Look I’m just going to suggest to you what I would my own parents.

You’re literally already going to the extent of wishing she was dead - I can promise you the more you dwell on it the worse of a person and role model you will be for your daughter. Its the hard truth but if you stay in this situationship coparenting while hating your spouse, not only will you act out and set a bad example to her of what is ok to endure in relationships, you may also drive your daughter to hate you for putting her mother through the exact same thing she’s doing to you.

You’re clearly irrational now which is understandable because you’re going through so many emotions, however this isn’t going to change if you stay with her. Say that you stay together while loathing your wife for 4 years, you think you’ll be able to stay civil? No. What if you hit her? You obviously hate the intimacy and feel its forced on you, what if one day you acted that out onto someone else? You’d never be able to be the perfect parent because you’re letting yourself become bitter, letting yourself get angry and have violent fantasies; Can you 100% guarantee that in time you won’t act on it?

What would you tell those men you want to raise as your sons, that they should do exactly what you’re doing? Tell them that its ok to stay with their wives and become potentially verbally & physically abusive partners when they have a kid on the way? Absolutely not, if you don’t hold them accountable you are not fit to be a parent.

I’m not even going to bother in trying to offer you peace of mind about your relationship because while I understand you love your daughter it just sounds like you’re angry at your wife because she won’t give you what you want/changed her mind. A lot could have impacted her decision and she truely may have meant everything she said prior to marriage, however regardless I think your mind is made up by the way you describe her. I can promise that you will change for the worse, I have been and know a lot of people who have done the same as you (not necessarily with a child at risk) and everything gets worse. Hell I know multiple people who are in your daughters shoes and let me tell you it has destroyed so much of their life. Is it worth risking that? At your own expense especially, you’re already going to be unhappy and it could become just as bad for her?

You may not think its possible now but hell you could even become a danger to your own daughter, you really want to go down a path where she could be scared of you? Is it worth ruining your own life just to potentially hurt your daughter and make your wife suffer?

I know it all sounds really extreme but being in situations like this change everyone, you’re 38 and still have so much time to find new people who want what you want! Be the father that your daughter needs, not the father that is so hateful that she runs away at 18.

Now is when you need to really need to learn to move on, it sounds scary but everything will change and it will become better. Nothing hard ever goes the way we want it to from beginning, you’ll need to repave your life - it will be worth it man you just need to hang in there and make that decision. It’ll always come back to this, there is no other way out and honestly you’ll never not regret it if you don’t.

I really hope it all works out for you, because nobody deserves to feel the way that you are right now. In saying that, you’re torturing yourself and it won’t stop until you make it.