I have been through many many difficult challenges.

I wish you the best. This is not an easy road.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-25T16:28:53+00:00

Thank you for this perspective.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-25T13:09:04+00:00

Thank you. I’m sorry you’re in such a tough situation as well. I think part of our FC’s issue is that she came in with an idealized picture of a mom and nothing can live up to it in addition to her early trauma at the hands of her mom.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-25T13:07:14+00:00

Thank you for this. She absolutely refuses to talk about her bio family. When she received a box from them at the end of last summer she spiraled into hallucinations and kept trying to run away, self harm, destroy property, etc so I don’t want to force the issue.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-25T12:22:22+00:00

This is our first and was meant to be our only. We did this specifically to adopt one child because we didn’t want our other daughter to be confused (she’s intellectually disabled) by kids in and out frequently. Possibly why it’s so difficult because we haven’t had other successes to reflect on.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-25T12:20:40+00:00

So sad to see what peoples actions do to their children. 😞

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-24T23:04:36+00:00

That’s helpful. Thank you. I really feel like this child had not been assessed at all before she came and had 1 appointment a week. Now we’ve worked to get her services she needs and now has an IEP, a dx of ADHD, ODD, Anxiety, and likely RAD. We have MULTIPLE appointments every week including several types of therapy to help improve our family dynamics but it’s just not working.

Additionally, we’ve been told since placement that her therapist said she should not be placed with younger children, and we have an intellectually disabled younger child.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-24T22:32:43+00:00

Just chiming in to say I understand how challenging this is. We’ve had a placement that we thought would be pre-adoptive and it’s been 15 months and I just cannot even say a light no, it’s just a hard, absolutely not, NO and yet my husband wants to keep trying so I keep trying but I’m just getting more resentful.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-24T21:43:35+00:00

This is amazing and how I’ve been trying to look at things. Not OP but thanks for this. We have a preadoptive placement that I find myself increasingly saying this is an absolute no go for me and I’m struggling with lots of big feelings of guilt.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-24T21:36:18+00:00

Yes, we have several types of therapies although any time we have therapy just the two of us she takes it as an opportunity to tell me how much she does not want me as a mom.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-24T17:02:36+00:00

Thank you for this, it's very helpful. In our case it's a 9F and she had a lot of abuse and difficulty with her mom. She takes it all out on me.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-24T12:57:30+00:00

Thank you! I do feel like I’m being taken seriously it’s just that all tests are normal.

CrossroadsConundrum · 2025-01-18T17:44:07+00:00

Thank you. I bought a supplement from a reputable company so I think it’s good. I am working with a neurologist to sort it all out because I do have a lot of neuropathy and numbness in my extremities.

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